So I've been with my partner nearly 6 years. Backstory when my partner was born his mum left him to go work abroad in Greece (she eventually came back and had more children) so he went to his dads in a different city and stayed with him only coming to see his mum during school holidays then eventually moving to the city his mum and me lives in when we started speaking again and he moved to our city.
I had my son in 2019, at first she was round all the time. Like couldn't get rid of her. We'd go out a lot for coffee or walks or anything so she could see her grandson.
I was due to go back to work when my son was 11 months and she was supposed to have him 1-2 days a week and my dad have him the other days. As my son wasn't very comfortable around her yet ( she had tried to have him a few times at her house but she'd ring me within five minutes saying he's crying and I need to come get him ) we planned for her to take him on a few days out by herself so they get to bind. Anyway that never happened she literally just fell off the face of the earth and we didn't hear from her over his first Christmas right up until his birthday in March so maybe 6 months wr didn't hear from her. She never text rang anything to see how he is. I admit we could of contacted her but I'm never going to beg or chase someone to be in his life.
Then she started coming back in his life again then out then in and it's been like that ever since. Last time wr seen her was New Year's Day, she said she was not working Mondays or Thursday so she'd love to come round more and spend some time with her grandson. We said yes that's fine and obviously that didn't happen. She was meant to come round Sunday and see him, that's didn't happen either.
He doesn't know her at all! She's like a stranger to him and she said she wants to start having him on her own. I've said no to this for now until she starts to make more of an effort with him. But the thing is she doesn't make an effort. She keeps saying she will then it never happens. For this reason, I'm not too keen on her and she knows that. I'm not sure if she knows that's the reason why but she definitely knows I'm not her biggest fan.
I just don't know what to do as I've never stopped them from having a relationship but I will never beg or chase her to come round and see him. She's either in his life or she isn't.
Anyway else has this struggle and can give me some advice or how I can approach this? Thanks 😊