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Original poster

Walking to evening activities alone- age

56 replies

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 25/02/2022 20:37

DD (10yo, year 6) has an evening activity that starts at 6pm. It is now light at that time here.
It is 3 minutes through a residential estate (no pavements, but no cars). Then just under 10mins along the road to the next village... streetlights but just fields either side of road. Quite busy route, no roads to cross.

She currently meets with a friend from the estate and I follow about 20m behind. She wants to do it with just her friend next week.

I need to let her do it... but she just seems so little Blush. She walks to school alone...
She has a phone but no money on it currently as she hasn't needed it.

OP posts:
Kite22 · 25/02/2022 21:59

Perfectly fine and normal for a Yr 6 to walk home from school - familiar route, with lots of other parents and children around.

I think what we are unable to comment on, is the route.
We don't know how lonely it is, how safe / dangerous it is.
Nor can we know how sensible or impulsive your dd and friend are, nor how used they are to walking about on their own in the day.

BuddhaForMary · 25/02/2022 22:00

Parenting toddlers seems a breeze compared to Pre teens learning independence.

Amen to that!

I'd also be concerned about the area you've outlined in your post. My youngest DD just turned 11 and has started to make short trips to the local shop and to her friends house about 3 streets away, but I wouldn't be happy about somewhere with fields either side tbh.

whysoserious123 · 25/02/2022 22:08

No

Next year when she is in year 7 you will have a harder time with being able to stop her without a tantrum but while she is in primary school surely it shouldn't be up for debate. Good luck next year with the whole 'but I'm in high school' argument

Boosterquery · 25/02/2022 22:32

It's the fact that it's fields rather than houses on either side that would make me uneasy.

AutumnLeavesEverywhere · 25/02/2022 22:36

I'd probably let her walk with her friend, but also I think I recognise where you're talking about - you're not up north in a village beginning with A are you?

augustusglupe · 25/02/2022 22:54

Absolutely not. The fields either side, quarry?! And it’s barely light at 6pm.
The fact that you’re not really happy with it should be enough, listen to your gut.

Spellfish · 26/02/2022 07:26

@whysoserious123

No

Next year when she is in year 7 you will have a harder time with being able to stop her without a tantrum but while she is in primary school surely it shouldn't be up for debate. Good luck next year with the whole 'but I'm in high school' argument

Without meaning to be snarky, why would you want to prevent your secondary age child from walking to a local activity? It’s the first step to independence, and anyway many secondary age DC take themselves to school by walking or public transport.

I get that some areas are less safe than others, but if you’re expecting your DC to move out and travel anywhere independently at 18, then when would you start allowing them to do short, local journeys?

whysoserious123 · 26/02/2022 07:38

@Spellfish

Primary school = NO
High school = YES

Svara · 26/02/2022 07:42

Yes, DS walked to Scouts from 10. I'd put money on the phone and have her text when she gets there if you are worried.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/02/2022 08:22

[quote whysoserious123]@Spellfish

Primary school = NO
High school = YES[/quote]
Our secondary is 3km away. All the kids from year 7 walk it, they meet in little groups at various places. I assume in most places secondaries are a good few km away for many.

So, it's very difficult to go from nothing at all, to an hour walk, from one day to the next.

That's why ten minute walks like this are a good idea to build it up.

Svara · 26/02/2022 08:30

I agree with starting with things like this in year 5 and 6 ready for secondary. It's a big leap to go from nothing to getting themselves to and from school, and in many cases letting themselves in and being home alone for two hours after school. Then in the UK many children are moving from single or two form entry primary schools to much bigger secondaries. I don't see why some parents want to hold off and change everything at the same time rather than a gradual transition to independence.

extractorfactor · 26/02/2022 09:19

I think it's more nuanced than 'yes' or 'no'.
You don't say if there is a pavement linking the estate to the village?
You don't mention the maturity of your DD. Eg would she panic if her friend couldn't make the club one evening for some reason? Would she feel confident to walk on her own? Would she know what to do if something untoward happened or would she struggle to keep calm? I have one dc who really keeps their head in a crisis and is very sensible I have another who would go into a blind panic and forget how to unlock their phone....actually they'd probably forget they had a phone!
One of my dc is in year 7 the other in yr 6, and whilst I have no issue with them walking on their own into our local town (traffic free, lit footpath all the way, know lots of the families whose houses back on to the footpath) I won't let them walk from the bus stop to home on their own (major main road, no pavement, people drive like fuckwits as if they are driving a formula 1 cars, as it's national speed limit, so they think it's a green light to go as fast as they possibly can on the straight bits).
I think though if you are asking on here then you are not confident it's safe for your DD to do at this time, and therefore you carry on as you are, and review the situation in the summer term Smile.

