New job but very sick family member!

[angelalansburysteapot]

Just after a bit of advice regarding the situation I've found myself in.

I starting applying for jobs just after Xmas after being unable to work over the last few years due to chronic illness.

I'm finally in a position where I can manage to work a few hours a week and to be quite honest, I'm desperate to get out of the house and do something for myself. I've only had a couple of call backs and interviews despite applying for 50+ positions.
I was finally offered a job a couple of weeks ago & due to start next week.

We found out last week an immediate family member has weeks to live. We're all in complete shock and absolutely heartbroken. The thing is, I now need to help care for this family member and also want to spend as much time as possible with them for the precious time we have left.

I'm gutted about both potentially losing a job I've not even started yet (that took a while to even get!) but equally I'm not in a position to be able to work at the moment.

What do I do?? 😥

If you want to be with your family member then you need to tell your employer the truth and not take the job.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I think I would have to speak to them at work and apologise and say that you can't start until after the inevitable has happened.

How many hours would you have to work if you took the job? Could a caring role work around those hours?

Depends on the job. I took a new job in a January and my DDad was diagnosed with terminal cancer in the February (and was dead 4 weeks later). They were brilliant and shoved me out the door when it became clear we were in the last couple of days. But I was in a role which they’d really struggled to recruit for and had had five weeks or so of working so they could see I wasn’t workshy and I’d just knuckled down in the weeks beforehand because it was a good displacement activity.

I’m sorry you’re going through this and hope you’ll have a similarly understanding new boss.

Explain what has happened to your new employer. They may allow you to delay your start date. If not, I'd take it as a sign that it's not the right employer for you, you'll find the right one when the time is right.

How very sad, so sorry . If you want to be with your family member then you can't accept the job so you'll just have to let the company know.

Call the employer Nd tell them
They will hold the place fir you
Or not
Give them the option

Iv'e got a situation ATM where a staff member started the job and then went sick within days because of a family issue. It hasn't made her look good, but we shall wait for her to be well enough to start properly. If she needs very long it will be unpaid because of her short service, but the job will be held for her unless it turns into months on end.

Thank you for your replies.

It's a position they've been struggling to fill due to the rural location. And the hours are pretty perfect for what I was looking for.

I was thinking about asking if they'd be willing to allow me to start on a short term reduced hours contract whilst I share the caring duties with my brother. But when the end is near, I'm going to have to be there round the clock so will be unable to work for possibly a week or two.

It's a truly awful situation and obviously family takes priory over potential new job right now but equally don't want to let them down.

Arghhh...everything was finally going so well for the first time in a shitty few years!!

I second being honest and giving the employer the option to hold on for you or not.

I’d also think about whether it is possible to care for your relative around your job? Is there anyone else that can share the care?

I started a new job last year when a close relative was in the final weeks of his life. Another relative spent days with him, then I went to see him every day after work and would spend the evening with him. I saw him at weekends, too.

He died 3 weeks after I started the job. I was actually with him when he died, one evening when I visited after work ❤️

I’m so glad I had that time with him, but the job kept me sane in some ways, gave my days structure and was a Godsend after he died.

Think it through, talk to your employer and you’ll do the right thing.

Definitely tell them. If they want you then hopefully they can delay your start date.

I'm really sorry to hear of your situation OP, that's a tough one. But just a thought - are people over-relying on you because you haven't had a job until now? Can someone else take a turn so you could do all/most your hours, at least until it became clear you needed to be there all the time. Please think it over and don't be too quick to throw in the towel without considering other options.

Be honest. You can’t fulfil the requirements of the job, but they may be prepared to delay your start date . If not, you’ll at least know you did your best for your family member, but I don’t think you can expect to start a job and not give it your full attention.

I started a job a few years ago and just before the interview my mum got diagnosed with cancer and need me to take her to chemo . They let me start a month later so def worth asking . They may be able to cover you for a while .

Ask & be transparent: I expect they may be flexible

I think most people would understand that you have responsibilities and be sympathetic

Ask them if you can have a delayed start or reduced hours. I know my company would allow this given the circumstances.