5 year old only one excluded from party

[Doisaysomethingornot]

So I will preface this by saying I know I only have my 5 year olds word for this but I've honestly had zero contact from the teacher to say any concerns about her behaviour at school.

So the 5 year old has seemingly not had an invite to a party that the rest of the class is invited to.

Not sure if this true or not , but if it is it seems pretty poor as surely as a 5 year old would be under the guidance of a parent of who to invite.

My DD says that the persons who party it is has said the reason they aren't invited is that they said my DD is always horrible to them and makes them cry. Yet there's been nothing from any teacher about this and I know if my DD had been making someone cry and the teacher was told I would be told.

Do I message the teacher to ask them to watch out for any conflict? I've a pretty upset DD about the invite , but whilst that is crap I'm a bit more concerned that my child is either horrible to someone or is being bullied.

Whilst kids will be kids I do not want my child being horrible to anyone , and part of me thinks if this child was upset at school wouldn't the parents have spoken to the teacher?

I don't want to be that parent but I was pretty bullied at school from a young age, and I'm worried on both accounts.

I would like to say until friday had no idea my DD may be being unkind to someone. In fact all I have ever seen is genuine concern for people and wanting to make friends and all the reports I've had from teachers and other parents that is that she's a lovely kid.

I don't have the parents numbers, so I can't contact them directly.

Could it possibly be that the party child has made up the “whole class” bit to upset your daughter? Worth having a word with the teacher though as either your daughter is upsetting party child or is being bullied by party child. Best to deal with quickly.

If you have a message system, eg dojo, then message the teacher and ask if she has noticed that there are any friendship problems your dd is having.

I'd try to find out if there actually is a party! In EYFS it's a common threat to say 'you aren't coming to my party because XYZ' even if there birthday is six months away and they aren't having a party at all.

It could also be that your dd has got the wrong end of the stick and it's not every other child but her.

I definitely wouldn't ask the parents.

“Do I message the teacher to ask them to watch out for any conflict? I've a pretty upset DD about the invite , but whilst that is crap I'm a bit more concerned that my child is either horrible to someone or is being bullied”.

I think you have the right priorities here. I wouldn’t mention the party (that’s just “one of those things”, and DD will get over it in a few days). But I would tell the teacher that DD mentioned that a fellow student has accused her of making her cry, ask the teacher to watch them more closely for a few days to make sure DD isn’t being unkind, and let the teacher know that you’re very open to suggestions of how to reinforce anti-bullying messages at home if it turns out to be a problem.

Fingers crossed it’s just 5-year-olds being little drama llamas though! (I have a nearly-5-year-old myself, and their level of gossip and truth-bending has really surprised me, although DD and her friends are all lovely and well-adjusted kids for the most part. They’re doing a ton of “figuring out social norms” at this age. It’s fascinating, but can also lead to big feelings!)

@DownWhichOfLate

Could it possibly be that the party child has made up the “whole class” bit to upset your daughter? Worth having a word with the teacher though as either your daughter is upsetting party child or is being bullied by party child. Best to deal with quickly.

Yeah my worry is more around the bullying on either side - the party thing we can probably manage as she'll soon forget it's happening.

I'll drop the teacher an email, I just don't want to be that parent, and I don't particularly want to make things worse if either child is pulled aside.
I've still got memories of being pulled up infornt of the whole class by the headteacher to call me a liar when I said I was being bullied, (never mind the fact I had dinner ladies as witnesses and they told me to tell the teacher) and you can imagine the outcome from that, I digress but I worry it's going to make things worse.

As the owner of a 5 year old girl I can confirm that there is lots of 'your not coming to my party' type behaviour happening at the moment as there has been a flurry of birthdays after christmas.Then they are all best friends again a few days later.

School are very clear they will only hand out whole class invites.

Well, with that experience of school it’s not surprising you are worried about saying anything! But schools aren’t like that now. And mine wasn’t even when I was at school many years ago. So it sounds like you had a most unconventional headteacher. The school will want to know about any bullying as they want to deal with it (gently and sympathetically!) before it becomes too big a problem.

it's a tough one, Ds is having a party soon and there was one kid in the class he didn't want to invite - I was very stuck between leaving out the child and telling DS how that's not fair on the child, but also not forcing him to invite someone he doesn't get on with just for the sake of it being a whole class party - the difference here is that we have discussed the other child with the teachers in the past and DS isn't the only one who has had problems with this child - the parents are aware, but completely in denial which makes it much harder too.

I have mentioned the other child at pick up/drop off if DS has been upset and the teachers would never single out the child for this, but once they are aware they can watch out for any of the noticed behaviours

I'd request a meeting/zoom call with the teacher and tell all. Just as you have above, the emphasis being on wanting to get to the bottom of the bullying aspects. It may be a misunderstanding, or the other child just inventing in order to insult your child. Only the teacher will have the oversight to see what the real deal is. Yes 5 year olds can be very inventive when they want to be 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Cutemob

I'd request a meeting/zoom call with the teacher and tell all. Just as you have above, the emphasis being on wanting to get to the bottom of the bullying aspects. It may be a misunderstanding, or the other child just inventing in order to insult your child. Only the teacher will have the oversight to see what the real deal is. Yes 5 year olds can be very inventive when they want to be 🤦🏼‍♀️

A zoom call with the teacher? When? You want the teacher to give up their own time to zoom call about a party invitation?

Drop an email if you want but to expect a zoom call is beyond ridiculous.

I definitely had a lot of “well you’re not coming to my birthday then!” in the first couple of years in school when I had R/Y1 classes. Even from summer-borns at this time of year! Do check up if there are any friendship issues the teacher has noticed, but kids that age can be ratbags when they want to be if they know how to get a reaction. It could be as simple as your child saying they didn’t want to play when they were in the middle of something or playing with someone else.

Someone did that to a child in my dd class and the parent went to the teacher about it. It should be whole class or a few in my opinion. The school won’t allow one child to be left out and I agree with that.

I would speak to the teacher about it. I still have guilt at forcing my dd to invite a girl who was really nasty to her at primary school.

@TheHoptimist
Eh? Do you have primary school age children? There's a situation here regarding possible bullying. I think it warrants a face-to-face discussion with a teacher personally. Through covid it's become the norm to have a quick zoom chat or phone call rather than actual contact. It depends on the school and their current policies but I do think one way or another the parent in this situation should be allowed access to speak to a teacher in person. She wouldn't be allowed to walk in and do that between the hours of 9-3pm so outside school hours then? Not sure why you think parents aren't allowed to talk to their child's teacher in person these days, or by zoom. The year is 2022.

So do I, email is not suitable other than to arrange face to face be it in person or zoom.

We have had something similar recently except it was us organising the party. There is one child that my son really does not get on with and hasn’t since reception. I would have invited the whole class to his party but he was adamant he didn’t want her there so we only ended up inviting half of the class as I would never leave just one child out.