Everything is shit right now

[itsallbeyondshit]

Hey all, I'm trying so hard to be positive lately but everything is shit, I miss the days before covid when everything felt more simple.

I have two grandmas, one is 92 and one is 86, they both deteriorated massively during covid, the 92 year old nan, whilst of course I love her to bits, but for some reason with her it is more expected. The 86 year old nan lived really close to us growing up and honestly is like a second mum to me, she would look after me twice a week when I was young and we really do have a special bond, and even though she's in her 80s, she really never seemed old, but she has aged so much in the last 2 years, I feel like I have lost her already, she isn't herself anymore.

My parents are in there 60s and are looking after both my nans, which I know is a lot for them, especially as the 92 year old nan lives 4 hours away.

As well as this, my sister has been trying for a baby for 2 years, with no luck, all tests come back good, there's no reason she shouldn't be getting pregnant. She is going to be starting IVF soon. She is devastated over it all, especially as 9 of her friends have become pregnant over the 2 years she has been trying. I am really close with my sister, so when she feels sad, I feel sad. Unsurprisingly She is not herself atm.

My mum also had unexplained fertility issues and had to go through ivf for my sisters (weirdly not for me though), my mum has suppressed trauma from this time, I have always known it, it's almost like she has ptsd, but it is really coming out now. She blames herself for my sisters issues, of-course she doesn't express this to my sister, but she does express it to me, she is becoming suicidal over this and tells me that she wants to die. She says she 'would never act on it' but why say it then?
I keep telling her she needs therapy but she never does, and I am becoming angry that she keeps leaning on me rather than being proactive and getting help.

On top of this, I also hate my job and feel I am wasting my life but in the scheme of things that seems like an insignificant problem.

Sorry everything is so hard for you. You seem to be shouldering the emotional burden for so many issues within your family, that sadly aren't in your control. You mention your job - that's one thing over which you do have influence - it might help if you took steps to change this, started looking for other opportunities or retraining. It wouldn't change all the sad things that are happening in your family but it might make one thing better for you.

@ClariceQuiff

Sorry everything is so hard for you. You seem to be shouldering the emotional burden for so many issues within your family, that sadly aren't in your control. You mention your job - that's one thing over which you do have influence - it might help if you took steps to change this, started looking for other opportunities or retraining. It wouldn't change all the sad things that are happening in your family but it might make one thing better for you.

Thank you for your response :) you're right, I can control that.. infact I applied for a job on Friday and have just been invited to an informal call about myself and the role 😁

@MarchFourth

4/10.

?

@MarchFourth

4/10.

I wasn't asking you to rate my problems but thanks for your input

So sorry it's this hard for you and your family right now. Well done on taking the initiative on the job front, and how lucky your family are to have a daughter/sister who cares so much xx

I would tell your mother it’s time to stop making things all about her. Is she usually attention seeking drama llama?
If she had IVF successfully (and more than once!) and she’s in her 60s, then she was REALLY lucky. And now she has 3 children? It’s not weird btw that you were a natural conception. It’s very common, infertility is often not absolute - especially for those who are successful with IVF.
So she really has no good reason on that score to be self indulgent over having successful IVF 30 odd years ago and having 3 (?) kids.
I’d not indulge it at all. She needs to see a therapist or shut up.
Blaming herself for your sister’s fertility (hardly a rare situation) is just attention seeking.

Really lucky, in that success rates then we’re much lower than now.

@MarchFourth

I DID IT ANYWAY. There you go.

You should ask yourself why you felt the need. I'm struggling right now with my own mental health, hating my job which is a big part of my life, my mum telling me she wants to die, my sister struggling with infertility, both of my grandmas having issues (one started showing signs of dementia over covid and then was in hospital with a broken hip recently and then got covid and the other is deteriorating rapidly from being an independent adult to now forgets who my boyfriend is, thankfully she knows who I am). It might sound like a 4/10 to you, but it doesn't feel like that to me. I volunteer for Shout 85258, the crisis text line, and I would NEVER tell anyone who texts in that their problems are a 4/10, because to them, it's not. What were you hoping to achieve from that? Of course lots of other people have worse problems than me, that can be said for almost anything, but that doesn't make my problems less real.

@Cocomarine

I would tell your mother it’s time to stop making things all about her. Is she usually attention seeking drama llama? If she had IVF successfully (and more than once!) and she’s in her 60s, then she was REALLY lucky. And now she has 3 children? It’s not weird btw that you were a natural conception. It’s very common, infertility is often not absolute - especially for those who are successful with IVF. So she really has no good reason on that score to be self indulgent over having successful IVF 30 odd years ago and having 3 (?) kids. I’d not indulge it at all. She needs to see a therapist or shut up. Blaming herself for your sister’s fertility (hardly a rare situation) is just attention seeking.

I know it sounds ridiculous and it has taken me a long time to understand her, because she has everything she wanted now, so why does she live in the past. but her and my dad were trying to conceive for 5 years, the ivf was a gruelling process, she nearly lost my siblings and one of them almost died after birth, my grandad then dropped down dead 4 weeks after they were born unexpectedly. She had postnatal depression after I was born, I don't think she's ever recovered from it all

@MarchFourth

I DID IT ANYWAY. There you go.
Truly pathetic, unkind troll just trying to derail the thread. Ignore from now on.

OP I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I would put some distance between you & your dm & tell her she's upsetting you.

It sometimes seems like everything bad happens at once but it doesn't last forever.
Good luck with your new job opportunities.

So sorry, sounds like you have a lot on your plate and it's only reasonable to feel stressed and annoyed.

As someone who is currently dealing with fertility treatments, I want you to know that it's hard to accept it. I don't know why, (there is a huge list), but it's really hard to accept the fact that your own body is not working as it should, as it is supposed to.

Personally, I knew I had PCOS but still refused to release that this could affect my attempts to conceive later. Be patient, you're a good sister