Perfectionism

[alwayss]

Has anyone got any good tips or advice for dealing with perfectionism?
I make myself miserable over any mistake or perceived failure. The slightest mistake at work, or thinking I've said or done the wrong thing with a friend is a constant source of stress in my life. It's not so much comparing myself to others or being competitive that causes me the issue, it's more that if I give anything less than 'perfect' in my friendships or at work, I can't help but mentally berate myself for how stupid/silly/thoughtless I've been, which will go on for days. Yet I rarely think those things of other people, so why do I do it to myself? I know to a certain extent it's normal, but I find myself obsessively worrying that I've made a mistake or done something unintentionally wrong. I feel it's really negatively impacting my life and I need to find a way to deal with or manage it.

We're just giving this thread a bump for the OP in case anyone's around with a bit of advice and support.

has anything happened in the past where you made a mistake?
i think that might have affected you a lot.
i would suggest therapy and relaxing techniques (yoga, etc). ( btw i am not an expert)
why not speak to your gp?

always I understand where you're coming from. I do this as I'm an anxious person. One thing I try to do is if I have made an actual mistake (and not me misinterpreting a situation) I will just say to myself ok that didn't go quite to plan, what can I do next time to make it better. That was the only thing I got from cbt
I overanalyse conversations I've had with people and will wonder if I've said something wrong or clumsy. I do it more when I'm feeling particularly anxious as I will start worrying about one thing and then drag absolutely everything in to my worrying!
I try to follow the advice I give to my dc which is you are thinking about it, but the other person hasn't given it a second thought.

It's anxiety. This is how your anxiety manifests itself, with intrusive thoughts.

I'm the same. I'm very anxious however the past month I haven't let things get to me.

I just keep repeating it what it is to myself, and whenever I feel negative thoughts creeping up again I literally say "shut up meg." Yes I named my negative thoughts Meg but it helps! I've been so much more proactive about things since I've started doing this. I've also listened to a lot of audio books about mental health and negative thoughts and that helped me too. Give it a try op.

Same here. I try to manage mine by trying to balance my perceived ‘wrong doings’ with tangible proof of when I’ve done things well. I have a glass jar, and (I know this sounds sad!) but when something goes well that I’ve done or I’ve got great feedback or something positive from a decision i made.. I write it on a coloured post it, sticky side up so when I fold it shut it can’t be read from outside, then I stick it in the jar. Sometimes my family will sneak ones in too, nice things that they think I’ve done for them. And if I’m feeling low and focussed on the one ‘bad’ thing that’s taken over my mind, I get a few post it’s out and read them. It helps switch my brain to focus on the good stuff I do and notice that more, rather than dwell on the minority of bad stuff.

MrsDoraDumble that is a brilliant idea. I'm going to use it!

I recommend Know Your Worth by Anna Mathur. It looks at the reasons for low self esteem, which is related to perfectionism, and how you can help yourself. It's therapy in book form, it's really good.

i can t advise - but can empathise. I m the same. The slighted thing where i don t feel 100% in control, or put my head over the parapet, i over-obsess about every little details. This is to the point of being sick.
Massive imposter syndrome kicks in and this starts a depressing spiral of anxiety.

I only get out of it once i ve made it to the other side of the task, or survive the storm. I am looking for strategies to cope better too.

Mindfulness has been life changing for me in managing anxiety and perfectionism. The Calm app in particular has really helped. I genuinely didn't realise it was possible to sometimes just 'be' rather than being anxious as the default.

Sounds like me, I have an anxiety disorder. I found therapy really helpful. Its awful feeling like you have an elevated baseline of tension and your internal monologue is awful - all the time. Exhausting.

I'm a bit of a perfectionist. When you have worked hard its really important to reward yourself and switch off. I find that helps me not get too obsessed.

op i would just try not to be to perfect. except faliures for what they are. friendships come and go and you can always find another job. you cant be perfect all the time.

@alwayss

Has anyone got any good tips or advice for dealing with perfectionism? I make myself miserable over any mistake or perceived failure. The slightest mistake at work, or thinking I've said or done the wrong thing with a friend is a constant source of stress in my life. It's not so much comparing myself to others or being competitive that causes me the issue, it's more that if I give anything less than 'perfect' in my friendships or at work, I can't help but mentally berate myself for how stupid/silly/thoughtless I've been, which will go on for days. Yet I rarely think those things of other people, so why do I do it to myself? I know to a certain extent it's normal, but I find myself obsessively worrying that I've made a mistake or done something unintentionally wrong. I feel it's really negatively impacting my life and I need to find a way to deal with or manage it.

Sometimes I overthink the issue, but try to consider it a learning experience. In the last it's hindered my perspectives and frustrations, but now it's trying to balance expectation with practicalities.

*past