Depression or life being hard?

[AwkwardPaws27]

I'm trying to work out if I'm:

• slipping back into depression & not coping with life very well because of it or
• life is actually throwing more at us right now than normal people should reasonably expect themselves to cope with.

It just feels like a lot to cope with right now.

• FIL was very unexpectedly diagnosed with a brain tumour last week, during a CT for a head injury. We're awaiting neurosurgeon opinion on whether to operate.

• MIL is about to have a joint replaced, & step-FIL is recovering from a similar surgery.

• My dad recently had a battery of tests after being bluelighted in with chest pains; thankfully nothing serious uncovered but worrying nonetheless

(Our parents aren't elderly - all early 60s, working full time; we are early 30s).

• We're supposed to be starting building work (small kitchen extension & new kitchen) in a few weeks. A good thing, kitchen is falling apart, but stressful.

• DDog has been sick for the last 9 months so we're juggling his medication & medical appointments.

• I'm 6 months pregnant after 3 miscarriages. This is a very good thing obviously, but also hard.

• I had covid 4 weeks ago and have only just stopped coughing. Still knackered.

• I have a fun pregnancy related rash across my chest, bump and thighs, which is spreading and is so bloody itchy.

• I was in hospital last night after a bizarre episode of blurred vision, pins and needles/numbness in my arms legs and face, & loss of speech. Very scary. Awaiting an appointment as they think it was a TIA (mini stroke). I'm hoping it was something less sinister like a brainstem aura migraine.

• and to top it off, this morning, I've woken up with my 4th or 5th bout of fucking thrush since becoming pregnant.

Honestly right now tears are being shed over the thrush. It's the last bloody straw, I only had treatment prescribed an a midwife appt 9 days ago so not sure I can even buy canestan and repeat it again.

So - am I just not coping with normal life shit or have we had an unusual amount of shit recently?

So so sorry to hear everything you are going through
Please seek some help. Depression can be caused by life events. You sound very strong. You will get through everything. Sending you lots of love x

I've got a perinatal psychiatry appointment in just over a week to discuss whether to try medication but I don't know if it will really help as I feel like a lot of how I'm feeling is due to everything that's happening?
Unless I'm being ridiculous and this is just normal life and I'm blowing it out of proportion.

Thankfully lovely lovely pharmacist said it was OK to get another dose of canestan (but will discuss the recurrent thrush at my consultant appointment on Wednesday).

I have also bought a pack of giant cotton knickers from M&S, a size too big, to aid with air flow (I always wear cotton undies anyway but thought a looser fit might help).

I also can't decide what to do about work tomorrow/this week. I'm waiting for a phonecall from the hospital about the possible TIA, apparently I should be seeing a specialist this week.
I'm supposed to be starting a new piece of work tomorrow and frankly I don't know if I have the headspace to actually do it. I'm on high alert for every tingle or change.

I think your list of circumstances is pretty shit for anyone, no matter how their mental health was before hand. Please be kind to yourself and get exercise, fresh air, do something creative, treat yourself etc. These things could trigger a relapse but perhaps a one off session of therapy could help gain some empathy and a listening ear which can be comforting. Big love x

@passwordnotsecure

I think your list of circumstances is pretty shit for anyone, no matter how their mental health was before hand. Please be kind to yourself and get exercise, fresh air, do something creative, treat yourself etc. These things could trigger a relapse but perhaps a one off session of therapy could help gain some empathy and a listening ear which can be comforting. Big love x

I'd love to go for a pregnancy massage but I have this horrible itchy rash so don't think I can. I'm pretty scared to even go for a walk in case the TIA thing happens again (my legs when numb and it was v hard to walk from the carpark to the hospital).

I've been having CBT but I don't see how any of the tools can help with everything that is happening. I even can't lie still and try to do relaxation techniques without DH constantly checking I'm OK

I am usually quite creative but this pregnancy has been so fraught that honestly I'm not enjoying crafting, it's just one more thing for me to make a mess of and ruin.

Have they checked your liver? Scratchy skin during pregnancy can sometimes be a sign of a struggling liver. I think you've had a lot of stress op, I'm not surprised you're struggling right now.

Jesus, you are wading in shit creek and I think anyone would be struggling to cope with all that. It's just too much at one time, at an age where you wouldn't expect all of it.

Time will pass and things will resolve themselves but right now just take any help you can get.

@MiniCooperLover

Have they checked your liver? Scratchy skin during pregnancy can sometimes be a sign of a struggling liver. I think you've had a lot of stress op, I'm not surprised you're struggling right now.

It's not on my palms or feet so they didn't think it was that. He called it polymorphic eruption of pregnancy.

I had a very similar episode to that which you are describing a few months ago. Doctor thought it might have been a stroke but I have since been diagnosed with migraine with sensory aura. The prodrome phase which occurs a few days before a migraine can make you feel very depressed so it may be this that you are experiencing too. I've been under a lot of stress recently and was told that these migraines can be brought on by stress. I hope you get some answers soon.

@Worzel77

I had a very similar episode to that which you are describing a few months ago. Doctor thought it might have been a stroke but I have since been diagnosed with migraine with sensory aura. The prodrome phase which occurs a few days before a migraine can make you feel very depressed so it may be this that you are experiencing too. I've been under a lot of stress recently and was told that these migraines can be brought on by stress. I hope you get some answers soon.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have read a few accounts of migraines which sound v similar & I'm hoping it is that. The doctor last night thought the only thing it could be was a TIA which was pretty worrying. They've put me on 300mg aspirin a day while i wait for the appointment but I'm worried about that too as its not usually recommended in pregnancy.

Being unable to speak was really scary. DH is worried about leaving me alone as I was unable to communicate so if it happened again I wouldn't be able to call for help.

That's really interesting about the prodrome phase of migraines. I've had one or two a year, almost always during my period, so probably would have thought any mood changes were PMS related. I get visual disturbances but never had the numbness or speech loss before.

The depression that I experienced before the episode of numbness, tingling, weakness and difficulty speaking was different to / more concerning than any feelings of depression I had experienced before. I find my migraines are more likely to occur before my period but not always. I can also experience just the weakness and tingling etc without an actual headache occurring afterwards. I had an appointment with The National Migraine Centre (I contacted them directly not through my GP) and they were very helpful.

The Stroke/TIA team can't see me for over two weeks. Luckily I have a consultant obs&gynae appointment tomorrow related to pregnant so can discuss the aspirin with them then as I'm worried about it.

The itchy rash (polymorphic eruption of pregnancy) has now spread up to my jaw/chin, and down to my knees. Such fun!

I'm very grateful to be pregnant but I'm clearly not cut out for it. I feel like I'm falling apart.