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Original poster

People just let you down

15 replies

spleencoffin · 07/03/2022 12:43

Been through a spell recently where people have let me down.

The older I get the more I can't be bothered with people. My husband has never let me down and of course I love my kids but friends, colleagues, clients all usually let you down in some way.

Someone I really thought I respected and trusted was a complete cunt to me recently. That won't be the same again.

I'm feeling quite happy in my own company and a good book because people are just a disappointment

OP posts:
VioletOcean · 10/03/2022 18:24

Could this be a case of your expectations vs their take on the situation?

What I mean is I would love it if my boss said Violet please don’t leave, im going to miss you so much.. instead I get Violet you will be missed by everyone…. I want them to tell me they will miss me when I leave, I don’t give a shit about anyone else. But because they won’t or can’t say it im the one who feeling like shit because I know they will miss me I just want, well need to hear it

Mintlegs · 10/03/2022 18:35

I’ve noticed a lot of ‘friends and issues’ threads recently. I am sure there will be someone along soon to offer good advice. It’s a complete puzzle to myself how humans behave (namely women friends) at times. I’m sure there are some good eggs out there; they seem to be as rare as hens teeth though! Some people just seem so entitled these days or shallow and a slave to social media and their status within groups. It’s so sad.

Mol1628 · 10/03/2022 18:39

Sadly I agree. Quite happy with my own company thankfully as I just find people hard work. Well aware that this could be a me issue 🤣

I do wonder if lockdown has forced a change in a lot of relationships because I have heard of a lot more people having problems.

duvetdayforeveryone · 10/03/2022 18:41

YANBU. People suck.

Gowithme · 10/03/2022 18:46

Oh god yes, just got let down again by my flaky 'friend'. I'd love to say friends are worth the effort but I can't remember the last time I found that to be true. They're only really friendly when you're useful.

TheVanguardSix · 10/03/2022 18:55

I'm with you all the way, OP. I have been utterly, utterly, utterly let down by friends (all female, it has to be said). We're going through criminal proceedings- my exH is remanded in prison and we're expecting him to plead guilty to sexually abusing our daughter over several years.
Suffice to say, it's a big effing deal and friendship has been our medicine.
My group of 5 closest friends here of many years have all turned away, all of them. And their children. I got an email from one saying her daughter was going to 'detach' from my daughter for a while.

If I give it too much thought, I just drown in despair over how shitty people are. Friendship is so overrated. I trust no one but my nearest and dearest... and the dog and the cats.

Lightning020 · 10/03/2022 19:01

I think people are often more shut down these days. They have issues since the pandemic that they have yet to come to terms with. I know I have. Money being the main one. Sometimes I feel my needs will never be met enough by people ever again.

Lightning020 · 10/03/2022 19:07

@TheVanguardSix

I'm with you all the way, OP. I have been utterly, utterly, utterly let down by friends (all female, it has to be said). We're going through criminal proceedings- my exH is remanded in prison and we're expecting him to plead guilty to sexually abusing our daughter over several years. Suffice to say, it's a big effing deal and friendship has been our medicine. My group of 5 closest friends here of many years have all turned away, all of them. And their children. I got an email from one saying her daughter was going to 'detach' from my daughter for a while.

If I give it too much thought, I just drown in despair over how shitty people are. Friendship is so overrated. I trust no one but my nearest and dearest... and the dog and the cats.

That sounds horrifically hard I am so very sorry to hear. How disgusting that not one of your main 'friends' could not say anything helpful. I suppose the excuse is they felt out of their depth but all the same it is still overturning that not a single one of them could stand by you at this time.
Lightning020 · 10/03/2022 19:09

I meant to type perturbing silly autocorrect.

DowntonCrabby · 10/03/2022 19:23

Holy shit @TheVanguardSix FlowersFlowersFlowers that’s awful your friends have turned away at a time you’ll need support more than ever. I really hope it all goes as smoothly as possible for your family and the cunt gets what he deserves Flowers

Babykoala1 · 10/03/2022 19:24

I think life is busy and often friendships are the last to be prioritized. As soon as their support system collapses I.e a relationship breakdown, they soon want to know and get back in regular contact. It’s quite upsetting to be on the other end of it and to feel you’re only important when they need a distraction. I think friendships should be nourished and prioritized but it’s a two way thing. Unfortunately not everyone feels that way. I agree with you OP, people suck.

jytdtysrht · 10/03/2022 19:42

It's just how things are as you get older. I've seen enough shitty behaviour and people have taken advantage of me so many times that I don't want to engage with anyone unless it's necessary. I don't tolerate people taking advantage or being rude to me anymore. I used to take care to always be polite and kind, regardless. Last week, a woman spoke to me like I was shit on her shoe and bollocked me for something that she thought I'd done (I hadn't) so I told her that I had not done what she was accusing me of and death stared her, after which she took a step back and apologised. I then saw her have a random go at someone else! She clearly wanted to make people feel stupid and she did not succeed with me.

Roselilly36 · 10/03/2022 19:47

I get what you are saying OP. I have been there. Now I am much more selective with people I choose to spend time with. I think my expectations were too high. I won’t make that mistake again. Some friends are for life, others are quite transient.

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/03/2022 19:54

With the exception of the complete cunt, which is different, I think it can help to realise that we tend to judge ourselves by our intentions, but other people by their actions - sometimes it helps to turn that around a bit, recognise that other people are doing likewise, and acknowledge that the majority of people don’t mean to let you down, you don’t see the thought process in their head, you just see the end result. Likewise, there will be occasions when people around you have felt that you let them down in your actions, but you’ll not have intended it.

ghostmouse · 10/03/2022 20:24

I’ve lost all my friends pretty much since my husband died. I mean they were there for the first few months but since then I’ve been dumped.

I do get people have thier own lives and I have messaged people to ask how they are and I don’t talk much about myself cos people feel uncomfortable but everyone’s disappeared.

I’m at that life stage where I’m on the fringe of society. The widow. The sad lonely cow.

I’m 44 and my life consists of my kids, my dog, crochet and loneliness.

Fuck my friends. I need new ones!

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