How do you keep on going?

[Samsalone]

Name changed.
I’m sorry this is a whiny thread and I know many many peoples all around the world have it much worse so please don’t feel compelled to read my whinging.

I’m just so sad and empty and am finding it hard to keep plodding on. I feel what is the point. I cry myself to sleep each night like a child.

I feel so helpless with the onslaught of bad news and horrors in the world that I have no power to change and I just think what is the point in life with all this suffering. I donated some things to Ukraine then read on Facebook even that was wrong and delaying proper efforts .

I had an abusive childhood and was groomed, I’ve never really got over this if truth be told. I tried to talk about it in therapy but it didn’t help and I felt worse to be honest.

My marriage broke down and I was unable to have children so am late thirties and childless (possibly best given the state of my mind and the wider world) and am alone without family who live near or am in contact with. Lock down was so difficult and lonely. I also lost the only 2 family members I was close to in the last 2 years. It all just feels relentless.

I have a few lovely friends but they have children and/ or partners and I would never want to intrude or burden them. Plus one is on high alert now and when I spoke to her last week she had me convinced we were about to have a nuclear bomb dropped on us.

I go to work, come home, cry and repeat. I’ve tried every thing to feel better, gym, meditating etc but nothing really helps. I like
walking my dog but he’s had an injury meaning he can’t walk as far as we used to.

No one IRL knows I feel like this although my best friend (not nuclear one) probably has an idea as she rings me and texts me a lot checking up on me. My work colleagues would probably call me happy and bubbly.

I’m living for my dog right now. But I sort of think even he would be better without me as since my ex left (who worked at home) he has been on his own in the day apart from the dog walker visits as I have to work or we won’t have a home at all.
I don’t want to kill myself I just feel so hopeless and sad and what is the point in any of it.

Please tell me to get a grip.
Or share any ways you turned your life around.

OP I think many people are scared and worried. You're not alone. Has this anxiety come on suddenly or has it been there for a while? Can you get an urgent appointment with your GP tomorrow? I'm worried about you. Keep posting here x

Have you seen your gp, or considered anti d’s if counselling did not work for you? You sound depressed/ overwhelmed. Sometimes what we have to deal with is too big, there is help available. It will not change the war / relationships & fertility struggles, but will help you deal with the sadness.

Thank you both for replying, your kind words mean more than you could know.

I’ve not been to the GP about how I feel, partially because I was actually briefly on medication as a teenager and it actually made me feel worse and also because practically at my surgery you have to ring on the day at 8am for an appointment and it can take 100 goes and I start work at 8! I guess it is worth a consideration/ conversation though.

Have you tried a listening service rather than counselling? That can sometimes be much better than someone trying to unpack your issues.

This also might be a really daft idea but you could also try online dating. Not to go looking for anything serious but just to get a little dressed up and take your mind off negative things. And, who knows, maybe you'll meet someone you quite fancy.

I understand how you feel to an extent
My situation isn't exactly like yours, but life feels very gloomy and uncertain at the moment. You have to fight really hard against the heavy and hopeless feelings. On a brighter note, spring is very close and I find (literal) brighter days help massively. The winter has been grim.

@HumunaHey sorry you have been having a rough time too, it’s all just relentless isn’t it. I agree that the spring days are coming - lovely woodland walks are just around the corner so that’s something - the thing that got me through lockdown too!
I’ve not tried or really even heard of a listening service, but that could help. I’ll have a google, thank you.
Not sure I’m in the headspace for dating just at the minute though - anyone would probably run a mile !

Lol I completely understand not wanting to date right now. I'm sure no one would run a mile though

OP I am a similar age and also in a similar situation, really just living for my little cat, it's so hard isn't it

I know you said medication has made things worse in the past, but I would really consider trying it again, there are so many different antidepressants now and hopefully one could help. I have only tried sertraline, the doctors recommended it as apparently has the least side effects, and the difference it has made is incredible. I wish I had started it sooner. Nothing like counselling/meditation/yoga etc helped enough until I started taking the meds, they take the edge of the sadness and just give you a bit more energy to start engaging with things again. Perhaps you could speak to your GP about the different options?

I'm also trying to cut down on the news, as it has really ramped up my anxiety in the last few days. It's hard maintaining the balance between being kept informed and becoming overwhelmed.

Sending hugs

Sorry I don't know why my app has put sad faces, they were supposed to be flowers! X