Court order - school hols

[aceofbades]

Posting for traffic
Anyone gone to court over not been able to agree on contact and the contact order from court stated what happened during school hols? Thanks

Not personally but from reading on here it’s usually Half of each holidays……like a week each or block of 3 weeks in the summer for instance.
If this is what the NRP wants of course, they might want to stick to their set days.

Sorry I meant more like, my ex is under the impression that during term time, his contact starts with the kids on his nights when he finishes work, not when they leave school and that his maintenance pays for me putting them in after school childcare on his days. Then on school holidays, he believes that he isn’t responsible for the kids on his days, it starts again when he finishes work.
Just trying to find something official about it

Oh.
So you need specific times stated?

Yes pretty much. Each week there is conflict around times etc

When we went to court he got
EOW from school pick up on Friday to 4pm Sunday
Half of all school holidays

• first h/t 2 days, next 3, next 2 etc etc

-Easter/Christmas 1 week Summer - total split of days. (Ie, this year it's 19 days each, last year was 20)

Maintenance is not specified what it covers, as in it goes towards the cost of living for the child. He can't tell you what to spend it on at all.
My ex tries this constantly and I just ignore him now. (Incidentally mine is taking me to court to reduce his maintenance cos he thinks HMRC, the CMA and secretary of states office are wrong about how much he earns ... 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Ex has tried many things like saying he simply can't have them cos if work etc, I've said then pay for clubs, it's your time. Unless you want to forfeit it? Then I'll have extra days with them but I don't "owe you time" which is his next thing. He brings them home early and then says I owe him 2 hours whenever he wants them. Fuck off.

It's a long insane road.
Ensure the court order stipulates the tiniest details.

I had mine stipulate that during his holiday periods he has to be off work with them and not leave them with friends or family (like I do) because they don't know his friends/family (they mine very well).
He can use school clubs but at his cost.

Reread your post...
So during holidays he expects you to organise their care during his working hours and pick them up for the evening?
If he has them for 2 days in half term he expects you to pay for their school club so he can work and still have them after?

Have I read that right?

So at the moment he has them EOW, 1 overnight a week and 1 overnight per fortnight. He expects me to either have them or pay for childcare on school days until he finishes work at 5pm.
In all school holidays, he has them 1 day per week, as I work P/T and I receive benefits/child maintenance, I am expected to cover the other 4 days per week of every school holiday. He is a high warmer, high amount of annual leave too and really begrudges paying me maintenance.

Would I be able to apply for a court order myself?

Absolutely!

Contact a solicitor and find out how you go about it.
Use organisations like Home-Start or similar to gain advice/support etc.
they were helpful to me when I was going through it.

The entire point of a court order is to make the situation more fluid and conflict free for the children, when the parents can't reach an amicable agreement. They will likely go with whatever you've already agreed to but will stream line the agreement and make it iron clad so if he breaks it, he is breaking his agreement with the court which incurs legal ramifications.
If anything he may get more holiday time as the court will view that time spent with the father is better for the children to build a decent relationship with him.

I can't see any court in the land saying on his days you provide child care til he's free. That's absurd. He has as much responsibility as you do. That's the key aspect here.

Neither of you have rights to the children. The children have a right of access to their parents.
So many people see the children as a product they own and have a right to but it is more the other way around. The wording is key. They have a right to a father and he has a responsibility to be one.

If he is granted time to parent his children then that's his time of responsibility.
Furthermore, more time (over nights) will reduce his maintenance.

He sounds like a treat tbh.
This stuff makes me so mad as it's the children who learn of this stuff in time and what they learn is "daddy doesn't value us enough to pay out the £15 for after school club"

What a sad internal story to hear.

Thank you @Beachtrip feel like I’m losing the plot at the moment!
When we first split, I would collect the kids on his night and he would get them from me, when it became hostile I paid for the childminder to have them longer & I paid the childminder to have them on his days in school holidays (he would give me a date a few weeks before the school hols of when he was available to have them for one day that school holiday).
I have no issue continuing as we are, however the childminder is off at the moment and another is looking after them but with an earlier pick up, he refused to get them and stated “your responsibility, I pay you maintenance for childcare”

I’m at my wits end with it. I just want a solid plan that isn’t deviated from. Another example was in school hols, as he was off he informed me “I’m having them Wednesday too” didn’t ask me, didn’t care if I had plans etc

I think sadly you will need to seek legal advice and a court order may be the best option.

Something to keep in mind though is that you can’t force him to take them.

As a power trip my ex took me to court for EOW, Wednesday evenings and half the holidays. Specified times.

In reality all that meant was that at those times I had to have the girls ready for him to collect, but he rarely turned up. Took me two years to get the order changed.

It’s a pain in the arse and a massive glitch in the system

I agree even a court order can't make him adhere to it.
However, once an order is in place, he will have been told what to do by the court. If he then refuses you have recourse to inform the court and they sanction him.
He can't deviate at will.

My order states that we must agree the full year's contact dates by the end of Jan every year. Once that's done he can't just randomly tell you he's changing it. I mean he can but you don't have to agree.
If my ex arrived to collect the kids on a non agreed date I would simply call the police and he knows that.

It gets a tiny bit easier. For example this year my ex choose not to engage with the negotiations in January. Just flatly didn't bother replying to me at all. So I've taken his silence as tacit agreement and if he creates a fuss saying he didn't agree I'll simply say... take it up with court. Explain why you refused to negotiate. I've sent him his times and if they don't suit him, cry me a river.
Grey rock approach is your friend here.

Regarding the paying for a childMinder, once he gets into court and states that he expects you to pay for that they will laugh him outside.
How old are your children?

My eldest is 10 and loathes her dad for all the above reasons, ie: he has a school residential trip coming up. He says his maintenance covers it and has refused to pay towards it. DS feels that's unfair because the maintenance prior to the trip was there to pay for cost of living and how can his dad expect me to spend it twice. I comforted DS by saying I don't mind covering it. But DS is furious at his fathers use of the maintenance as a means of control.
(DS knows about this cos his dad told him. During one of his rants about what a shit mum I am and how I'm only after his money)

In the end, it's a long road full of pain for you and the children, but these men think that no one is smart enough to see through them. My 10 year old does.

Court ordered hand overs in a public place where there is CCTV after he threw things at me one day when dropping the kids back.

Contact book so we don't speak to each other at handovers.

Separate mobile phone number I have for when the kids are with him, so he doesn't use my personal phone to send me nasty messages, I still get them on that other phone but it's only on when the kids are with him.

Separate email address for contact that I check once a week.

First step is legal advice, you get the advice and think on it. It's not a promise to take action. Just find out the facts so you can make an educated decision.

Definitely get a court order, he sounds a real pain. Make sure you are very clear about what you want before speaking to a solicitor as that will help reduce your costs and they might be able to tell you how to tweak it to your benefit.

Tell your ex that his maintenance is NOT for childcare but for food and a roof over their head. Repeat, repeat, repeat. It might sink in eventually that he is half responsible for them not starving to death. Good luck.