Am I mad to quit my job?

[MistyQuigley]

I think I want to quit my job, I don't know what exactly I want to do next but I'd quite like to take 6 months/a year to stay home with my children, they are 2&3, the eldest goes to school in September and I would really love to make the most of her last few months of being a pre schooler.

My second mat leave was pretty much all in lockdown, then I went back to work into a new department WFH, we are hybrid working now but the last year has been really stressful and I'm fed up of always rushing around to drop kids off at childcare instead of actually enjoying our time together. I work 4 days, slightly shorter hours but it's not really a part time job. I've worked at this company for over 10 years in a few different departments and I'm worried about leaving and not being able to find anything as flexible, and having to prove myself in a new company etc etc. It's usually quite a nice place to work but we are under a lot of pressure at the moment to hit our year end targets and people have started handing in their notices and going elsewhere, which makes it even more full on for those of us who are still there. All of this is adding to the nagging feeling I already had about wanting to leave. I'm not particularly well paid for the industry I'm in, so could get another job somewhere else on higher pay but the flexibility and work life balance has always made it worth staying, but I don't really feel like I have that at the moment.

I think I'm worried if I left this job I might never work again. I've never wanted to be a SAHM long term and I still don't think I do, but I don't feel like this is right for me now. I know I'm lucky for this to be an option, my husband is the breadwinner by a long way and we don't need my income to maintain our lifestyle but I do like earning my own money.

Sorry this is so long! Would you quit if you were in my position?

Yes I would.
But then I knew when I had kids I'd be a sahm until they went to school. I did with my eldest then have a 13 year gap then a sahm again.
We could do with the extra cash but my mum guilt would take over. That's just me and my choice. I'd sooner have less and have the memories but at times it is hard.
I will return to work in 2024.

Yeah if you can afford to and your husband is on board then why not? Go for it

Why not apply for parental leave, it's unpaid, you get 18 weeks per child and your job rights are protected. See how you get on they decide if you want to continue to stay at home or return to work.

You could always ask for a year of unpaid leave. They might not go for it but if you’re thinking of leaving anyway nothing to lose?

I loved being a SAHM for years but it has shafted my career so I would have an eye to that.

I took a career break of a year at about that stage with two kids, second was starting school nursery and it was too complicated. Went back to same job, if you don't ask you don't get!

I was a bit different as I took redundancy but basically also had the same financial security and didn’t have to work

It was absolutely brilliant. I think that the baby stage is quite nice but they’re basically a little cute lump who doesn’t do much.

Spending 6 months with toddler DD (although I kept her nursery place 1.5 days a week) was a total joy, so much more fun than the baby stage and we got to do so much that I missed out on mat leave cos of covid

Do it do it do it

@user1471483687

Why not apply for parental leave, it's unpaid, you get 18 weeks per child and your job rights are protected. See how you get on they decide if you want to continue to stay at home or return to work.

Brill idea! You may find that sahm is not so good in real life! ;))

You can't take all your 18 weeks' parental leave in one block, it's a maximum of 4 weeks per year per child. So you could take up to 8 weeks in total this year.

OP I'd see if your company would agree to a sabbatical/career break/whatever they call it. Then if you like the arrangement and it's working for you all, just resign. If not then you have got something to go back to.

I'd also suggest that you and dh are very clear about the purpose of the break, and how the balance of your life would be affected, including your long term financial positions.

e.g. you could take a year off with very clear goals for you to do x, y, z with your dc - engage in their lives, establish potty training, do your own version of nature / forest school, become part of the local community (whether that is local mums' groups or something on a voluntary basis). You could also learn a new skill or do some on-line courses to ramp up your employability in the sector at a higher salary (thereby being able to request the flexibility you'd like).

But BEWARE! Without a clear plan, and an agreement, and a supportive dh who values equality, you could find yourself taking on the majority of the domestic responsibility - shopping, cooking, housework, planning, organising. That is such a difficult step to reverse. Once dh has got used to not having to take responsibility for much it is incredibly difficult to shift the balance back - especially if your (albeit improved salary) is still muc less than his.

And what about your NI contributions, what about your pension? Will dh be paying into that? It's easy to say 'oh well it's only 6 months, why bother'. But what if it's longer? Where is your protection as his salary increases and your earning potential diminishes.

Go into this with your eyes wide open.

Thank you for all the responses, I'm really encouraged to hear some positives!

@venusandmars a lot of this is what I worry about! DH does pull his weight house wise but I really really don't want to turn into basically his maid and him to get used to having everything done for him - but I obviously would do more of the domestic stuff as I wouldn't take the kids out of pre school so I'd have some time without them. And I'm already slightly bitter about how my earnings have stagnated while his have sky rocketed thanks to me taking two mat leaves so I know this would only make that worse! He does pay into my pension though, and in terms of NI I thought you could claim child benefit (and put it in an account to pay back) so as not to lose NI payment credits.

I think this would benefit the children, and I really want to be able to do the school drop offs and pick ups while my daughter gets settled at school. There are also some courses I want to take to help with my career. I guess it can't hurt to ask my current employer about an unpaid break, I feel like I'm ready to get out of there for good but it's a good idea to keep my options open.

@Pyri

I was a bit different as I took redundancy but basically also had the same financial security and didn’t have to work

It was absolutely brilliant. I think that the baby stage is quite nice but they’re basically a little cute lump who doesn’t do much.

Spending 6 months with toddler DD (although I kept her nursery place 1.5 days a week) was a total joy, so much more fun than the baby stage and we got to do so much that I missed out on mat leave cos of covid

Do it do it do it

Thank you - this is how I'm hoping I would feel! I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it 🙂

I would 100% do it, if I could turn back time I would do it.

I really regret working throughout those early years, now DS is 11 and I've found myself home with him (due to ill health) I realise just how much I've missed.