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How long could you be 'selfless' for in a friendship?

4 replies

PineappleStunt · 03/03/2022 22:36

Please be gentle as this relates to a situation I'm in that is very raw.

If you had a friend who was going through something devastating, like cancer treatment, you'd of course understand that for at least the length of the chemo (if not longer) you're going to need to be selfless i.e. not put any of your problems on your friend, simply be there for them, check in with them as often as possible (if they want that), try and do thoughtful things for them, drop everything and go away with them for a weekend at their request etc.

But, once treatment is done and you're half a year down the line, how long is it reasonable to accept the friendship being completely one-sided to the point you're getting literally zero back, i.e. they're not even asking "how are you?" when they see you, just talking about their own lives? Especially if you have your own ongoing debilitating health condition (one that can also sometimes result in death), mental health difficulties, family issues, deaths in the family etc that you are simultaneously dealing with.

I feel completely unreasonable even asking this question but I also am in a brain loop over it and need a bit of outside perspective.

OP posts:
RiverSkater · 03/03/2022 22:51

Even when party is struggling more than the other through unless or any other reason, a friendship should be two way.

I think this one has run its course by the sound of it. It's not meeting your needs and it's ok to withdraw.

RiverSkater · 03/03/2022 22:52

When one party and illness not unless.
🙄

bruce43mydog · 03/03/2022 22:53

i once had a friend used to ask her how she was. and just got grey rocked. by her. the friendship felt forced and one sided. i used to tell her how amazing she was and how much her support meant to me since i didnt have many friends. she was making me feel like we actually had a friendship to then turn on me suddenly on day and tell me i had done something wrong and why do i always make everything about myself. i always made this friend feel special and bought gifts to show how much her friendship meant, but it looks like some friendships are fake from the off.

op if your friend always make things about herself its probably best to put yourself first and your own morals of what you will and will not except in your life. life is to short to be with the wrong group of friends. hope you find real friends who make you happy.

PineappleStunt · 03/03/2022 23:12

Thank you - it's the conclusion I've come to as well but it's hard to accept as we used to be incredibly close

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