How to comfort bereaved friend who's having a crap time

[tulips27]

I've just had a tough conversation with my friend whose grandfather has passed away very unexpectedly yesterday. They're also going through a breakup and a few other bad life events have happened to them recently. I've never been the best at condolences but this was much more difficult than usual because they're having an objectively bad time, many bad things happening at once. We're supposed to speak again tomorrow but I felt a bit taken aback by how much they're going through (I only just found out their relationship had ended too), I was really left lost for words so I did just say "I don't know what to say" which really isn't helpful, it it? Any advice on what to say (or what not to say!) would be helpful.

Honestly just maintain contact and let them talk.

Key question - how do you feel today? Some days better than others.

Keep checking in via text. Call at weekends.

Offer to gently take them out - for a cup of teas, out for lunch, gradually let the world in.

Suggest counselling if they get stuck

Don’t feel you have to solve a thing - you can’t. Just be there for them.

Just be there for them. A home cooked meal delivered to their doorstep is usually a nice gesture, or ask if they want to meet for lunch or a coffee.
Do g always assume they want to be alone. Company/talking might be what they want just now

Just be there and listen if they want to talk about their problems. And talk about other things if they don’t want to talk about their stuff.

I know it’s horrible to feel like you should be saying a certain thing that will fix the situation and make it better. But there is no fixing it - all you can do is make it more bearable for them by keeping them company if they want it.

I’m going through a tough time atm, and what means most is friends sending messages or cards to say they’re thinking of me, or ringing me regularly (every few days or every few weeks) or asking me to meet up when I’m ready. It’s knowing that friends are there, really there, and will stay there, ready for when I need them. Be the person your friend knows they can rely on, and who will cope whether they need to laugh or cry or just talk.

You can’t solve this, and I think it’s ok to acknowledge that you don’t know what to say. My DH died very suddenly last year, and a lot of people said “I am so sorry, I don’t know what to say.” That’s ok, there isn’t really anything you can say. Just be there for her, listen if she wants to talk, text her if you haven’t heard from her for a while to see how she’s doing. You sound like a great friend, keep doing what you are doing.

I'm very sorry about your husband, @badlydrawnbear .

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time @ adollopofthisandthat .
Thanks for all the replies, they really helped me think it over.