Please can someone talk some sense into me

[Workin8til6]

DH has gone out with uni friends for a curry and beer. They all live all over the country now so have congregated in a friends town which is about an hour away. He’s staying overnight at friends so he can have a drink. He only meets up with these friends about 4 times a year and rarely goes to the pub etc so I wanted him to be able to go, I didn’t want him to stay. I’m not annoyed with him at all he asked me a few weeks ago if I minded having the DCs by myself and I said it was fine.

However I have only had the two DCs overnight by myself twice before and both times I have been really anxious and I can feel myself getting worried again. I don’t really know what I’m worried about and logically I know that thousands of single parents and people whose partners work away have their DC overnight by themselves all the time. I used to be ok when it was just the older one but now I’ve got the baby too it just worries me. I’m an anxious mess. Kids aged are 3 and 9 months.

Can someone talk some sense into me please?! Or give me some tips on how to be less anxious. I have baby monitors in both rooms but we don’t currently have a stair gate at the top of the stairs as it broke and the 3 year old is generally quite good at getting herself downstairs. But one of the things I’m worried about is that she’ll wake up and want to find me in the night and I won’t hear her and she’ll try to go downstairs thinking I’m down there and she’ll fall. I think that’s what I worry about really, that something will happen to them and I won’t protect them properly. Sorry now I’m rambling. Please help!

I totally understand how you feel. I have felt the same myself.
Is there anyone you can phone for a chat just to take your mind off things?
I know it's hard, but try to relax.
Maybe watch a film or read?
Could the 3 year old sleep in your bed just for one night? That way you will know she is safe and with you.

Have you got something you can hang on her door handle that would make a sound if she opened the door?

Thank you @Rollonspring1111
I don’t really have anyone I can phone. My mum doesn’t live far away but I already saw her today and I don’t really know what I’d say to her. I don’t want her to think I can’t manage the DC by myself. Also I know that she’ll offer to come over which is nice but it will mean she will walk over here in the dark (doesn’t drive and I can’t go fetch her because the kids are asleep) so that would worry me too. Most of my friends don’t have kids and will be out doing exciting things!
I’ve put Kirstie and Phil on the tv, it’s comforting, and I’ve eaten half an Easter egg 😂 I’m not too bad in the evenings but it’s the night that I get really anxious.
I generally bring the baby in with me once I go up to bed mainly because she wakes up about 10 times a night so it’s just easy to cosleep. I don’t know if I could fit the 3 year old in as well, and I feel bad waking her to bring her in, but I think it would make me worry less overall. I might do that when I go up to bed.

@bloodywhitecat that’s a good idea, I think I have a bell from a musical instrument set 😂

I was just going to suggest can you sleep in the same room as your 3 yr old? Or in her room.
They to get some sleep tonight even if you go to bed early as you will probably ly be on high alert for listening. I find I do this on my own although the majority if the time when dh is here it is me that hears and gets up with the school so it's not actually any different

I'd put dd3's mattress on my bedroom floor and have her in with baby and I.

I’ve felt this for the entirety of my career as a parent; the dread of something going wrong when I’m looking after them on my own and not being able to handle it, or the kids all kicking off at the same time etc etc, but it’s always fine in the end. Trust your own capabilities, and generally if you explain that the other parent won’t be there I’ve found my kids, at least, are often much better behaved.

Hopefully that makes some sense!!
It's me who normally hears and gets up with the dc even when dh is home but I always feel I'm on high alert if hes not

@Needcoffeecoffeecoffee yes I understand what you mean! It’s the other way round for us unfortunately, when DC2 was born and I was breastfeeding her through the night we started a routine of DH going into settle toddler if she woke during the night and we have continued it ever since. So I now always wake up when the baby cries (and DH doesn’t) but DH always wakes when the toddler wakes (partly because she shouts DADDEEEEEE! DADDEEEEE! 😂) whereas I don’t always wake up. I’d say it’s 50/50. Hence why I worry whether I’d wake up. Also if I have the baby in with me then I bring her white noise machine in too so then I worry that the white noise will muffle the sound of DC1 and I won’t hear her.
The more I think about it the more I think I should bring them both in with me. But older one is such a fidget and tosses and turns all night, I don’t know if I’d get much sleep and I worry she’d wake the baby. I can’t bring her mattress in now as she’s already asleep on it in her bed!

I find I relax more by having an early night with the kids in my bed. Rather than constantly thinking they've woke when I'm downstairs. I was never anxious -only since being a parent! Hope it goes ok x

I didn’t get an early night unfortunately 🙈 but made a little floor bed for my 3 year old and she just woke up so I brought her in and settled her on the floor. Then I went and got the baby and brought her in next to me and I already feel lots better! Maybe we’re just designed to feel a bit anxious when we are alone but sleeping apart from our children?!

Sounds like the best plan Hope you had a good night @Workin8til6 and have some nice plans today.