Wwyd - dc stealing

[NotABear]

Dc3 is 9. He is autistic and has adhd. But he does understand right from wrong. That is however not an excuse for his behaviour.

While he was with his dad in the supermarket at the weekend he pocketed a pack of mints without anyone realising. When exh realised, (at home), he removed ds's ipad for the day and spoke to him about stealing.

Me and Ds just popped into Morrisons to pick up 2 things. We've come home and I've just realised he's stolen a pack of chewing gum.

He seems to think it's a skill and he should be proud of it but I want it nipping in the bud. I understand he is very impulsive but he has to learn that it's not acceptable behaviour.

Tempted to take him back to Morrisons, get him to apologise and pay for the gum out of his money. Maybe a bit of embarrassment might put him off in future?

Wwyd?

I would do exactly that

Yes I would try that too

Yes actions have consequences he needs to learn them fast

Not sure that will really help if he is doing this as an ADHD impulse - most children with ADHD are unable to control the impulses due to differences in their frontal cortex. A sanction after the event is unlikely to be strong enough for him to be able to manage his impulsive behaviour at a later date.

Is he medicated for the ADHD or receive any support? I suspect it needs to be dealt with in the broader context of impulse control/management ( whilst agreeing still do need boundaries).

I am concerned about his impulsiveness. I'm aware that I don't want to highlight to him that he has an impulse issue as I don't want him to be aware and use that as an excuse for this type of behaviour.
He is not currently medicated at all as he refuses point black to take his meds and has done for around a year.
Saying that, overall he is maturing and improving with his self regulation in other areas and I'm not sure he needs medication at the moment.
I feel like he does need a punishment but then am I punishing him for something he can't control? I don't know. He does have some social barriers which is why I think he feels like it's a skill. But I need the stealing to stop

Yes I would do what you have described.

I did similar at around that age and it's how my mum dealt with it. The embarrassment ensured I never did it again.

Other than that it's normal for kids around that age to experiment with more serious rule breaking so don't be too hard on yourself (and for your son just look hard)

@NotABear

Dc3 is 9. He is autistic and has adhd. But he does understand right from wrong. That is however not an excuse for his behaviour.

While he was with his dad in the supermarket at the weekend he pocketed a pack of mints without anyone realising. When exh realised, (at home), he removed ds's ipad for the day and spoke to him about stealing.

Me and Ds just popped into Morrisons to pick up 2 things. We've come home and I've just realised he's stolen a pack of chewing gum.

He seems to think it's a skill and he should be proud of it but I want it nipping in the bud. I understand he is very impulsive but he has to learn that it's not acceptable behaviour.

Tempted to take him back to Morrisons, get him to apologise and pay for the gum out of his money. Maybe a bit of embarrassment might put him off in future?

Wwyd?

I did exactly that with DS!

Only had to do it once.

Straight back into shop to apologise (ask for the manager!) and hopefully be mortified is exactly what I'd do.

My ds once asked for something in a shop. I said no.
He said well ill put it in my pocket.
I said that's wrong, stealing can get you in a lot of trouble.
He said he didnt care and put in his pocket.

We went through till. Him looking a bit smug. Got to the door, i said to security, excuse me my son has stolen something! And made him hand it over.. With the warning next time it would be the police i take him to.

He never stole again.

When my sibling was small he stole twice. My dad took him to the police station and got them to put him in a cell. Only for 10 minutes. But enough to scare him not to do again.