Please please help me sort my life out

[Ineedastyleicon]

I really need help and basically a massive kick up the arse.
I'm eating rubbish, not exercising, tired all the time, lazy, fed up. I'm on anti depressants and they make me feel flat and disconnected.
I want to exercise, I feel better when i do but I always have this weird block about it, like I can't exercise cos I will do it wrong, be rubbish at it, or I just can't be bothered. There isn't any exercise I enjoy although was doing weights and they did give me a good endorphin rush.
I just feel totally fed up with life, its just constant work, kids, housework, washing up, repeat and repeat.

I feel exactly the same, you are not alone.
Do you think you could even just do a gentle walk each day, I find this really helps. although have two dogs so I am forced to do a decent walk each day. I get what you mean about the anti- depressants, I too feel flat and disconnected, although some days are worse then others.

When the weather warms up/the sun comes out more often, will this help motivate you outside for walks?

We like walking through the park to the shops at the other side of the park to buy a box of 4 ice-creams for £1, then we walk back eating the ice cream :) Sorry, that doesn't help with the healthy eating part but it is yummy.

i hear you with the anti depressants. which ones are you on and what dosage? would it be worth a review with your GP?

in terms of exercise, i think maybe start small. small goals. if you can't face the gym, then go for a walk. take an audio book or podcast and listen along as you walk.

i often find that doing something is better than nothing. so even on flat days that i make it to the gym dn only do 20 minutes that mentally makes me feel better - because i've been (if you see what i mean).

but mostly be kind to yourself. dont try for "being healthy" start with the baby steps. drink a bit more water. make sure you're getting enough sleep. walk for 20 minutes a day. small things. then gradually add in a bit more. and remember its ok to drop back again.

Thank you, I do have a dog so do walk almost every day. I guess that's something!

Walking the dog is excellent.

You are not doing nothing.

I find I’m more motivated if I have a short term goal. Ie. Aim to loose xlb I by a certain event, such as a meal out with friends.

Maybe extend your dog walks by another ten minutes each day.

Something like skipping us meant to be good, and you can do it in the privacy of your garden. Also, hoopla hooping with a weighted hoop, although build up slowly to prevent bruising.

I don't like exercise but I do like dancing! I've found Zumba or Clubbercise very enjoyable, and doing it twice a week, you see the results quite quic kly. My advice is to find exercise you enjoy and if you can find a friend to do it with you, even better!

Positive reinforcement works better than negative

Instead of beating yourself up (we women tend to be WAY too good at this!)

Build yourself UP

For every positive thing you do each day praise yourself (yes it feels silly at first but it gets easier with practice)

To motivate yourself to do the things you're less a fan of focus on the positive outcomes it will achieve right from how proud you will be of yourself for even just starting it!

Positive self talk it's called

"If you do x you will be so pleased with yourself that it means you achieved y"

I suffer from ocd and depression and admittedly don't always manage it myself but when I do it genuinely works!

Eg

I HATE doing the laundry, because of the ocd I have to do it a certain way so it's not a quick job like it is for other people

BUT

I get a genuine sense of achievement after doing it

It means I have my favourite clothes available to wear again

It means I'm not getting that horrible stomach sinking feeling every time I look at the hamper!

Sometimes I'm better at doing this stuff than others yes but honestly this does help at least a little

@Appalonia I'm the same! Disabled now so VERY limited exercise wise but I can do a simple step together thing on flat on a good day and you can even sort of dance sitting down! It's all exercise!

Some days I'm doing well if I make it into the kitchen at all! That's still a win! Cos that is me achieving SOMETHING on a bad day!

Other days, like today, I can do the dishes, clean the kitchen and get a laundry not only washed but now drying too - that's a good day.

Even fewer days are properly busy days when eg I hoover, dishes, 2 laundries, clothes dried folded and put away, and a few phone calls dealt with (I get very very anxious dealing with certain things)

But I am gradually realising it's pointless beating myself up for an only managing to walk to the kitchen day as it serves NO purpose whatsoever!

It doesn't make me better able to do stuff, it doesn't make me - or anyone else - feel better and it doesn't make my health physical or mental better in fact it makes it worse!

