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How to deal with nights with newborn and days with toddler

7 replies

Jskfh837 · 05/03/2022 18:43

I have a 2.5 year old and a 6 week old baby. How do others cope with hardly any sleep during the night up with newborn and then up at the crack of dawn with toddler? (no childcare yet until they're 3).
I'm struggling as last night I go 2 one hour sleeps and the rest of the time was up rocking, breast feeding or with the baby on my chest. Toddler no longer naps and I don't feel comfortable co sleeping. Any tips to not feel like a zombie?

OP posts:
DownWhichOfLate · 05/03/2022 19:07

Do you have a partner? You need to sleep whenever possible. Hand over baby as soon as toddler is asleep and get some sleep yourself. Bit harder if you’re on your own…

Devo1818 · 05/03/2022 19:12

Agree, if you have a partner they need to get up with toddler and let you sleep in. Also routine! I found having a routine in the day helped - get a bag packed the night before for the day ahead, up and dressed, out in the morning to burn off energy then back for lunch then collapse on the sofa in front of cbeebies. Hand the baby or toddler over as much as possible.

wearyanddreary · 05/03/2022 19:13

Oh gosh, I had a similar age gap and I genuinely can't remember much of that whole first year which I lived in a haze of sleep deprivation (2nd DC wasn't a fan of sleeping at all!). I didn't cope very well (PND) and felt like a zombie much of the time. We had just done a long-distance move, were away from family and had no friends locally.

If you have family and friends nearby this is definitely the time to use them, take any offer of help you get, and sleep any second you can (it is nothing like the same as a good nights sleep I know). I sent my 1st DC to a local nursery, earlier than planned, at 2.5 for a few mornings a week just to have a little quiet time where I could slow down and not deal with toddler energy levels (and very occasionally nap). I used the tiny bit of time in the evening / when the eldest was at nursery to prepare a couple of activities for them to keep them busy...I'd set up a tray with a craft activity, dig out a book from a pile I kept hidden away and set up some toys in a corner ready. It didn't mean I could rest but at least meant I didn't have to put too much thought into entertaining them when I was tired. When I did cook I'd always make double meals and freeze so it gave me at least 3/4 days a week when I didn't need to sort dinner.

Oh and TV. This is a time where any rules on tv can be stretched. If you can grab 20 minutes to sit down with your eldest while they watch tv and you have a cup of tea, then do it.

The main way I coped though was by having a lie in at least 3-4 times a week. So after baby was awake and fed and toddler was awake too DH would take them downstairs and I'd go to sleep for 2 hours. It's not much, but it did mean I was vaguely more coherent.

Sorry, I know that's not helpful in actually solving the lack of night time sleep (the truth is we never did solve it, despite trying everything), but I hope there's something useful in there.

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Overtheroadroundthecorner · 05/03/2022 19:17

I was in this situation during lockdown. Looking back I have no idea how I survived it, with no support. But I did.

I’m afraid my toddler got plonked in front of the tv a lot, while I just rested. It was just about surviving.

I tried to go to bed early when baby did and toddler was in bed. Good luck, it’s hard but soon passes.

cptartapp · 05/03/2022 19:24

My age gap was the same and I wouldn't have survived if DS1 wasn't in nursery, iirc I even booked him in an extra day. We had zero family help.
That first year was the hardest. I went back to work when DS2 was five months for a break.

5ambreakfastclub · 05/03/2022 19:26

i was in this exact situation 2 years ago , remember it vividly! Plus my husband was stuck overseas ( thanks covid!) and i was completely alone. It was knackering and i completely sympathise. I used to give my older DD a biscuit at 0600 when she got up, Bing on the tv and a coffee for me while feeding baby. Then every day i would go out in the morning ( our one walk!) to get fresh air. Baby would usually sleep in pram and i could have some playtime with my older DD then lunch , nap for DD1 and sometimes baby and then allll the disney films till dinner . Honestly i didn't stress about tv so long as i got out once a day. and now she's 4 and honestly not bothered by tv so it didn't do her any harm. It's a very very tiring time and it's hard to see the wood from the trees when you are in the middle of it but i promise it gets better . If you have a partner definitely get him to take them both early so you can have a lay in a few times a week!

Jskfh837 · 05/03/2022 19:30

Thanks all. I keep telling myself it won't last forever and I won't die from no sleep...I hope 😬😃
I do have a partner but he works shift work so often is already out the door by 5am some days or others isn't home until 2am. On his late shifts he does have them for a bit whilst I try and nap in the morning Problem we are having at the moment is even if I head up to bed early once toddlers in bed, the baby wants to cluster feed on me so means I'm not sleeping anyway. Hopefully the baby will sleep a little longer stretches soon...he is also so noisy at night I can hardly sleep sometimes!

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