I'm new here and just after some advice. I'll keep it as short as possible.
Me and my Husband have 4 kiddos but only 3 still at home (oldest moved in with bf) been together 18yrs, married for 10, we live in a council house, I have a secure tenancy that I have solely held for nearly 18yrs but we hate where we're currently living, been trying for 2yrs to get out of the area with no luck.
MIL split with bf of 10yrs last Yr then came up with a 5yr plan. She sells her house (me and Hus spent last 5yrs doing house up for her, whole new fitted kitchen, flooring, tiled walls, decorating etc) and with the equity we've earned from doing up the house we'll clear our outstanding bills so we start fresh and she buys a bigger house, we all move in, pay a quarter towards the bills and do up the new house for her over 5yrs and then she'll sell and give us some money to get a mortgage of our own from the equity of the new house. All sounds great as its a lovely thing for her to do and an opportunity to save to buy our own house in 5yrs time.
Since making these agreements, things have changed a bit, she's buying a dorma bungalow that she absolutely loves (I didn't get to agree as wasn't part of the conversation between her and my husband but her choice it's her house that's fair) I wouldn't have paid what she's paying for it as its a house that needs a heck of a lot doing to it but again her money, her choice I'll respect that BUT now the arrangements have changed, we're not gaining any equity from the current house sale until after the 5yrs when the bungalow sells as its being put into the costs of doing up the bungalow (again I didn't agree to this as it's another conversation that happened between H and MIL without me there) and now we also have to pay Half of the bills instead of a quarter (which may probably be more fair but wasn't what was agreed at the time) but after financial calculations we'd be worse off financially (without the promised equity from the current house sale) by moving in than if we stayed where we are....
Then there's also everything else that comes into it, I'm partially deaf (so is H) so in my house I sit on the left side of the sofa so that everyone else in the room is on my right-hand side because of my hearing and balance (always have done even from being in primary school as it helps me) But I'll no longer be able to do that as MIL also loves to sit on left-hand side of the sofa and quite rightly it's her sofa in her house so she has right to sit where she wants but it's something I have to think about dealing with for the next 5yrs....
I've been used to having my own space, my own freedom in the comfort of my own home for nearly 18yrs so this is massive for me. Also, I have never been in a position where I have to rely on someone else for where I live and no one can just take away the security of my home but if I move out of my current house I'll lose my tenancy and have to worry about not falling out as to not put myself in a position where I might be kicked out. Both H and MIL have said she'll never kick me out and maybe she wouldn't BUT they could tell me that until they're blue in the face and I don't think it'll make a difference to the way I feel that it could be a possibility. My reason for this is we fell out years ago (over her giving my poorly son of 8months old chocolate fingers which gave him the shits after I'd said he's poorly and please don't give him chocolate he's not old enough) when she temporarily moved into our old house until current house sale came through for her and this resulted in me being dropped like a sack of potatoes and the atmosphere was horrendous for months after, even though I apologised and although everyone has let bygones be bygones over the years, things have never truly been the same, as much as people like to say everything is fine and I need to move on, I feel it hasn't been the same. We have a good relationship. We've helped her out loads over the years and likewise she's helped us loads but I find if I have an opinion about anything then I need to keep it to myself otherwise I'm either in the wrong or apparently I'm being rude.
My parents both died when I was younger, my sister is ill, my older brother is also ill and My closer brother died nearly 2yrs ago and the rest of my family live miles away so I have no one here and although I talk to my family and we're close, none of them think I should risk my security for this 5yr plan because things have changed already from what was promised to begin with but H feels I should just trust it and do it anyway and take MIL word for it as its his mum and her word should be good enough.
Am I being unreasonable and worrying about nothing and should just go into this 5yr plan or is it right that I have concerns?
Any advice would be extremely appreciated as I'm thinking about it all the time and losing sleep and sometimes feel like I'm losing my sanity over it all! Thanks.