People who think they're chatty, but actually don't bloody listen! Just talk and talk......and talk

[FizzyThinking]

Hi,

This may be a bit ranty in tone, as I've just got off the phone with DM and had yet another infuriating, one sided "conversation" 😤 I'm only really just seeing this tbh. I always just thought she was chatty, outgoing etc, but recently I'm really noticing that she just isn't listening to me. She will talk at me at 100mph, won't ask any questions and when I do try and shoe horn in a sentence, it immediately gets twisted round to something that's happened to her! I think she's just trying to be relatable. She isn't a selfish woman, but she lives with a man (my dad) who just doesn't speak, so I think she's just used to filling in the gaps, over compensating, but sometimes there aren't any gaps to fill!

I do know quite a few people who do this and I just can't get on with them, because you just feel as though they have absolutely no interest in you at all. You know, the ones who eventually let you speak, but then then just glaze over and repeat "hmm hmm yeah yeah" 😒 so can't possibly hear you. Just desperate to start talking again.

My DM will sometimes laugh at herself and say "oh, I just love to talk to people" but doesn't realise she's actually talking at people.

I'm tempted to say something, because actually it's becoming beyond irritating. It's actually quite hurtful. There have been plenty of times I could have done with a real chat about something, but it's like she's just not interested at all. For example, dp and I were thinking about IVF/adoption fairly recently and she hasn't asked about it ONCE since I told her about it.

I also have quite severe anxiety and depression, but again, she never asks how I'm doing. It's really upsetting. She's seen how bad it can effect my life. She will say after I've come out of a depressive episode that she did notice, so why not ask if I'm okay?

Anyway, just feeling a bit grrrr and wondered if anyone could relate? Would you say something?

I have a long lost sister! My mum is exactly as you describe and tbh always has been but I've noticed it get a lot worse since her hearing has got worse. My dad doesn't say much either. I think she gets frustrated missing out on responses and so just talks. And talks. And talks. Could this be a factor?

I would say something. Say you want to update her on your IVF plans, tell her how you've been feeling, keep to the topic. if she tries to derail, end the conversation. I've found myself doing this at times. Ive noticed she will cut the call short but it's better than being talked at for hours. There's only so much chatter about nothing one can take, especially when you've got your own problems.

I have a work mate who talks for her country and all of it is aimless lists of what she had for dinner, what she might have for dinner today, going to the shops for food, I just switch off quietly and nod in what I hope sre the right places

@Peachtoiletpaper, hmm I don't think so. I did actually once shout down the phone " mum, can you actually hear me?!" because she just kept talking over me and she said "oh, yes darling". I think she's just so used to talking over people and trying to divert the conversation back. I'm almost certain it isn't her hearing.

When I do try and take charge, she will quickly say she needs to go. Usually to put the washing out or something equally as important 🤔

I have a friend of 20 something years like this. I think her problem is anxiety which leads to her talking non stop about a whole range of things that are of no interest to me. It's exhausting and occasionally I find it quite hurtful when she doesn't enquire about me or my family.

@sharpenyourknives, it's really hard isn't it? You can't really say "well.. aren't you going to ask about me?!"

@Daleksatemyshed, tbf, they probably wouldn't notice if you were listening anyway! Some people can quite happily talk to themselves.

My Mum is exactly the same - it does out heads in just being talked at and to he honest we rarely see her as we can't face it. I'll try to tell her what I've done to sort a problem out for her and check she what she wants to do and she'll just continue talking without focusing on what I'm saying - rarely does the problem get sorted as I give up. She has the habit of talking over me, so a few times in the last couple of years I just continue saying that it was I started - neither of us win though.

@ifonly4, that's exactly how I feel - like nobody is winning. When I try and take the lead a bit, that is. Just feels like she's annoyed she's not been allowed to go on and on and I'm annoyed because she's cut me off and confirmed she isn't really interested.