So

BE POSITIVE op

"I did ok today I did x"

"I did great today I did x and y"

"I did AMAZING today I did x y AND z I'm fucking awesome!"

Try it!

Any chance your low in iron? My mood has improved since taking iron tablets and I have more energy to get things done.

What gives you energy and brings you joy? Life can be stressful and drain our reserves, it's important fill yourself back up by doing things you love or you will burn out. For some people it might be a hobby, others it is nature, others it is spending time with friends. Once you work out what motivates you and energises you, use this to help you 'hack' your own life into changing some habits. Love reading? Why not get an exercise bike with a kindle holder or book holder? Love getting out in nature? Why not take up running or bike riding? Love spending time with friends? What about a group exercise class or joining a gym with a friend?
Try changing your habits out of love and care for yourself and your body not self loathing and guilt. You sound very hard on yourself, instead of focusing on what you're doing 'wrong' how about writing down 10 things each day you did right, and one thing you would like to work on. Hopefully you can start to appreciate yourself a bit more, and as your confidence grows you may find you don't need to make such massive changes. Instead small changes like eating a little bit more vegetables or drinking more water actually make a big difference alongside your new found happiness and self esteem.

Find an exciting organised exercise/ sport to do, preferably outdoors.
Rock climbing, kayaking, wild swimming or something similar.
Expands your horizons, gives you a buzz, and you have a specific time and place.
At the same time, walk as much as possible, and consider a yoga class.
Take a good multi vitamin and mineral supplement, and consider intermittent fasting.

My go to therapy is buying a coffee and walking through the woods, I do a circuit round. Then return to the cafe, use the loo have brunch and return home. It sets me up for the day, walking amongst trees really calms me down.

Try the low Carb diet by Dr. Michael Mosley
thebloodsugardiet.com/

Thank you.
I used to do kickboxing and enjoyed it but I was absolutely rubbish at it and couldn't remember the routines so stopped going.
I do love socialising and hate working at home.

Are you on mirtazapine?

No citalopram

@FindingMeno

Find an exciting organised exercise/ sport to do, preferably outdoors. Rock climbing, kayaking, wild swimming or something similar. Expands your horizons, gives you a buzz, and you have a specific time and place. At the same time, walk as much as possible, and consider a yoga class. Take a good multi vitamin and mineral supplement, and consider intermittent fasting.

Thsnk you I just have no motivation to do any of these, could easily just go back to bed and cry.

@Ineedastyleicon
Perhaps you need to have a conversation with your Dr about trying a different anti depressant.

Thank you, I've just contacted surgery and asked for a medication review.

I have another thread atm about binge eating and I think I'm getting a lot of comfort from food atm.

I feel the same. Have recently started swimming. Its relaxing but exercise at the same time. Can switch off and enjoy

Plus burns more calories than other excercise

think of it as relaxing not a chore

Yes swimming sounds nice. I'm not a member of a gym but there is one 5 mins from me thar has a really nice pool and is thirty pounds a month which I thought was good value. Just don't know if I would motivate myself to go. I can't leave dog home alone yet which makes everything harder, I also feel guilty if I go out too much!

I agree that you may need an adjustment of antidepressant prescription. Some reduce anxiety well but also suppress motivation.

Yes I think that makes sense, I have loads to do right now but am lying on sofa browsing mumsnet. The effort to get up and do stuff is overwhelming me.

@Ineedastyleicon

No citalopram

I was on that briefly years ago. Made me feel very very flat. Smoothed out the lows but also took away any motivation and pleasure too. I described it as like looking at life through a pane of glass, I can hear and see it but can't feel it. Definitely ask to try something else and keep trying until something works.

For exercise, can you afford a few sessions with a personal trainer? Doesn't have to be a gym - you can work out in a park or garden if you one. Highly recommend it - gets you started with a new habit and they can advise on good exercise techniques and some inexpensive equipment you can buy to do it yourself e.g. resistance bands, slam balls, a few weights (Aldi & Decathlon are good for this).

@Ineedastyleicon

No citalopram

Yes citalopram can flatten motivation. I take it but also take bupropion and it is completely brilliant for motivation.