Child at Nursery hurting my DD

[didihearthatright123456]

I have twin girls who are nearly 3. They’ve been going to the same nursery for 18 months and absolutely love it.

In the past couple of weeks we’ve had 3 instances of one of my DD being hit or bitten by the same child.

1st time he hit her with a toy (nursery said it was totally unprovoked) which left her with a small cut under her eye

2nd time he bit her inner thigh, left a mark but didn’t break the skin

3rd time bit her hand, again left a mark but didn’t break the skin. All 3 incidents have been marked as unprovoked.

So far I’ve been happy to let nursery deal with it, they take it seriously, have informed the parents etc. But if it does continue what do I do next? She’s still super happy to go, but I don’t want her to dread going? I know these things happen at nursery but honestly I’m not sending her there just to be targeted by a bully (my DD is absolutely tiny, is on the 9th centile and is really only the size of a 12-18 month old) so the idea of standing up for herself isn’t really realistic with a boy who is much much larger.

Anyone else been through this and can offer any advice?

If she's being targeted they should absolutely be doing everything they can to keep the children separated. I'd ask what they're actually doing to prevent any further incidents.

Have you asked nursery what they can do to help prevent this? Like keeping a better eye on this child around your DD? Don’t feel bad for being annoyed about it and asking nursery what they are doing, yes it does happen, but it’s not unavoidable, nither of my 2 were ever bitten or hit (badly enough that I had to be told anyway) at nursery. Hopefully it won’t happen again though.

Oh this happened to my DS at the same age and I remember being irrationally furious at the other child's parents!

Pop straight to the nursery/phone and make an appointment to ask what is being done to prevent any further incidents. Good luck!

Kids that age aren't bullies, OP. They lack the emotional development to even perceive how their actions affect others.

The reason this is happening is lack of supervision from staff, they know there is an issue with this child so should be providing sufficient supervision in order this boy is getting his needs met and/or being watched to ensure everyone else's safety and wellbeing. Including his.

Anything less than this from the staff is letting every child in the setting down. Not least your DD. Please don't see this as a lack of sympathy, it isn't, but you need to apportion blame to the correct place and address it with the staff.

Yes, we have. The child in question appears to have largely grown out of it now, although DS still says he doesn't like them (although I've seen them playing within the same group happily, so who knows).

I think this stuff is pretty par for the course at nursery. I share your sentiments re: not sending them somewhere to be bullied, though, but I also think you have to accept when sending them to this sort of environment that toddlers can be brutes with each other (imagine my surprise when I expressed concern that my poor little darling was being bitten only to discover that he had, in turn, kicked the biting child...). Ask nursery what their plan is to deal with it and how they will keep your child separate from the child who is biting her if this persists. I know some nurseries exclude children who persistently bite but ours didn't (and this other child broke the skin and left some enormous bruises on DS and other kids during the bitey phase). I just kept communicating with nursery about it and they were reassuring and I could see measures were being taken. DS didn't like the kid but it didn't put him off attending the setting - if it had I would have been very vocal about that.

Most nurseries are pretty good at handling parental concerns and keeping the children's best interests in mind. Have a chat with them about your worries and see if you're happy with the response would be my first suggestion.

I have been happy with their responses so far (the first incident was reported to my parents on pick up, but they came away unsure if it was deliberate or not) but it turns out it was deliberate.

Im happy to let them try to deal with it for now, but if it happens again I think I’m going to have to be a bit firmer in terms of preventing it happen. Absolutely agree that this is a part of development in some children and is probably a phase.

My dd kept coming back from nursery with random injuries. She said she didn't know how they happened. Nursery staff didn't know either. Eventually she told me how some bruises appeared in her armpit! It was 2 kids ganging up on her and poking her with a stick
I spoke to staff and they said they hadn't seen a thing and that my dd hadn't made any complaint (like OW THAT HURT!)
Basically blamed it on my dd for being quiet and quite shy.

The staff had a wake up call and we helped my dd be more vocal if someone was hurting her/doing something inappropriate to her.
Btw, this was about 25 years ago......

Are you seriously calling a 3 year old a BULLY? Whaaat an idiot you are!
They are little and don't know how to manage their feelings. I personally think it's down to the nursery staff to prevent these incidents. But have a look at yourself and the way you talk about a 3 year old who probably still uses nappies. What an idiot.

Yes, but weirdly DC didn't seem to mind and seemed to otherwise be on good terms with the children in question - would happily chat about them at home, they would seem pleased to see each other at drop-off. So I think in our case it was just that those children were going through a biting and scratching phase, they weren't bullying, they just couldn't control their urges. There was no great physical disparity as in your case. And it wasn't only my DC being bitten or scratched. The nursery seemed to take it seriously enough, promising to supervise certain children more closely.