How do I stand up to a bully?

[Supersimkin2]

Best advice please, wise women- it’s a work thing. We’ve got a horrid little manager who’s gone Putin on some of the staff, who are leaving. No more cos it’s outing, but as usual
not a chance in hell the usual HR channels will work.

Aggressive tone, unsubstantiated accusations, startlingly brusque. Rude and inappropriate all round, loves power, you know the type. Help sorely needed.

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Leave. There's nothing you can do about a bully unless management are totally on board and demonstrate they're capable of doing something about it. In my experience, it's better just to leave, preferably before your mental health takes a beating.

It's very wearing taking a bully on, day in, day out.

However, if you have to:

1. Aggressive tone - "Did you mean to be so rude?"
2. Unsubstantiated allegations - if you can hold it together to fire questions back at them, that trips them up. eg Why did you do X or You did this thing (way over the top, exaggerated, unfounded etc) - "Did you know that other boss requested/ customer required/ funding provided by government grant etc." "Were you aware of email from superboss dated .... stated ...."
3. Do not let yourself be forced onto the defensive EVER - it's a downhill spiral. Paddington Bear stare if all words fail you. Do not apologise for anything - "Let me think about that, I disagree with your interpretation". "I'll look into it, but my initial feeling is that is incorrect".

@BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation

Leave. There's nothing you can do about a bully unless management are totally on board and demonstrate they're capable of doing something about it. In my experience, it's better just to leave, preferably before your mental health takes a beating.

^

This x 1000 times

My DH was bullied at work, new CEO who wanted to change management team, most left, he fought back, won his grievance case, then was paid off to leave.
So chances are you will loose, especially if they have senior management backing.

@SpaceshiptoMars

It's very wearing taking a bully on, day in, day out.

However, if you have to:

1. Aggressive tone - "Did you mean to be so rude?"
2. Unsubstantiated allegations - if you can hold it together to fire questions back at them, that trips them up. eg Why did you do X or You did this thing (way over the top, exaggerated, unfounded etc) - "Did you know that other boss requested/ customer required/ funding provided by government grant etc." "Were you aware of email from superboss dated .... stated ...."
3. Do not let yourself be forced onto the defensive EVER - it's a downhill spiral. Paddington Bear stare if all words fail you. Do not apologise for anything - "Let me think about that, I disagree with your interpretation". "I'll look into it, but my initial feeling is that is incorrect".

I was going to comment, but read yours first... Exactly what I was going to say. I am good with being direct. Also the co-workers will see how you are handling the situation and may step up to the plate also.

"No more cos it’s outing"
I don't understand this OP...can you explain?

Thanks all - this is great. I’m going to start with questions to the bully - a lot of them, all entirely reasonable.

Bully won’t be able to answer them, tee hee.

Surely management are asking questions if people are leaving........

I'd challenge unsubstantiated accusations with: 'What are you basing that on?' Or 'On what grounds are you saying this?'

With bad tone of voice/brusqueness, I'd be extremely civil back, or politely pedantic.

E.g. if they say 'Do it! Now!' I'd say, 'The other things I have to do "Now" are X Y Z and ABC. Which order of right now shall I do them?'

Or just mimic their tone.
If boss barks 'Get it sorted!' bark back 'X is priority. Will do it next!' Mirror their behaviour as they might not be aware how bad they sound. Bullies usually crumble if you so much as prod them with your pinkie unless they are psychos. Don't hang around if they are.

They’re miles away and haven’t noticed yet. We have cos we’re doing three times as much work. And being abused roundly by Baby Putin. It’s nasty and it needs to stop.

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