extractorfactor · 26/02/2022 09:22

Sorry missed the update when you said your DD was very sensible! If there is a pavement then I'd be inclined to let her walk in the summer term, it's only a few weeks away and I think you said she'll be doing it in September anyway!

RedskyThisNight · 26/02/2022 10:49

[quote whysoserious123]@Spellfish

Primary school = NO
High school = YES[/quote]
So starting high school makes a child miraculously more sensible and grown up?

or actually it might make sense to build up your child's independence during primary school before suddenly giving them lots all in one go.

Coursepregnancy1 · 26/02/2022 11:04

As she is with a friend and is sensible I’d be fine with it, perhaps not alone on an isolated road. What do the friends parents think?

MaizeAmaze · 26/02/2022 11:12

When you say 10 mins along the road, are you meaning no pavement there either? That would be the deal breaker for me.

Justkeeppedaling · 26/02/2022 11:20

I think it's fine too. As PPs have said - most kids just a few months older walk to school alone.

I had a real struggle with the DCs primary school about letting them walk to and from school alone. About a 10 min walk through a residential estate. They wouldn't let them leave school property when they found out, and called me at work - when they noticed on about the 3rd day! (I wasn't aware of the rule).
A friend then offered to "keep an eye on" my DCs as she was walking the same way with her own kids - we fell out over that for a while because I declined her offer (she did it anyway 😡).
I felt it was up to me to assess the risk and to decide if my kids were up to the job.

So after that rant - what I mean is that you know your child OP, and you know the route, so make your own mind up.

Original poster
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 26/02/2022 11:23

To clarify... there is a pavement separated from the road by a grass verge. It is used by loads of kids from that village to get to the Secondary school daily.

Friend already does it alone. Shes one of the oldest in the school year, DD one of the youngest (and smallest at a mere 4ft11). My DD has asked to do it with her friend.

My misgivings relate more to my own anxiety about such things than any real perceived danger and I work hard to separate my irrational thoughts from reality. If it was school I'd be fine with her doing the identical walk.

OP posts:
Svara · 26/02/2022 12:28

The only difference between going to school and Scouts would be if it was very quiet at 6pm (obviously with school there are many more children going the same way) though I wouldn't expect it would be.

Amazed she is the smallest at 4ft 11. DS was 5ft on his 13th birthday.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/02/2022 12:42

Off the point, but wow, that is a tall class!! My 11yo dd is still in a booster seat at 132cm. She is the smallest in the class but most of them are under 5 foot.

But I agree with you, their height does make a difference. Mine is very sensible, but looking about potentially 7/8 years old does make her more vulnerable.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/02/2022 12:43

I know they're under 5 foot as I am that, and most of them are smaller than me.

DelilahBucket · 26/02/2022 12:56

The ten minute walk not within a residential area would concern me. A car could easily pull over and none of the other car drivers would bat an eyelid.

RedskyThisNight · 26/02/2022 12:56

I'd think looking younger might work to her advantage. The most likely danger is people trying to take a phone off her, and if they think she is 7/8 they are likely to think she doesn't have one. Also other passersby will tend to be more protective (this certainly works for my same height DD who is actually 16, but still gets mistaken as a Year 7).

*I'm assuming you'll tell her that she should not walk along looking at her phone.

Svara · 26/02/2022 13:00

I'd assume a child of 4ft 11 was 11/12 not 7/8.

Justkeeppedaling · 26/02/2022 13:05

Friend already does it alone. Shes one of the oldest in the school year, DD one of the youngest (and smallest at a mere 4ft11). My DD has asked to do it with her friend

That's only 2" shorter than me, and I'm 60. The class must be particularly tall or I'm shorter than I thought I was.