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Original poster

Velcro Baby 9W0 - am I making a long term problem?

14 replies

Jade789 · 25/02/2022 08:58

I've accepted I have a velcro baby and hold her during all naps and co-sleep. Not ideal I know but fourth trimester! My question is, at what point do I need to start persisting with trying to get her to take naps independently and sleep in her next to me crib at night without making this a long term problem? Is there any small steps I can be working on now to help encourage this? Thank you

OP posts:

stuntbubbles · 25/02/2022 09:06

I held DD for naps until she was 9 months, then DP did parental leave and held her til she was 14 months – it was the quickest, easiest and frankly nicest way to get her to sleep and we got cuddles and an enforced sit down. (When awake she was a whirlwind.)

She started nursery at 14 months and had absolutely no problem napping there. She also started cot napping at home around then because she was getting too big to hold and be comfortable – she told us (by wriggling to her sidecar cot) that cot naps were preferable.

Looking back we could have put her down for naps earlier, but I’m glad we did it. She’s not a cuddly kid and I miss the snuggles now.

DrSeuss · 25/02/2022 09:06

My daughter was exactly the same but grew out of it in time. It could be a pain at times but she has grown into a very secure 11 year old. From my limited knowledge of psychology, it can be harmful to deny them comfort. At times I did just have to put her down even if it upset her as sometimes you just need both hands. Slings help. It's a phase, it will pass.

ShadowPuppets · 25/02/2022 09:09

We did it until 6 months, once she moved into her own room. Once she was in her own room we started making a real effort for her to see the crib as a place to sleep, so figured it was helpful to do this for naps too.

With hindsight it was lovely and I look back and miss it but by about month 4/5 I was beginning to get pretty pissed off and my back was suffering from having to sit in a particular way so I could rock her slightly if she stirred!

Currently expecting DC2 and have no idea what I’ll do if I get another Velcro one… DD will wind up watching a lot of CBeebies if I’m glued to the sofa

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BoodleBug51 · 25/02/2022 09:09

Holding during naps is insane, in the kindest way. If you let this carry on you'll be doing it for months....... teaching your baby to settle themselves is something I did with all 3 of mine from birth. Didn't mean I didn't love them or that they weren't comforted.

Get a hot water bottle and something you've worn recently, place in their moses basket/pram and settle them to sleep that way. Or get a bouncing chair/rocker for during the day.

StarsandStones · 25/02/2022 09:09

First of all congratulations! Yes, having a velcro baby is a challenge!

Does she nap downstairs? Do you have a safe spot where you can put your DD down? As a first step I would let her fall asleep on you and then transfer her. But preheat the safe spot with a hot water bottle that you take away before transferring and make sure the spot also smells like you (put bedding or similar under your t-shirt for a while).

Good luck!

ShadowPuppets · 25/02/2022 09:16

I really don’t think people get what it’s like to have a kid that won’t sleep anywhere but on you. DD would sleep on me, in the pram (which had to be moving) or in the car (ditto - no pulling over for a coffee and a phone scroll!). Nowhere else. We had a (very expensive) baby swing and a bouncy chair, she spent loads of time in there and never fell asleep.

My mum was convinced if she was tired she’d sleep anywhere, until the day she looked after her solo! I considered myself lucky that DD would go down in the car or the pram tbh even if it only was with movement. Couldn’t have ever got her down in the pram in the house (I tried! Many many many times after crying about never having my arms free!) I really honestly believe it’s just the kid you get. I wasn’t a ‘soft’ parent with it, we sleep trained at 6 months and she sleeps like a dream now (and always did at night, was sleeping 6 hours in one go at night from 3 months) but it was just DD. She was a tricky biscuit

stuntbubbles · 25/02/2022 09:27

@BoodleBug51

Get a hot water bottle and something you've worn recently, place in their moses basket/pram and settle them to sleep that way. Or get a bouncing chair/rocker for during the day.

Not all babies can be taught to settle; people who “taught” their babies to do this generally had settled babies. My daughter would have screamed if put in her bouncer for naps. Or just stayed stubbornly awake. Even in the sling in a dark room her record was 4 hours awake, just determined to see the world.

