If a grandparent takes the legal route for visitation…

[CatCuddler999]

I’m not in contact with my mother due to suffering years of her manipulation and nastiness. She doesn’t have much of a relationship ship with my daughter due to her acting strangely/ saying weird things around my dd and my dd not being keen to see her either. Also, I’ve wanted to protect dd from her manipulation and meanness also.

After 50 years of misery I’ve finally put my foot down and said I want no more contact with my mother. If she decides to launch a legal battle to see dd, what leg do I have to stand on and what do I do?

She is fond of a legal battle and has launched several in the past!

Are you in the UK? I don’t think grandparents have any rights do they?

Dd is 12 in case that matters.

Grandparents have no legal right to see their grandchildren. She would have no case.

Grandparents have no legal rights to grandchildren. You have nothing to worry about.

Yes, in the UK.

If your mother hasn’t had regular contact with your Dd why would she want it now?

Google finds this

Do grandparents have legal rights in the UK?

Grandparents do not have a right to see their grandchild in England and Wales and they also do not have automatic parental responsibility. It is not possible for grandparents to gain parental responsibility by applying for a Parental Responsibility Order.

raydensolicitors.co.uk/areas/grandparents-legal-rights-uk/

No legal right.

Also older childrens feelings are taken into account.

She'd be pissing in the wind and wasting her money.

Phew that’s good to hear. I’m also concerned she will attempt suicide. She did that in the past when her husband left her. She then manipulated him into giving her tons of money through guilt!

@ivykaty44 to be honest she just likes to pick fights.

Grandparents have no legal rights to their grandchildren.
There are cases where they have been awarded visitation, however they have to prove that they have a huge positive impact on said child, and that it would be detrimental to grandchild to not have that relationship.

Smile
Shrug
Way h get waste her money

@CatCuddler999

Phew that’s good to hear. I’m also concerned she will attempt suicide. She did that in the past when her husband left her. She then manipulated him into giving her tons of money through guilt!

Concern?

You’re a kinder person than me

How are you finding stuff like this out OP? You need to cut all means of communication.

She has no rights and her putting fear into you over this is yet further manipulation. For the sake of your DD and yourself, you must cut this communication to the point if she did suicide (she won't) you would never get to hear of it.

If it's family that might report back, tell them your relationship with your mother is a banned subject and you don't want to know anything about her at all. ANY THING. You won't heal until you are totally oblivious to her being on the same planet.

She sounds unwell really OP, and it sounds like you don't like her very much nor get anything out of maintaining a form of contact, which is reasonable, it is no small thing to endure a parent's manipulation and abuse. Surely it would be better to have no contact?

I'd assume she hasn't started legal proceedings tbh, since no solicitor would be able to proceed with something that isn't an option in this country. She is probably just saying she has. I would tell her there is no such thing in the UK, that I hope she gets some help from the GP and wouldn't have contact with her.

If she attempts suicide that is because she is unwell, not because of you.

Nobody else has contact with her because of how she is. She has completely isolated herself.

The only time a grandparent has rights is if they have been primary carer for some time and it is in the best interests of the child to continue the relationship.

If she threatens suicide I would ask police to do a welfare check. She sounds like she needs professional help which you are not capable of giving. But bringing her to the attention of authorities would be a good thing

She has no legal right, the only time courts get involved is in specific circumstances eg where the grandparents raised the child, had a very close relationship then their resident parent died and they went to their other parent ... never in your circumstances plus at 12 your dc can decide for themselves if they want a relationship

Hi, OP. Sending my sympathy, as you find yourself in a horrible situation. Firstly, can I suggest you join the Facebook group “Necessary Family Estrangement”, as the members will be able to offer you support and advice from their own, similar experiences. It can be problematic asking for advice on this subject on Mumsnet, because you’ll receive a lot of replies from well-intentioned people who know very little on the matter.

Grandparents in England have no automatic rights when it comes to access to their grandchildren. However, they are now allowed to apply to the courts to seek permission to pursue access in a legal capacity. When they apply for this permission, it is quite often granted, but then they are faced with having to prove in court that they should indeed be allowed access.

This system was set up due to the number of grandparents being cut out of the children’s lives due to family break up. For example, mum and dad have an acrimonious divorce, and subsequently, mum refuses to allow dad or his parents to see the kids. But that’s not the case in your situation.

For grandparents to be awarded access, they must provide evidence of a previous positive and significant relationship with the child. If they were providing regular childcare access is often granted. It doesn’t sound as though this applies in your case.

My father instructed his solicitor to write to us, setting out his intention to have access to our three children. We had our own solicitor reply making it very clear we would not allow him anywhere near the kids, for various reasons, but mainly because he hates me. We were then left in a sort of limbo while we waited to see if he would go via the courts. We never heard anything further, and as some time has now passed, I’m hoping he has given up.

Unfortunately, I do know of others whose estranged parents have indeed been granted access so it’s not impossible. But from your brief post, I would say it is extremely unlikely your mother would be successful. Wishing you all the best. I’m sure you’re making the right decision for yourself and your daughter. Good luck.

She can go whistle

Thanks for the advice all. She babysat once for an hour when dd was a baby. Never since. She has seen dd for maybe an hour three times a year and that’s it. Dd dreads her visits as do I.

Make sure you name guardians in your will OP in case you die and care of your dd goes to her. Other than that, just do nothing. Her mental health is her responsibility, not yours, you are not obliged to respond to her threats of self harm.

@WallaceinAnderland we already have a will set up and dd is going to a close friend of ours.

[quote CatCuddler999]@WallaceinAnderland we already have a will set up and dd is going to a close friend of ours.[/quote]
Unlike what this and @WallaceinAnderland suggests, you cannot 'will' children. In the fortunately very rare event that children are left without a surviving parent able to care for them, a determination is made. A letter in the will stating your wishes and reasons might hold sway, but ultimately they would look at a range of factors. With your DD at the age she is and able to state preferences it's ok, but I think it's good for people with very difficult families to be aware that a line in a will isn't binding.

You are your daughter’s voice
Why are you subjecting her and yourself to these visits?