Worried about friends level of anxiety about the current conflict

[youhadmeatjello]

I’ll be honest, I’m extremely anxious myself. I have been diagnosed this year with generalised anxiety disorder and after years of health anxiety it seems to specifically around DS, who is two. So I’m finding this very hard to navigate.
My friend has previously had depression and is saying some very worrying things. She’s convinced we are minutes away from being nuked and is panicking about her toddler surviving if she doesn’t. I’m finding it hard to reassure her as I’m anxious myself and she’s making me feel worse, but I’m also worried about her being in such a dark place.
She mentioned casually about a woman in the 80s who killed herself and her children because she thought they were all going to be nuked. I’m not saying I think she will do anything like that but I also feel like she’s even more worried than she’s actually saying.
Do I tell her to call the Samaritans? Call her mum and see if she can go round (I can’t)
I’ve asked her if she’s ok and if she needs anyone to go round and she says she’s okay just worried but I’m worried about her.

I’ve told her to stop looking at the daily mail for a start as she seems to be refreshing that constantly and it’s such a scare mongering paper at the best of times.

Is she a mumsnet user? If she is, no wonder she has worked herself up into a state seeing some posts on threads on here about it .

I know you have already expressed your concerns to her, but express them again and spell out how concerned you are about her and her feelings about what's going on. The samaritans might be a useful recommendation, but I wouldn't involve her mum at this stage.

Yes she is, she’s been on here and daily mail constantly all day. We were both supposed to be going to get our nails done together this week but she’s saying no point now, probably won’t be here to get them done.
I’m struggling as I’m finding this all very hard with my anxiety as it is, but I’m trying to stay informed without panicking.
I might ask if she wants to come and stay here tomorrow with her DS and watch some silly things on tv to try and distract us both.

**We were both supposed to be going to get our nails done together this week but she’s saying no point now, probably won’t be here to get them done.

That is extremely worrying! As you say, it doesn't help with any anxieties you have yourself about it. I myself am feeling seriously unnerved by it all, and don't like reading about potential horrific possibilities, however in all likelihood the worst case scenario will not happen.

It is only because we've never really had any perceived threat like this before so everyone is panicking and there's a lot if sensationalism going on about it too.

That's a good idea about asking her over, distractions are definitely a good thing.

That first paragraph was meant to be bold to show me quoting you, but I'm clueless on mumsnet lol

I'm your friend, or very much like her, although my kids are upper primary and teens. I felt like this at the start of covid too.
I find the way to deal with it is two things :

1. Be organised - so ensure that a will is in place, reaffirm guardianship commitments for her child or make them if nothing is in place. Gather important documents together. I basically wanted to make it as easy as possible for someone to help me and my children if the worst happens.
2. Accept what I could control and what I cannot. (But I am quite controlling). I could mitigate risk with covid by ensuring good hygiene, following the rules, and looking after myself as best I could so that it reduced my potential need for services (so scrupulous teeth cleaning for example to prevent need for fillings, meditation to keep my blood pressure due to stress down).

She may also find it helpful to talk to lots of people. This will give her perspective and support so advise her to be open, reach out and strengthen her friendships.
I also realised that my horrendous worrying was spoiling some really lovely days. I just thought "do I want the rest of my life to be about love and enjoyment or relentless worry?".

Having said all of that, I admit that I'm not there myself yet. I still worry, I don't always take the best care of myself, my blood pressure is still high due to the anxiety. But I do know that keeping myself occupied with positive steps helped (rather than say, trying to pretend I don't care and taking up card games or something IYSWIM).

I have same sick feeling as I did in March 2020 at beginning of lockdown and pandemic, but I feel with this I'm more worried , the pandemic the whole world was against it so it felt more obvious the outcome and we would get over it, this seems more scary as we have no idea the outcome or when it will happen. I do have anxiety and I also have tendency to obsess over things and world events seem to be the thing unfortunately 😕 didn't sleep well last night and woke up early! I I think with social media and news being so instant it's changed the way war is viewed and feel really imersive. Which makes the feel worse. In for example ww1 and 2 we obviously wouldn't have had instant information on what was happening and it just makes it super intense . I don't actually know how to help ur friend but I think talking is helpful.

I have been there, like your friend. I went to the GP and after a consultation I got referred for cbt and put on anxiety meds. They allowed me to think rationally, and stop the compulsive doom scrolling and catastrophising.

This thread is wonderful, I have found my people. I am anxious and keep looking at the news for reassurance, but the news just gets more alarming. I have hidden so many threads on here as they were not helping.

I try and distract myself, after a half hour of news and SM scrolling for the rest of the day. I have to live, the worst probably won't happen as it often doesn't. I walk my dog, listen to music and watch Netflix.

Planning future events is also good, I am in control of that at least.

It's normal to feel worried about world events, but look out the window and listen. We are in no immediate danger.

Also, humans love to create the illusion we are in control and that we are safe. Life is not safe, it's full of risk and this is why stuff like the Ukrainian invasion is so impactful as it shatters this illusion.

With the things your friends are saying I would ring her GP and share your concerns.