Managing a team- how do you stop opinions bothering you?

[MsMiaWallace]

So I've transitioned into a middle management role from a role I did for a long time.
I naively thought my familiarity with the team would help. It does but also hinders.

As a manager how do you stop caring what they think of you?
It does hurt to think some of them really backed me & was my 'friend' when applying to the role.
Now I am management this has of course changed.
I haven't changed, I'm still me.

You grow a thick skin and find your friends elsewhere and amongst your peers. Middle management sucks for that very reason.

You'll also find yourself becoming like a part-time social worker.

Yes! I agree about becoming a social worker! That was the biggest shock for me....peoples problems

Yes it is all about behaviour management once you start managing staff.

And some of that is working out what makes them tick and managing them, each of them, differently, in a way that helps you get them to achieve what needs to be achieved.

Some of them may well leave, which means you can then recruit people to replace them, setting out expectations from the get go.

People are so negative too! You actually don't realise.
It's hard when they categorically say 'no I have no issues or concerns' at a 1-2-1 then you hear that they've been bitching etc.

I think moving upwards internally is the hardest thing to do. You definitely red to put on a ‘manager coat’ when you walk through the door - you can’t expect to interact with people in quite the same way any more.

And yes to being a social worker. It’s exhausting.

I only know of one person who managed it successfully (and I'm a gimmer). It helped that she led a particularly lovely team, and we all respected her. But on our side there was also a communal decision to not bitch - while it was OK to have a moan here and there, we all understood and sort of held each other to account on that. It's really hard OP and one of the things they don't really tell you about.

People are the worst bit about people management

You grow a thick skin, be fair, don’t be a dick basically

I'm a middle manager of a team I worked in for about a decade. There's mutual respect in the team and I've found using situational leadership really helps. We all prepare thoroughly for 1-to-1s and the people I manage make it clear what kind of leadership response they want from me.

I spend a lot of time listening to people’s health issues, child care issues, parents issues, puppy issues, holiday booking issues, divorce issues and yesterday dental issued.
No one ever asks me about my “issues” however.

^agree with this !