Ds’ bully is going to the same secondary school

[RockpoolGirl]

Ds had to leave his primary school three years ago because of a bully. The boy was hitting, kicking, pushing ds to the ground, throwing his lunch in the bin etc etc.

I’ve just head that the bully is now going to ds’ secondary school as well. Every time we see him somewhere he makes a beeline for ds, going ‘did you leave the school cos of me?’ And making a nuisance of himself.

I dread to think what will happen at school. Should we move ds?

How big is the secondary school? Does it split initially in halves/thirds?

You should be able to write to the head of year 7 / transition leader and ask if the boys can be in separate halves of the year or in forms such that they don't have lessons together.

Explain the situation 3 years ago, that you know people can change but even now etc so for peace of mind etc.

Will your DS have friends from current school who will 'have his back'?

It’s ten form entry.

His friends are nice enough but I’m not sure they’d have his back as such. The bully is built like a tank.

Would they be sharing transport eg bus or walking route? I might well be concerned then.

In school, if in separate halves their paths wouldn't need to cross much for y7. If the school has a good reputation for handling bullying, and if you prewarn them about 'history' it might be a shame for your DS have to move again because of this boy.

My nephew's bully ended up at the same secondary school. My SIL spoke to the school beforehand and insisted that they were not in the same class. They ended up in the same class!

What happened the bully was no longer a big fish in a small pond, but a small fish in a big pond.

With ten form entry, they should be in half year groups. Ask that they’re out in separate halves of the year, then they shouldn’t come across one another.

My sons bully ended up at the same school he didn't last till the end of the year he tried his usual tricks with everyone and was excluded every single time primary schools cannot easily expel a child secondary schools can

Yes. You must move your son. Secondary is difficult as it is, results will largely shape their working life. Please do the logistically difficult thing and help your child to have the best chance in both enjoying and succeeding in secondary.

Speak to the head of year 7

Agree with others - contact the person in charge of transition and insist that your DS and the bully are put in separate halves of the year.

This is will also helpfully highlight the fact the child is a bully and put the school on notice. He may have gone on to bully others in primary since your DS left and those children may also have parents contacting the school.

Secondary is different to primary in that good schools try to stamp out 'big for their boots' behaviour asap and sanctions and exclusions will happen to children in Year 7 quite quickly if they don't comply.

The class bully target at my dds primary was sent to the same secondary school as his bullies and they just carried right on where they'd left off and made his life a misery. I'd never send my child to the same school as their bully. What should be an exciting time will be overshadowed by wondering if they're going to run into them and how things are going to be.

The law surrounding exclusion applies to all phases of education. The difference is that primary schools back off using their powers because the children are younger. In this case, the bully was 7. It’s immaterial he’s a large child.

Often these children realise the game is up anyway. So either speak to the school or look for vacancies elsewhere. I assume appeals are still being held. However if it was me, I’d let him go and see if he is ok with friends. You might find a bully in another school and an ineffective SLT like your former primary SLT.

How does your DS feel about this? My inclination would be to apply to a different school for him, but would he want to try the first school to see how he got on, or would he rather not be in the same school as the bully?

Look elsewhere.or he will have a god awful time.

I would choose a different school to protect your child.

Different halves of the year are totally separate at ours and don't mix at all until Y10. I would find out a bit more about the separation and ask for a guarantee that they will be in different halves if that's an option. Also you could have a conversation with them now about what measures they would take to protect your son if there were a problem in future.

Whether moving schools is proportionate depends on how much of a compromise that would be for you and your DS. But, it wouldn't be unheard of for a bully to end up on a managed move or something to a neighbouring school, and wouldn't that be ironic.

Do you know any of the older children who go there who could keep an eye on him?
Can you sign him up for self defence classes? Not necessarily to beat up the bully but to build up your sons confidence

No bus is needed to get to and from school but they would walk the same way for ten mins or so.

Some parents I know with kids who go there can’t say enough in praise of the school and others are unhappy with how they tackle bullying.

I was in this situation. My mum spoke to the school without me knowing. If I had known I would have been petrified the bully would know or blame me but looking back I am forever grateful to my mum. I was in the separate half of the year. Completely different classes until year 9 when we were put into sets for core subjects. Luckily we were of vastly different abilities so not in the same class. In year 10 we were in our GCSE option classes. We had chosen one subject the same and there was only one class so we had to be together. Fortunately I had built strong friendships in those three years plus teachers loved me and that helped the bully seemingly forget about me aka realise I wasn't such of an easy target.

Secondary school was the making of me

@RockpoolGirl so maybe talk to the school and see if they will commit to separate half of the year group and ask on what situations would the two halves be in the same class

Even with 'assurances' (which could well be hollow), surely your DS is going to be riddled with anxiety. I know I would have been and I didn't ever have to move schools because of bullying. Secondary is hard enough to start without that that added lovely bonus.

@Wishensook that’s what I’m worried about. I haven’t told him yet and if I did he wouldn’t want to go.

This happened to 2 children at my school. Fortunately, they rarely cross paths due to the bully being much less able and we stream, so they’re not in any classes together. It might be ok, but I’d be worried about your ds’ reaction when he hears.

My son would be out like a shot.

No way would I make him endure that.
Starting secondary schools is nerve wracking enough without that on his shoulders.

Years 7-9 were hell for me and moving schools was the best thing I could have done.

Don't throw him to the lions.

Or is it wolves?