How do I get out of this situation

[Changeee15467]

We have three young DCs. See SIL and her teenage kids relatively frequently. We’ve somehow ended up paying every time for dinner / takeaways (for context we are not by any means rich, but neither are they) and now it’s the default that we pay for everyone (inc DCs) every time. Before you tell me off I realise I’m probably at fault here for continuing to do it. I like offering to pay (initially) but with my friends they do it too and it all somehow ends up fair. Sometimes she will put up a weak resistance but it’s not really genuine. I feel so awkward but it costs a bloody fortune but we still want to see them and I can’t fathom how I would be like - erm can you pay? Even my DH is now irritated by it. For more context they do get themselves takeaways without us. I don’t think she’s a CF though. More just assumed we can afford it and don’t mind? Again fully acknowledge my own error here but I would add that I stopped actively being like “we’ll get this” sometime ago which I was hoping would cause her to offer. At least for themselves. How would you deal with this?

@Aquamarine1029

I don’t think she’s a CF though.

Of course she is! Do you think she's stupid? Tell her no more going out until she pays her fair share because you are not running a fucking charity. Stop being a mug and start being blunt.

This. As blunt as it is, get a backbone

@Hope90x

If you struggle with being blunt OP, another idea would be to phone ahead and say "because of (recent financial change prompting budgeting) I think I'm just gonna cook this weekend to save money. Are you guys ok with lasagna/oven pizza" etc.

I would imagine anyone with a shred of common decency would then say oh no, don't be ridiculous, you always pay, we'll get this one. Hopefully that will open the conversation re taking turns from now on?
Although I do have a habit of expecting from others what I would do myself 😅

I'd suggest going to hers and SHE can cook something.

If she always puts up a "weak" resistance then you can use that.

"Shall we get a takeaway?"
"Oh you really mustn't pay this time."
"Thank you, that's great, we've paid for the last couple so it is your turn..."

Of course they’re CFs, for God’s sake! You don’t see anything cheeky about sitting back letting someone else get their wallet out time after time. Has she no shame?

You need to grow a spine. The advice of PPs to say you’re suddenly on a budget is bullshit. That implies there is nothing intrinsically wrong with bankrolling them and its only your new circumstances that are temporarily stopping you from paying. Fuck that. Just stop doing it.

Honestly, some people really take CFery to new heights.

Stop offering. Completely.

At their house - they pay for food.
At your house- you pay for food. Get oven pizza or whatever.
At a restaurant, each family pays half.

You have to just break the habit of offering.

Who organises the meet-ups? Are you suggesting going to a restaurant not her?