Why do people think it's ok to comment on other people's weight?

[sleaf]

Following on from a recent thread about rude/offensive comments, it seems a lot are about weight. Why do so many people, especially MILs, think it's ok to comment on other people's weight, especially overweight people?

Both from MIL who we have been NC with for many years, and when we were dating:

"Sleaf is as fat as lard" (when talking about some lard in her fridge)

"I was as slim as Sleaf used to be" - when she was talking about how slim she apparently was after her pregnancies.

Got "fatty" and "FAT!" shouted at me when passing abusive bully neighbours in my old road.

From my younger DB and DF years ago: "You and Mr Sleaf look like sumo wrestlers"

From a taxi driver:
"You've got the same problem as me"
Me: "what's that then?"
"We're both cuddly"

From an old boyfriend: "I was watching a programme the other day, one of the girls looked like a supermodel and the other girl reminded me of you"

Can anyone please explain?

They are rude tossers! That’s the only explanation you need.

It was my own mum who constantly comments on my weight, she asked me
On the bus why I don’t go on a diet, in front of other people.

People are twats. My sil is awful for it. When we were both over weight she was fine, then she went on a full blown gym and weight loss regime. She looks amazing, but now makes sly digs at me about my weight. Bumped into her and her nana in the supermarket a few weeks ago and her nana asked me when I was due. I am not pregnant, I was mortified and they walked off giggling.

a misguided notion that you will magically be motivated to loose the weight thanks to their input.

So we know what terrible people we are, of course. And "for our health", as if they really care about it.

Go read the thread about judging parents of overweight kids sometime...

They are just sad people who can only feel better about their own inadequacies by putting other people down

My biggest bugbear with weight is the attitude of some slim people towards larger people;they act as though weight creates validation eg being big makes you unworthy/stupid/a target for unkind comments.

Similarly I had unkind comments to very slim people about them eg you could do with a good meal etc

Ive seen both ends;I get unkind comments about my size;the worst being a family member suggesting that if I don't lose weight my husband will cheat on me (judging my DH by their own shitty standards) and then seeing my DH cousin's lovely wife receive horrible criticism because she's naturally very slim and actually struggles to keep the weight on through no fault of her own.

I suspect these people often say stupid, bitchy, mean comments that you find easier to ignore and so don’t notice as much as when they comment on your weight. To start being able to leave the comments more with them than impacting you, start by asking yourself the question in your head, “um, I wonder how you’re trying to make me feel with that comment”. If particular comments bother you, then they are comments that are happening to land on an unresolved issue within yourself. We all have those sensitive areas within us that others can trigger with just a comment. Intent can be different with superficially similar comments, but usually people who make insensitive comments about weight make lots of insensitive comments about lots of different things.

I find that weight obsession is extremely common amongst people over 30, especially women.

It's actually sick.

Commenting on someone's weight is outrageously inappropriate. People are massive dicks.

I think that commenting negatively on any aspect of someone’s appearance just proves that you have zero manners. I was brought up hearing “if you can’t say something nice say thing at all”.

Nothing at all!!!!

Because they know they can run away faster.

@UnvarnishedTruth

Because they know they can run away faster.

Not necessarily! In my examples in my original post the people concerned were also overweight and MIL had just a hip replacement in one of them.

You've been really unlucky getting all these comments. Are you a very polite person unlikely to argue back? Just wondering if they think they can get away with it and that's why they do it. (not an excuse of course)

Because they've been allowed to get away with it for so long. People on the receiving end (myself included) haven't fought back because of feelings of shame. Society has told us that we're not as good as them and we've internalised it.

Unless that's just me.

@Jamoffmytoast

You've been really unlucky getting all these comments. Are you a very polite person unlikely to argue back? Just wondering if they think they can get away with it and that's why they do it. (not an excuse of course)

@jamoffmytoast yes, I'm hopeless at standing up for myself so that's probably why. Although MIL - boyfriend's mother at the time - was probably looking for a reaction and a fight as she was evil. Glad we are NC now.