Did you notice it you're parents treated your siblings better than you?

[flyingdream]

How did you feel? Resentful or ignored it?

My mum did it and I was really resentful for a long time. Some of the things, I felt used and disposable...don't think I'll ever truly forgive or forget...

Definitely. Siblng always put first. It hurts.

Yes, much younger half sibling I got it when they were a child but still the favourite as a 30 + year old adult not so much, I had to disengage and leave them to it.

Well, in my family each sibling thinks the others were favoured.

Much like Mrsjayy my favoured sibling is still prioritised way above me as an adult and I have disengaged due to the hurt it causes me.

I have a long list of ways in which she was prioritised - from the tiny to the huge - and I wish I could forget them. It’s like I’m carrying a sack of reasons of why I’m unlovable even by the people who are supposed to love me most. It’s fucked my self esteem and my MH.

I don’t think functional parents/families do favourites in this way.

@Erinyes

Well, in my family each sibling thinks the others were favoured.

My children do too. It’s exhausting

I found it a lucky escape me. I don't need to put myself out for them when they're in advancing years. My siblings can care for them. We reap what we sow with our kids.

My mum and dad had 4 of us. I was "the clever one", sis was "the pretty one", Db1 was "the strong one", Db2 was "the sensible one ".

We were all resentful, even though we were treated equally, favoured for different traits.

My girls would both say the other was favoured because we were careful to keep everything equal.

No matter what you do everyone thinks they are hard done by. When I realised that a lot of the angst from my childhood lifted.

I was the one who felt ‘favoured’ and was told that by my parents multiple times. As a result it almost destroyed my relationships with my siblings who were rightfully upset and jealous. Unfortunately all that anger was directed at me, not our parents. I have no relationship with my brother as a result and a very tenuous one with my sisters. As kids we were all ‘pitted against’ one another and cracks and insecurities formed that are now too difficult to mend. I have children and am so focused on everything being equal and no favouritism as a result of this.

There's an age gap between me and my younger sibling. It's almost as if we got different parents growing up. They seemed much more relaxed with my sibling. And my sibling seemed and still does seem more relaxed with them than me. But my parents had matured in that time and became more secure financially and just generally really which is understandable.

My sister was quite ill as a child and therefore got all the time and attention while l was left to my own devices . She grew up very entitled.
Then l had a baby and everything changed so now l am the favourite.
Neither of us are comfortable with this shift in dynamic and the truth is, there should never have been a favourite.
Only got one child myself so thankfully this toxicity doesn't feature in her life .
And if it did, the cat would be my favourite!!

My sibling was favoured. She was labelled ‘pretty’, I was labelled ‘ugly’. It didn’t matter what she did it was seen as perfect. Whatever I did was wrong. I was always trying to be nice to them and that was seen as weak. The more I was nice, the more they hurt me. I have no relationship with any of them now. I resent them for how they treated me. Their words and actions have had big repercussions on my life. I hate them but wish I could feel indifference.

My much younger siblings were hugely favoured and have had an easier life with our parents than me.

Many reasons for it, I was a teenage accident and my parents were growing up while I was.

I don’t think my mum ever bonded with me.

She’s toxic anyway.

Ive had angst for years, trying to get approval etc. but in the past 4/5 years Ive realised I got the better deal:

I’m more rounded than my siblings and can maintain better relationships with people.

I’m more independent than them.

I don’t feel any responsibility to my parents.

I don’t feel obliged to accept their opinions.

I feel free-er than my siblings, one confides in me and it’s not great for them.

I should add while growing up my grandparents and a few uncles aunts showed me how to love and be loved.

That made a huge difference I think.

Oh and Susan forwards book ‘toxic parents’ freed me from thinking I was to blame for being unlovable as a child.

@broccolibush

Much like Mrsjayy my favoured sibling is still prioritised way above me as an adult and I have disengaged due to the hurt it causes me.

I have a long list of ways in which she was prioritised - from the tiny to the huge - and I wish I could forget them. It’s like I’m carrying a sack of reasons of why I’m unlovable even by the people who are supposed to love me most. It’s fucked my self esteem and my MH.

I don’t think functional parents/families do favourites in this way.

I could have written this myself, it hurts doesn't it. I did everything for them and it was never enough compared to the golden child who would rock up occasionally, cause trouble then just disappear My children noticed so I stopped as it wasn't healthy behaviour for then to see

Not so much as a child as there was an large gap so obviously we were treated differently. But she's been pandered to for the 20 years I've also been an adult often at my expense and I've been expected to accept it. It's ruined my relationship with my mother and she has no idea why.