Weddings

[Helenpo455]

I have no experiences with weddings, I have never been to one nor know anyone who is married!
My partner and I have discussed plans to get married one day, I have seen his search history looking at engagement rings regularly this week, and it’s spurred some interest in me to find out more about how they work.
I don’t want a big white wedding in a church or anything like that. We have very small families so it would be a quiet affair without a reception, honeymoon or even stag and hen dos.
Ideally a registry office would suit us, but I don’t like the look of them from photos, and I’d want us to say our vows without having to immediately sign paperwork (if that’s how they work?)
So can any one give me any tips or advise me on planning, what needs considering etc etc? For example can we hire a hall and have a registrar attend or do registry weddings mean at the office only?
Sorry to be clueless but I look forward to hearing about everyone’s lovely weddings or upcoming plans for inspiration!

You can have a gorgeous, small wedding without it having to be in a registry office. It's exactly what we did.

Not sure where you are but the Wee Weddings website gives some lovely ideas that even if you aren't able to access you could use them as a basis for a search for something local to you.

You don't mention a budget I don't think but be warned that small does not mean cheap in this scenario. If anything you're likely to spend more to make it special for everyone!

Not sure what you mean by immediately singing paperwork? Signing the marriage certificate is part of any wedding ceremony.

Some registry offices are a lot prettier than others. Or you can check where near you is licensed for weddings from this list: www.gov.uk/government/publications/civil-marriages-and-partnerships-approved-premises-list

You need to get your official paperwork done, either by having a registrar come to you (at a licensed place) or going to a registry office. But you can go to a registry office one day and get the paperwork sorted, then hold a "ceremony" (with no legal basis) wherever you like - the park, your house, at sea.

Start with a fun party and work your way backwards from there.

Do not attend any wedding fairs.

Try not to become a twat at any time in the process because you want to do something "for the wedding".

If you are in the UK you have to sign the register. It's the legal part of the ceremony.

Thanks for replies, I am in London and I know about the certificate signing but on looking at registry office weddings it looks like people literally swap rings and sign paperwork which seems boring. I’d like a bit more fun and a room/hall that’s decorated nicely and doesn’t look like an old library! So in general with weddings does the paperwork get signed at the time of vows or can you decide to do it after the ceremony before leaving for example? Is it different with church weddings out of curiosity?
Budget hasn’t been considered yet, but it’ll be very simple and basic so I’m hoping no more than £1000 if possible.

To legally get married in England it has to be in a licensed venue/permanent structure with a registra or licensed clergy present.

Registry office weddings are very short in the whole. If you want a pretty hall just invite immediate family to the legal but then have a fun party after.

Or you can do the legal bit just the two of you plus 2 witnesses then get a celebrant or friend to do a ceremony for you.

If you only want to spend £1000 then a registry office really is your best bet. We got married at bakewell registration office and there was nothing office-y or ugly / boring about it at all. It's a gorgeous big old building and has some lovely green spots for photos and restaurants in a short walking distance for afterwards.

How about a hotel, ring around the local hotels and ask if they do a wedding package, DD is having her wedding in a hotel, it's not as expensive as you'd think, definitely not in the tens of thousands range, in fact it's just over 5k.
That includes a 3 course meal, evening buffet and disco.
The wedding planner at the hotel will help you and give you ideas.
We live in an expensive, tourist city

When I got married- in church- we and the witnesses, plus vicar went into a side room to sign the register. So there were no awkward photos of us with a pen in our hands.

I'm afraid I haven't a clue about what order things have to happen in with the registrar (married in church) but I'd give your local one a ring and just ask them? Or drop them an email?

A neighbour of mine got married at Lambeth Town Hall and then went for a posh lunch out afterwards.

I know you said you don't want a reception but you want something "fun" and so it might be that you actually do want a party after. Lots of pubs have lovely upstairs rooms or e.g. lovely South Asian restaurants which will hire you a function room.

Alternatively (since I mentioned Lambeth) here are the other sites with a license in that borough - your borough will have its own list. They're pretty diverse! beta.lambeth.gov.uk/choose-love/venues/licensed-venues Bandstand to the National Theatre!

I am all in favour is small, inexpensive weddings but you need to be realistic about what £1k will get you - do you want wedding rings, a dress, a suit for the groom, flowers, to host some guests with drinks and a meal, a wedding cake, transport to the venue, a night in a hotel? These are all optional - you just need to pay for the registry office but it sounds like you want a bit more than that?

Thanks all, ideally just somewhere local that’s easy to get to. Possibly a meal after but no party as we haven’t got anyone to invite so it’ll be a waste of money. Plus with children it’ll be a nightmare organising anything extra or staying away. I’d like it to happen somewhere that looks nice and flowery in terms of fun, nice photos after etc, as my local registry office is very brown and dated but they don’t allow flowers or decorations for some reason. ASimple dress that I have seen on Debenhams for £120 and my sister is a baker so I’m sure she’d make a cake on the cheap. I’m know I’m jumping ahead a bit as my partner may have other ideas! But it’s nice to get the bigger picture in advance.

Bear in mind if you have to supply flowers that will eat into your budget and only be seen for a very short time.

Marylebone Town Hall has a good choice of pretty rooms, and the flight of steps outside is great for photos. Then jump in a cab and head off for a nice lunch somewhere fun. Good luck.

www.adaytoremember.london/old-marylebone-town-hall

Forgot the link.

You can pick anywhere that's got a license. There are numerous packages, and it seems as the ceremony itself is only about 20 minutes you'll want a lunch or afternoon tea or something for you and the guests that you do have to make it more of an occasion.
You go to the registry office for the initial paperwork before the day - my husband was divorced so think he had to show his papers, ID check etc. then on the day all the signing is just the register, which must be witnessed (our best man and maid of honour did ours).
There is legal wording that must form part of the service, but I think you are allowed to include your own words at some point.
The officiant will have weddings either side of yours so they will want the signing done there and then, we did ours at a lovely table and the photos are just part of the ceremony.
You will then pose for photos if you want to then on to wherever your lunch/tea/whatever is.
Do look around there are some lovely venues that cater for all size weddings. You may save if you have it on a weekday. Don't forget music!

DH and I got married on our own at a lovely place in Cornwall, with the staff as our witnesses. We were served a 3 course meal in our cottage after (then drank champagne in a hot tub, it was great).

We spent about £1600 all in - registrar fees on their own were nigh on £600. My dress was £100, around the same for DH's suit. This covered flowers, petrol, a stay in a nice hotel the day after and a nice meal either side.

Had our original plan gone ahead (covid scuppered that), we would have spent about £4,500 including a small ceremony, a sit down meal for 15 and then a party and buffet for 100.

I've been to weddings at both Hackney and Chelsea town halls and they were beautiful and quite different looking.

You’ll be lucky if a registry office room looks like a boring old library. Some are much worse.

It’s awful how they expect people to marry in such dark shoddy plain rooms because they want a simple/cheap/small wedding or whatever reason they chose an office for!
Also another curious question, veils!? Is that old fashioned/church necessary? I like the look of the veils attached to a tiara or whatever, but not for covering you but is it tacky?

What part of London are you in?

Veils - totally up to you I'd think.