Why’s it insane? It’s a short window of life to cuddle a baby. I read lots of books, snuggled her a lot, let the housework pile up. It was a lovely time. Not for everyone and maybe not for the OP, which is her choice, but it’s not insane: just a different choice to yours.

GoldenOmber · 25/02/2022 09:34

Not all babies can be taught to settle; people who “taught” their babies to do this generally had settled babies

This is my experience. Tried endlessly to get DC1 to settle. Stress and screaming, endlessly. Ended up giving up after months and months and months of trying, and I tried EVERYTHING people suggested: bouncy chairs, T-shirts that smelled of me, ‘drowsy but awake’, routine, shush-pat, ‘don’t go rushing in at every little whimper’ - none of it worked ever.

Then had another baby, who would happily go down drowsy but awake. It was bloody magical. But I put in maybe 3% of the effort at ‘helping baby sleep independently’ as I had with DC1, so I can’t claim it was anything I did!

NudieUnderTheOodie · 25/02/2022 09:50

Do what gets you through. If your baby needs to be cuddled to sleep, cuddle them. Get a sling if you need to be up and about. And perhaps occasionally try to put them down, test the waters as it were and baby may surprise you.

My DS was one of those who needed to be held for naps/bedtime, the amount of people who suggested I should "just put him in his cot sleepy but awake" had no idea.

Original poster

Jade789 · 21/03/2022 16:07

@ShadowPuppets what sleep training method did you use?

OP posts:

ShadowPuppets · 21/03/2022 16:18

@Jade789 we built up intervals of leaving her in the cot - put her up there at her usual nap times then went up and patted and shushed at a 1min, 3min, 5min, 7min and then a 10 min interval. If after that (which was usually about half an hour once you factored in the 30 secs or so we'd stay in there) she didn't settle we'd bring her downstairs for 20 mins then repeat the process.

We started across a long weekend when DH had a Friday and a Monday off (and coincidentally our next door neighbours were away which helped with the guilt!). Really hard the first couple of days, I remember crying a lot on the sofa and tbh if DH hadn't been there I think I'd have just given up. But by the time he was back at work on the Tuesday we were down to (usually!) about 3 mins of wingeing rather than any actual crying. Even at its worst, she was never completely inconsolable but doing that sort of cry when you know they're annoyed but not actually hurt or in pain.

We only did it for naps, with nighttime sleep we used to feed her to sleep in a pitch black room and then rock her a bit. Once we cracked the naps with the sleep training we gradually withdrew the rocking, then withdrew the pitch black room (so we were feeding to sleep in the light then putting her to bed) and then, finally, ditched feeding to sleep when she was about 10 months old.

I don't think sleep training is a miracle cure and I wouldn't use it when DC are really tiny, but after 7 months of being physically attached to DD I honestly just needed her to learn how to sleep without being held. I sort of miss the cuddles now but praying next DC (due in 8 weeks!) is a better napper this time around...

Original poster

Jade789 · 21/03/2022 18:34

@ShadowPuppets thank you for taking the time to reply, I wouldn't sleep Train now I know she's too young but just trying to think of potential long term options if things don't improve :)

OP posts:

IncompleteSenten · 21/03/2022 18:35

Nah.
It sorts itself out in the end.

Cornishbelle · 21/03/2022 18:42

I think it depends on the child so I know this isn't the answer you probably want but there really is no predicting it.

My first changed from velcro to 3 times a day cot napper almost exactly at 12 weeks, my second waited for naps in cot until around 6 months but only in the morning as all afternoon naps were in the move due to school run!

If I had to try and plan again I would think about the sort of rough routine I would prefer and start making little moves towards that whilst having a couple of other ideas as plan b or c.

A sling or carrier is helpful obviously if they stick with contact naps, and if it feels like it doesn't end don't worry it will, once they are mobile and can wear themselves out they tend to just drop off at times a day you'll be able to relax without being as we lovingly called the human mattress

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