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Original poster

My child is always really rude to me

46 replies

RockpoolGirl · 26/02/2022 20:55

Always has been every since he has been about 3!

I’ve struggled as a parent with being firm enough I think- I grew up in an abusive house where I was told I was a disgrace and constantly doing everything wrong and I’m terrified that by telling him off I’m being too harsh.

He goes from being dr jeryll to mr Hyde. He can be absolutely lovely and sweet and also nasty and angry. It’s like he becomes a different person.

He has been particularly narky today. Arguing with me about everything and anything, from getting in the shower to putting his shoes on. And then the last straw was him looking for his fitbit- which unbeknownst to him I’d put on charge- and accusing me of throwing it away. Just barmy.

After a whole day or narkiness he is now banned from gaming for 5 days.

He is also big on sarcasm and eye rolling. He is 11.

Help!

OP posts:

bruce43mydog · 27/02/2022 08:52

Forcing you children into compliance when young.

Will result in control issues as a adult.

You let your child be called a twat cunt bitch and bastard when young they learn its OK to use these words.

You force feed your child cause they don't eat they learn there boundaries don't matter.

You hit your child they learn to fear you.

You favour the older child. They learn they don't matter.

You pretend to the world your perfect then behind closed doors violence and abuse are inflicted.

You tell your child they are a liar. They learn to lie.

I could go on and on

LightfoldEngines · 27/02/2022 08:53

@bruce43mydog the fact that you think that’s reasonable behaviour is fucking shocking, are you 12?!

I can piss my teenager off just by my mere existence, by asking her to get out of bed before midday at weekends, by asking her to do the ONE chore that’s hers - dishwasher loading/unloading, by telling her that shoving her siblings is unacceptable.

None of that gives her right to scream and swear at me. Fortunately for me, she’s far too lovely to EVER do that.

LightfoldEngines · 27/02/2022 08:54

@bruce43mydog

Forcing you children into compliance when young.

Will result in control issues as a adult.

You let your child be called a twat cunt bitch and bastard when young they learn its OK to use these words.

You force feed your child cause they don't eat they learn there boundaries don't matter.

You hit your child they learn to fear you.

You favour the older child. They learn they don't matter.

You pretend to the world your perfect then behind closed doors violence and abuse are inflicted.

You tell your child they are a liar. They learn to lie.

I could go on and on

How is any of that relevant to what OP has posted?! She hasn’t done any of those things for fucks sake.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

bruce43mydog · 27/02/2022 08:55

And you watch it and do noting to stop it and protect your supposed child. It was the 1980s and 1990s though so it happens hey

BigPurpleEgg · 27/02/2022 08:55

@bruce43mydog are you ok

bruce43mydog · 27/02/2022 08:57

Op seems to be invalidating her child's feeling automatically taking something off him. Without questioning his feelings and what is causing him to act out.

It makes me wonder if his home life is perfect.

bruce43mydog · 27/02/2022 09:00

My point is don't invalidate your child's feelings by taking games off him without asking him first what the problem is.

LightfoldEngines · 27/02/2022 09:01

@bruce43mydog

Op seems to be invalidating her child's feeling automatically taking something off him. Without questioning his feelings and what is causing him to act out.

It makes me wonder if his home life is perfect.

Stop projecting your own childhood onto this thread.

Mine was full of violence and other types of abuse, I don’t automatically jump to that when someone is having an issue with their teen. Not everyone is abusive.

bruce43mydog · 27/02/2022 09:02

Bigpurpleegg yes iam OK I just don't want ops child to feel his feelings don't matter.

bruce43mydog · 27/02/2022 09:06

Yes absolutley right I won't project.

Op hope you and your son sort the problem out. Reward him with a star chart. See if that works.

