Stop me from cancelling this lunch

[changenamemarch]

I’m too scared to go .

Very close friend has suggested we go out for a meal in a few days time, she’s booked a restaurant and says we’ll have a lovely time .

I’m so bloody nervous . I’ve bought a lovely new top, have a pair of shoes I haven’t worn much and a decent handbag but I hardly ever go out and only go to a proper restaurant once in a blue moon - probably only 5-10 times in the last ten years .

I’m not good at going out in general, and I’m going to get into shopping centre a good half hour early, and probably end up in a panic waiting . I take panic attacks (she knows that), and worried I’ll spend the whole time nervous .

I do want to see her, just the organising and getting there worries me . I know it’s a good step for me to go out but social anxiety/agoraphobia makes it so difficult .

Counsellor said break it into steps so walking round to the bus (5-10 minutes), an hour on the bus, and then about 30 minutes waiting in shopping centre .

I feel stupid for being so worried/nervous, I travel up and down the country quite often but I’m used to doing that and it’s always on my own, I hardly ever go out to see friends at all .

Please don't cancel it will good for your mental health.

I too suffer with social anxiety and spend far too long in run up to social events, stressing over it.

Please go and it won't be as bad as you think. If you cancel you will feel relief but not for long as you'll stress about cancelling.

Sounds like your friend knows about your panic attacks, so will be understanding if you have one. Or tell her if it gets too much.

Once you get to the lunch you'll wonder why you got so stressed, as you'll be distracted with ordering lunch, catching up with friend etc.

I know what you mean the build up beforehand is the worse. Can you plan it so your not waiting around too long? What your councillor says is a good way to look at it, break the journey down in small steps. When on the bus, distract yourself with music, or game on your phone, or counting to 100. Or people watch out the window.

You will feel so much better if you do this and be proud off yourself. It's tough and we know avoiding things makes it so much harder.

During your waiting time at the shopping centre maybe set yourself some errands to do.

Browse for a book. Browse for a magazine. Buy a cookie for later. Obviously choose things you would like to do or buy and browse the shops you enjoy.

Are you using public transport, how about a glass of wine prior to leaving to loose up a bit. Don't arrive too early

Your not being stupid and you've just helped me and I can't thank you enough for that

I never ever used to panic, I was really really outgoing,always up for a laugh,loved spending time with my friends and family.

But now I have to build myself up to just go food shopping and I feel ridiculous for it, I would never and have never judged anyone else for feeling this way but I do judge myself for being this way!

A few days ago I suggested that me and my DD18 should go out for a nice meal tonight just her and me(we have 5DC,1DGC and 1DGC on the way) we've always prioritised being able to have 1 on 1 time with all of our DC.

All day my stomach has been in knots, but I started reading your thread and I thought I've got to do this,so I've gone and had a bath and I'm getting ready and I'm going,so Thankyou OP!

I know once I'm there I'll have a good time and make some lovely memories so I'm pushing myself and going and then after tonight I think I'm going to start organising things only a day before so my nerves don't have the time to make me feel bloody awful.

You will have a lovely time with your friend. Does she know that you are anxious? Could you travel there together or have someone accompany you on the journey to the restaurant?