Hey there, I'm new here and this is my first time posting, but I needed somewhere to go where I am going to get complete honesty and I can't tell my friends.
Background story, I have BF of 6yrs, and we have a LB together.
About a year after moving to my current town, I seen someone. I will put it bluntly, I fancied him from the very start! But nothing came of it because we very rarely spoke, just a little chat when we were up thr club at the same time. I became friends with a couple of his friends, but once again, nothing progressed with him.
Fast forward, I met my BF. When my LB was 1, we split up. Only for a couple of months though. In this time, I bumped into the "other man" on a night out. We got chatting, few laughs, he invited me to carry on the night with him but for whatever reason, I chose not too. I blame the drink! From then we started messaging. Nothing sexual, nothing more than a friendly chat about life etc. There was the odd flirtly comment, but nothing I ever seen as more than friends.
I then got back with my BF. Me and the "other man" were still messaging. Turns out, him and my BF are friends. BF didn't care as far as I'm aware as he knew nothing was going. I was happy for him to read the messages as I didn't see anything worth hiding. I do think he got a little bit jealous sometimes were we messaged every day, but once he seen the messages and realised nothing was going on he seemed fine.
The "other man" then went quiet. Random messages here and there when he was either drunk or it was silly oclock at night. When I say here and there, I mean like once every other month. So inbetween, I forgot about him. But then he would pop back up again. Then I would hit a sort of obsessive thoughts, nothing I ever acted on, but I could not get this man out of my head!
Well... My BF now sees the "other man" more regularly. The "other man" has asked my BF about me, if I'm ok, would I pop in for a drink etc. Makes weird requests like oh, send her a selfie of us. My BF then makes comments about why i won't come in and say hi to the "other man" etc and I change the subject or blunt answer because he also likes to remind me that I "use to" fancy him. Little does he know, i think i still do.
Now the other night, he popped up again. Asking how my BF was due to a family loss. I replied saying my BF was ok and that he could find him on other social media, not the one he had messaged me on. He then got talking to me about how he was upset I didn't come in and say hi. I said about having my LB and he said about it being an excuse, so I promised to go in another time. It was until the last message that he actually mentioned my BF again, although this whole conversation was suppose to be about my BF.
When my BF messaged him to say he was ok, the "other man" short answered him, to me it looked like he didn't actually care.
Now the predicament... Im obsessed again. I constantly think about the other man, he's in my dreams. I want to message him. What the hell do I do!? How do I get passed this!!
I don't know what this means, all I know is I'm not a cheat, I don't want to ruin a friendship and I'm not planning on leaving my BF unless he ever screws up. So what now. How do i stop thinking about "other man". What would you do??
I hope all of this has made sense.