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Original poster

Not inviting 1 twin to DD's birthday party

37 replies

rugbychick1 · 25/02/2022 08:10

Advice please from wise MNetters. A bit of background first. DD is friends with twins. I'll call them A and B. DD has been friendly with the twins since starting in reception at school. In this school year (yr 5), DD has had problems with B's behaviour. No issues with A. The class teacher was informed and has been dealing with it. One of the main issues has been B lying about lots of things which has got DD into trouble, but B has also done this to other children too. But I've spoken to the teacher only about how this has impacted in DD and not mentioned the other children.

So, to the reason why I'm posting. DD is having a party for her birthday, and only wants to invite A. She will not budge on inviting B, and I feel it's my DD's right to invite who she wants. How do I, and DD approach the inevitable question as to why only A has been invited (before, both A and B have been invited to parties)? It's also possible that B may say she's lost the invite to her parents. I am friendly with A and B's mum, so want to pitch my response well.

Any suggestions please. DD is turning 10.

OP posts:

ThisIsGroundControl · 25/02/2022 08:38

Phew, normally on here I read people saying you have to invite both, or neither.

In fairness I tend to find if the twins are called Millie and Mollie, are always dressed identically and parents call them the twinnies then invite both, if the parents are encouraged them to be individuals as a normal person would then inviting one is fine

girlmom21 · 25/02/2022 08:39

I'd give mom the heads up before sending invitations out

ThisIsGroundControl · 25/02/2022 08:40

@Neenawneenaw76

Oh that's a hard one, I've got twins and am dreading this happening at some point, it's so hard to let only one of them go and do something without the other. If I was the twin mum in this scenario (firstly I'd be MORTIFIED) but I'd be unlikely to let one go without the other Tbh but would like to think I'd understand your reasoning. At the end of the day it's your DD birthday and she can invite who she likes.

So because of a quirk of nature your children will have to do everything together and miss out on opportunities. They will not be the same people or have the same experience no matter how you try to control other people.

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ChatterMonkey · 25/02/2022 08:43

Party of half the class seem reasonable on the surface, but of the full class, how many girls will not be invited? If its all but a couple, then thats not very nice for the children involved.

CrackerGal · 25/02/2022 08:44

@rugbychick1 your daughter is 10, as you say, she's definitely old enough to pick who she wants for her party!
Are the 15 invited a mix of boys/girls from her class?

Flickflak · 25/02/2022 08:49

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Flammkuchen · 25/02/2022 08:54

As the others say, it's OK to invite one twin but not the other, but it's not OK to leave just one person out.

This applies at any age. There are regularly threads on mumsnet where one adult from a friendship group is excluded from a party, and it hurts and is an unpleasant thing to do.

My children are brought up that they can largely invite who they like, as long as no one is singled out in a cruel and unkind way. So yes, I had relatives I was less keen on at my wedding.

Crimesean · 25/02/2022 09:19

So you're inviting more than half the class? Are all the other girls invited? If so, then it's far trickier - it would be pretty cruel to leave just one or two out.

Original poster

rugbychick1 · 25/02/2022 09:21

It is a mix of boys and girls, but slightly more girls. But there are plenty of girls not invited and mainly because DD isn't as friendly with them. Plus DD has been in a school run after school club with just DD, A and another friend, so that's another option of saying they've spent more time together doing that club. DD hasn't been playing with B as much at playtime

OP posts:

Flammkuchen · 25/02/2022 09:39

That sounds OK. It's good that your DD gets the message that you have to be considerate when inviting.

CrackerGal · 25/02/2022 09:41

@rugbychick1

Yes that sounds good just say that if it comes up, but I bet it doesn't, I would be surprised if the other parent even mentioned anything.

Original poster

rugbychick1 · 25/02/2022 20:54

Thanks everyone for your help.

OP posts:

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