Maintenance

[Snoop85]

So I’m not much of a money person. When my husband and I split up, I went with the maintenance that he said he’s calculated on the government website.
I’ve never had a reason to question him, even after him pulling up in his brand new sports jag ( he told me it was his company car) and then buying a just over half a million house.
I just thought, he wouldn’t lie. Why would he?!
I’m not one for checking his social media, everything I know has been mutual friends ‘accidentally’ dropping it into conversation which has annoyed me like crazy.
But tonight, if you’ve seen my previous threads you’ll see that I did the bravest thing I’ve ever done.
I threw out a guy that was treating me like crap and, I started to wonder.
It turns out. He and his girlfriend earn a lot of money from their business. ( don’t get me wrong, my children love here and I can’t grumble) .
He says he works full time, which I believe 100% but I didn’t realise that he has this business too.
It’s great that my children love going to see their dad, swim in his pool, pick things from his orchard, I’m glad they are able to have those things, but….. I have to tell my children sometimes that there will be no heating for a few days, or ask them to wait for dinner so I can borrow money.
Is this right?

I completely sympathise with you, when I split from my ex I always said I would never involve Child maintenance but also had trust in him to step up, however I was very wrong. I went through 2 years barely making ends meet while he done as he pleased, it killed me inside but then I realised my son had what he needed because of me. As a single parent I do okay, but just like you I have my moments, especially when my ex books holidays abroad and wears best of gear but not a penny or clothing for our son. I contacted CMS and they agreed the direct pay route, they took his previous years income to work out amounts, he questioned these several times but j stuck my ground. He needed up falling behind on several payments building up couple thousand arrears, he also barely saw our son because of working so much. When I renewed case this year they went to arresting his wages, safe to say all hell broke loose because of what I done but I’ve learned to realise it’s his duty to help, even though he complains he’s skint can’t pay bills etc, welcome to the real world. I have realised though, CMS contact Hmrc for income and base on that’s so unless they make more than the declare he should owe u it. Once claim is set up any money owed will be legally binding xx

Its not right at all, that he is giving so little you can't afford heating between working and maintenance he pays. It's really unfair.

However, to warn you as its a business it may only pay them dividend, which is very very difficult to get CMS to take into account. Or it could all be paid in her name.

When people want to avoid paying and they have access to very good financial advice and they want to avoid paying CMS, they can.

I would run the wage you do know about tonight the CMS calculator and see how that compares. If it's more than he pays now, try and get him to pay that.

Of course you cab go down the route of asking CMS to get involved and look at his whole income. My only concern is that it would be long and drawn out and if his official wages, say he should pay less or he decides to quit his job (I have known men do this, one has just tried to go self employed at work to avoid CMS) and only live off what she takes out of the business, then you could find yourself worse off.

Its absolutely shit.

I’m pretty sure though that all the business money is in her name.
Although, he did make me go in the bank to take my name off the account and have hers added lol.
Won’t they only take into account his main job even though I can prove he is making things to sell from their business?

Your absolutely right and, unfortunately his dad has a very large business within wealth management as an IFA

Have you contacted CMS at alll or just used there calculator? X

@Snoop85

Your absolutely right and, unfortunately his dad has a very large business within wealth management as an IFA

So he will definitely be able to hide large portions of it.

What's your own financial position like? What ages are the kids? Are you in the former family home?

As I said, run through the calculations and see if he should be paying more or less. If he is paying more than the calculator then you really need to think about wether it's worth the risk

I’ve just used their calculator and asked him to double check it’s still up to date x

@Snoop85

I’ve just used their calculator and asked him to double check it’s still up to date x

What did it say?

