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Original poster

I do everything for my 19 year old son but he adores his dad who does nothing

20 replies

SuperVina · 09/03/2022 18:49

I do everything for my 19 year old son and his newborn twin daughters. His dad (my ex) does absolutely nothing yet my son worships the ground his dad walks on and it really hurts me. His dad and his girlfriend won't let my son visit their home or see his step brother and sisters but its me he disrespect and takes advantage of.

OP posts:
KindergartenKop · 09/03/2022 20:27

He knows you'll always love him.

He sounds very immature for a father of twins (and for a general 19yo)

KindergartenKop · 09/03/2022 20:27

He's trying to win approval from his Dad.

Beachsidesunset · 09/03/2022 20:30

Why are you 'doing everything' for your adult son? No wonder he doesn't respect you.

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purpleme12 · 09/03/2022 20:31

Agree with all of the above

MerryPoppings · 09/03/2022 20:33

Sounds like you're reinforcing that it's OK for men to do nothing if you're doing everything for him and his Dad does nothing. That doesn't sound healthy.

Thatsplentyjack · 09/03/2022 20:37

Why are you doing everything for him and his twins? Do they live with you?

Theunamedcat · 09/03/2022 20:39

Stop it get some respect

Skyeheather · 09/03/2022 20:39

Stop doing everything for him and let him stand on his own two feet. Maybe he'll change his tune when he realises what you do for him.

BlanketsBanned · 09/03/2022 20:41

Why are you doing everything for a 19 yo dad, does he need help, what does his oartner and inlaws contribute.

LottyD32 · 09/03/2022 20:48

Yep, syop doing anything for him.

LottyD32 · 09/03/2022 20:48

Stop

TricksAnd · 09/03/2022 20:50

He doesn't respect you and you don't respect you 😕

You need to start doing something about the situation rather than just complaining about it.

Dogknowsbest · 09/03/2022 20:53

If you weren't there he'd notice.

Lockedoorsopen · 09/03/2022 20:57

He will in time realise that his dad isn't worth his admiration. The painful truth about his dad is not something he can deal with at the moment - what child likes to understand that their father doesn't give two shits about them, its easier to pretend they are the bees knees.

Two things are going to happen.

  1. Your son will dedicate himself to his two children and see how little his his father cares for him and his grandchildren - that's usually the kicker.

OR

  1. He will be a replica of his father.

Hw is your son with the kids mother? Are they still together?

But most importantly - stop 'doing everything' him. You are preventing him from being a fully fledged adult and father.

He is an adult with a very important job to do now - support him but not baby him.

TracyMosby · 09/03/2022 20:59

@Lockedoorsopen

He will in time realise that his dad isn't worth his admiration. The painful truth about his dad is not something he can deal with at the moment - what child likes to understand that their father doesn't give two shits about them, its easier to pretend they are the bees knees.

Two things are going to happen.

  1. Your son will dedicate himself to his two children and see how little his his father cares for him and his grandchildren - that's usually the kicker.

OR

  1. He will be a replica of his father.

Hw is your son with the kids mother? Are they still together?

But most importantly - stop 'doing everything' him. You are preventing him from being a fully fledged adult and father.

He is an adult with a very important job to do now - support him but not baby him.

Yes this. Dont contribute to this. He is an adult and a parent. He can do it all himself now.
MartinMartinMarti · 09/03/2022 21:00

What @Lockedoorsopen said. Good post.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/03/2022 21:01

Your son is an adult and a father now, so stop enabling and babying him. It's sink or swim time, and you always picking up the pieces isn't doing him any favours. It's time to get tough with him because he has to grow the fuck up.

MrsPsmalls · 09/03/2022 21:04

I don't think this is rare op. He feels safe enough to act like a pratt with you as he knows you will always be there. Biting the hand that feeds him and it's a very disagreeable trait. He doesn't even see the stuff you do for him anymore. You need a reset. Step back from everything you do and let him notice and maybe even ask you nicely for help. Then don't just say yes. Think about if it's something he should be able to do himself. Decide what you want to do going forward. Put up some boundaries. Bet his behaviour towards you improves no end

PrincessInPyjamas · 09/03/2022 21:08

Well it's a no brainer isn't it?

Stop doing stuff for them. Your son is the man of the household and responsible for supporting his family. You aren't. As hard as it will be, walk away and let him step up and take responsibility. That's his job and role, not yours.

2catsandhappy · 09/03/2022 21:21

Gosh, that would really hurt. I can only guess that if you are doing everything then the only stuff left for dad to do, is the fun stuff.
Pull back a bit, be less available. Say no. Leave ds to support himself and manage his own needs.
If ds then asks his dad to do what you do and his dad says no, then it might make ds appreciate what you have been doing.
What can you change to be less used/ taken for granted?

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