PiperPosey · 27/02/2022 09:07

As a former Parenting instructor:
As parents we want things done IMMEDIATELY.. JOHN CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW! We scream!!
It is better to say..." John you have until 3pm to clean your room. If you do NOT have your room cleaned by then, then you will ( WHAT can he NOT live without? What is his currency? )
And make the consequence fit the infraction.
" If your room is NOT cleaned then you can not go to the movie tonight with your friends. "
Now have him repeat it to you. Let him roll his eyes, say, " Whatever mom etc. OMG MOM! Do not leave until he repeats your instructions to you. So he won't come up with excuses. ( Didn't hear you is the biggest one)
Now you have to follow through with the consequences you have given him. PERIOD the end.

bruce43mydog · 27/02/2022 09:17

Yes gentle parenting is the way forward. Ops child needs clear boundaries of what is expected. Without drama added.

Remmy123 · 27/02/2022 09:20

Mine has just been very rude to me and he is now banned until Friday.

dogmandu · 27/02/2022 09:23

Plus they need to know how they CAN express how they feel or diffuse the anger.

this is so, so true - great comment

LightfoldEngines · 27/02/2022 09:24

@PiperPosey yep - example here - “How is your friend going to sleep over when your top bunk is full of crap? If it’s not cleared away, she can’t stay over, can she?”

UserLibra78 · 27/02/2022 09:40

@bruce43mydog

Yes absolutley right I won't project.

Op hope you and your son sort the problem out. Reward him with a star chart. See if that works.

Star chart for a teenager?

Have you got any real like experience of bringing up a teenager? Feels like you are just giving random suggestions

bruce43mydog · 27/02/2022 09:47

even teenagers like star charts. they never grow up

LightfoldEngines · 27/02/2022 09:53

@bruce43mydog

even teenagers like star charts. they never grow up

If I gave my 13YO or 11YO a star chart, they’d ask me if I was quite well? Before bursting into hysterical laughter.

PiperPosey · 27/02/2022 09:59

[quote LightfoldEngines]@PiperPosey yep - example here - “How is your friend going to sleep over when your top bunk is full of crap? If it’s not cleared away, she can’t stay over, can she?”

See also - “If you don’t bring your dirty laundry down by midday on Sunday, you won’t have any clean uniform for Monday, will you?” (After a spate of her coming down at 9pm freaking out because she hasn’t got any clean uniform, speaking to me like shit, and of course I have to stay up, wash it and stick it in the dryer).[/quote]
@LightfoldEngines Yes...
I taught mentally challanged adults ( very low IQs) how to do laundry. I never had that with issue with my own kids. They always did their own laundry ( after I taught them) so this mama never had to worry about children's laundry..their cheerleading or sports uniforms.
"Once they reach age 10, kids can start being in charge of a full cycle of laundry with supervision. They'll be mature enough to understand how the appliances work and how to use them carefully without breaking the machines or hurting themselves. Teenagers can be fully in charge of their own laundry without supervision.Jun 1, 2021" thehippo
So..." Hilda...I am telling you now. Look me in the eyes and do NOT interrupt. If You do NOT bring your uniform to me to wash by 2:00 pm you will have to wash it yourself. Do you understand? REPEAT it back to me Hilda.
or you can say, " After I teach you thoroughly how to wash your clothes you will be in charge of your own laundry. Repeat what I said, Hilda."
I always liked the giving them a choice approach also.
" Frederick...Would you like to take the garbage out or empty the dishwasher right now? ( this you can get them to do something immediately)

expatmigrant · 27/02/2022 10:05

What do you together? Walking, cycling, cinema, going for lunch...situations where you have a chance to talk to him outside of the house? Does he do sports? Do you go and watch him play. What is he like outside of the home? At school?
I formed a very close bond with my DS through doing all these things. Not saying he was perfect but it gave as a good relationship base when he did become a bit more lippy and cheeky as he got older.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 27/02/2022 11:44

@RockpoolGirl

I mean we do have boundaries, obviously, but he just seems to turn into the devil and become really rude sometimes. And there are some days where he is just huffy and difficult all day.

No he isn’t mirroring anybody.

What consequences would you guys suggest for, say, a rude comment?

Re your consequences for a rude comment - for my kids (10 and 13) they get a sharp “excuse me?” which is the opportunity to correct what they said or apologise. If they continue they get a more specific “I do not respond to rudeness. Either change your behaviour or go away and think about how to change it”. If it continues they are asked to remove themselves from my presence and consider their attitude.

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