I work part time but don’t earn a lot. I do get housing benefit to help but I always seem to struggle.
My children are 13 and 10 and never ask their dad for anything, it’s always me.
I do worry as you say, I don’t want to end up worse off

I would highly recommend you get in contact with them just now, it can be a long process but it doesn't matter how long it takes the money is owed from date case is open. They will originally ask direct pay but they sort everything out and give u a schedule. As far as I’m aware they contact HMRC and get they income for the previous year, they then use this to work out the amount owed.The percentage depends on how many children your claiming for, if he has any other dependents and how many nights he keeps them. They will split the amount into monthly payments. My ex wasn't happy with this as they took his over time into account, so it looked like he made more than he did. They won't recalculate unless a significant difference so he has to pay same amounts even if basic week or over time. I went through it all as my ex tried everything to avoid paying, but now his wages are being arrested and his arrears are a debt now, so I'm happy lol

And so you should be!
This money is to make our childrens lives better, why are they making that so hard to happen?!

I had very different thoughts on this years ago, as I do have a good job, i infact make more than my ex, but I pay for everything for our son, so he's always got extra money to do whatever he wants etc. I never wanted him to see I needed his money so didn't push for it, but enough was enough when I was watching every penny and he was booking holidays etc without any financial support. That's when I made the step, I gave him benefit of the doubt, allowing him to pay agreed etc, he argued constantly about it so refused which resulted i wages arrested. I had a little feeling of guilt but then held my head up saying it's his own doing anyway, they should pay what's owed and that's it, you have every right to it so I would contact them ASAP. It was £20 set up fee tho x

I should also note my ex has tried everything he could to avoid paying it, offering shared care, but can't do a weekly overnight etc. Threatens me with court if I don't stop it, but I realised it's cause he was embarrassed that people knew I had to force him to pay. X

That’s terrible. I’m going to do as you have advised, unfortunately he decided to move an hour and a half away so I can’t see him trying those sorts of things.
Plus, there’s been many times when the children have come home after the weekend and said they stayed at their grandparents as their dad went away for the weekend lol x

Honestly it's the best decision I ever made. Tbh I knew his was empty threats but it's just a heads up if they do get him proper income they try everything to avoid it, but the CMS will do it all for u x

@JBen9

Honestly it's the best decision I ever made. Tbh I knew his was empty threats but it's just a heads up if they do get him proper income they try everything to avoid it, but the CMS will do it all for u x

Thank you, it just isn’t fair anymore x

I think you're mad not to have gone down the official route in the first place.

Long term you need to plan so that you have enough money. Can't you work more hours? I don't imagine he will help you once the children are 18.

The children must be able to see how different things are & I honestly don't think they judge the parent with no money. You're their Mum & they will always appreciate that.

I think you're mad not to have gone down the official route in the first place

To be fair it depends how sneaky he is. If the business is all his OH income, that won't be taken into account.

Usually, to stop the resident parent sniffing around and involving CMS the NRP offers above the CMS minimum.

Not saying this happened, but do understand that going direct isn't the best for everyone.

We still had a good relationship and I trusted him.
I can’t work more hours at the moment to be able to collect the children from school.
I have no reason for him to help me once they are 18. I’ll be able to work full time.
My children are amazing about it, they know unfortunately how hard things are for me but appreciate how hard I try.

I can’t work more hours at the moment to be able to collect the children from school.

Mine had to go to after school club. I can see why you prefer to pick up yourself though.

They are 13 and 10. Can the 10yo walk home themselves, be met by the 13yo, or go to after school club?
Regardless of their dad’s earnings, you could work full time.

Don't beat yourself up about only working part time to fit around child care, that doesn't change that your owed maintenance money. I work full time, as part time within school hours isn't possibly in my job. On a good day I only need a half hour care morning,m/afternoon but sometimes can be longer, I've got a good support network to help so don't pay additional child care, however as they're only helping plans change so often, usually last minute too. It can be so stressful as a single parent to then rearrange everything, asking for help, paying last min care fees etc, i definetly would trade the stress I have from this with a lower income, if it was possible for me. Don't doubt yourself, your doing great job

You don’t need to wait until they’re 18 to go full time. I think lots do as soon as dc are in secondary school.