The nursery's visiting rules

[HettieBee]

My daughter is nearly two a half and will be going to nursery for a visit for the first time next week. The visit is up to 1 hour but they will call if she doesn't settle in the first 30 minutes. She's never been to a nursery or a child minder before. However, the nursery said that, due to their own corona virus policies, they're only doing handovers at the door, meaning I can't enter the setting with her and get the her settled in for the first ten minutes to fifteen minutes.

I respect their policy, but I'm worried about my daughter's wellbeing. Not only is she going to a place she's never been to before but she has to be handed over to a complete stranger while I walk away. I plan to explain to her very clearly that she's going to play with some new toys and make new friends and that I'm coming straight back, but the thought of handing her over is making me feel sick.

As someone who has worked in an EYFS setting before, I remember doing staggered visits whereby the parent comes into the setting, a key worker plays with the child while their parent is in sight, and then their parent leaves for a short period of time.

But perhaps things have changed. Perhaps staggered visitation causes more anxiety as it prolongs the inevitable. I think knowing that the policy is born out of the pandemic and not child-centred makes me worry that there isn't anything about this that is better for the child.

If someone can explain to me how a first time handover at the nursery door is in my daughter's interest then I would be very grateful to have the reassurance as I know the nursery are not going to change this policy anytime soon.

TL;DR My child is going to nursery for the first time and I have to pass her over at reception.

I deliberately chose a nursery for DD1 that would allow me into the building to settle her in a different room to the rest of the children, but she's much younger than yours. I don't think it's in your child's best interests, but it's to protect the other children and staff from Covid. You might be able to make a fuss, but I'm not sure it's worth getting off to a bad start with them on a policy designed to keep the children safe. It's only a short visit for your DD and even if she's upset, she won't remember it. I know it's stressful letting go of them for the first time but it's way harder for you than her- she'll be taken care of and then you'll come back and have a lovely cuddle

My eldest went to daycare in the US and even pre pandemic they said no parents at settling sessions, apparently having a strange adult hanging around was too disruptive for the other kids and didn’t actually help to settle the new one anyway. DD was really happy there and we had no issues. She’s also done things like ski resort daycare and petit club med where you just drop and go without issue. DS started a British nursery in September and I was supposed to stay for 2 sessions wearing a mask but during the first I only felt like I was in the way so declined to stay for the second as I didn’t see the point. I think it’s child dependent though, I know not every child might settle as easily.

It's in the best interests of the nursery as a whole, the staff and the children.

Remember that the government scrapping all restrictions has been done for political reasons, not for what is best for individuals.

Gently, I'd say the parents staying to settle is for the parents not the child. In COVID there's no choice, so the best you can do is to decide that you will be bright and breezy for your daughter and drop her off with a smile. Crying on the walk home is 100% allowed though. I imagine you've spent a lot of time with her, raising a 2yo in a pandemic so it's not surprising it's hard

I'd be looking for another nursery.

At the minimum I would want a visit with my child, a session where I left them for an hour, then another session where I left them for half a day.

My DC started nursery last year and when the rules were that you couldn't even enter the building when visiting for the first time! We were only allowed in the outside spaces. We really needed a place and the nursery had very good reviews and I did have a good vibe from the staff I met so went for it. I'm pleased I did and they are fab. Another nursery I did visit inside, as they were relaxed about the rules, I found the place soulless and the staff disinterested. His settle sessions I did drop off at the door and I found it was actually easier to do it this way. If I had stayed it would have prolonged me leaving and I knew DC would have been super clingy and wouldn't want to watch me leave. This way it was a quick bye! At the door and off he went. He was great at the settle sessions and loves nursery now. It just is what it is and the nurseries have to abide by the rules.

YANBU. My second started nursery last summer and DH was allowed in for her first session, as long as he wore a mask. It's our second DC in that nursery so we knew the staff and would have been ok with a handover at the door, but we were very glad that that isn't what happened.

I will say though that I'm sure it will be fine, and if you're otherwise happy with the nursery then I would suck it up. But I do understand your reticence.