I don't want to wake up tomorrow

[Lily2075]

Just that really. I cannot live another day being this unhappy. It's torture. I wish I could swap places with someone who is dying and actually wants to live.

Hi Lily. Sorry you are feeling so lost and sad. Would it help if you decided to take tomorrow completely for yourself, phone in sick (sorry but I won't make it in today, I've been up all night with the throw ups). That takes the work drudgery away for a small breather. Could you then plan two small.things tomorrow to treat yourself? One of them should involve getting out the house and being around others, maybe a walk in the park or treat yourself to getting nails done or a mini massage or a wander round a local gallery or a coffee and a magazine somewhere? Treat yourself kindly like you would a hurt child. Can you try just to get through tomorrow and take each moment one by one?
When I feel low and lost, I paint my nails a bright colour or put on something colourful even if I don't feel it, and repeat to myself one foot in front of the other.
You might find a bit of space to look after yourself tomorrow helps you feel a little less desperate. It might not be immediate but if you feel less broken and more rested, then you will find you have the space to think about a way forward. Do you see a counsellor? This can help a lot too.
I really hope you feel.better soon. You matter.

I used to feel exactly like this, the wishing I had cancer as I couldn’t kill myself because I had DC and I didn’t want them to live the rest of their lives angry at me and possibly carrying feelings of rejection that I didn’t love them enough to stay with them.

I’d then feel even more terrible as people with cancer don’t want to die and wishing it on myself made me feel like an even worse person!

I could say this is a stage in your life and it will pass (it will) but that is easy to say!

You do have the power to try to make your life better though.

If you had a job you enjoyed and people in your life, felt loved, had activities you enjoyed, felt fitter and slimmer, would you still want to die? If not, then you need to make it so and no it won’t be easy or quick but dying of cancer isn’t either .

@Dillydollydingdong

If you don't like the way you look, just change it OP. If you're overweight, go to SW or WW and sort it out. Honestly, it not that difficult. Go to the hairdresser. Practice putting on makeup. See your GP about depression. You need motivation, that's all. Go for it. You'll feel so much better.

This is utterly unhelpful and tone deaf.

I'm near manchester @Lily2075

Happy to be @BurgerKingAddict replacement and meet for a walk and a talk.

I'm a good listener and have been in some pretty dark places myself.

In the immediate future, as work is clearly massively impacting your wellbeing - could you see your GP and be signed off sick from work for a little while? You absolutely have grounds to. Just so you can catch your breath and take some proper time for you to work out next steps.
No job on earth is worth your health! Please take some time out.
I know that is only the surface of it, but this will give you some breathing space for the immediate future, then take it day by day

"You need motivation that's all"

Ffs really?! You may as well have said cheer up 🙄

I'm so sorry you are feeling so shit. I am also in Manchester if you need a friend xx

OP, I couldn’t read and not offer some small words of hope. I know you’ll be reading everyone’s comments and thinking we’re wrong because we can’t see you/don’t know you/aren’t feeling what you are right now, but I truly honestly mean it when I say there IS a future where you look back at this time and can’t believe you’re as happy as you now are.

There will be a time when this is distant memory, and you’ll recall the feeling and not believe how much things have changed for you, how much happier you are. It truly is possible, I promise.

It sounds ridiculous, but focus on the little things you can do that seem pointless and silly, as it’s those that actually help first, and build into more meaningful change. Like just getting out of the house for 5 mins of fresh air if you wfh, less caffeine, talking to someone for 5 mins (even a few comments here and there on mumsnet if that’s all that feels manageable!), 10 minutes a day reading for a bit of escapism, trying to get one or two early nights. Planning something you enjoy for after work, if it feels like there’s something that might help you get through the day. Even if it’s getting home for a bath, to put some comfort clothes on, to watch a comfort programme/film.

I know it all feels insurmountable and like nothing anyone could suggest will help, but I promise you you’re worth it, you’re worth trying for.

My partner is also feeling really low at the moment and has had similar thoughts, and I’d be more than happy to chat and maybe talk through some things that we’ve done that have helped him, if you want to PM me. Or actually about anything at all!

Sending love x

Hi Lily. Is it that you don't want to be alive anymore, or if you could pause the world, get off and get back on with a job you enjoy, feeling comfortable in your body, however that looks for you, and feeling happy at home, is that what you want? (There is no correct answer to this, I'm genuinely interested which it is)

Reading the post by @owmn (good advice) but just wanted to add that what really helps me at times when I think I can't possibly carry on is to tell myself - just this day, just get through one day. I don't know about you but sometimes it's just completely overwhelming & I can't imagine a future when things are happy/easy. It's too much so it just really helps mentally to not think beyond a day at a time. I just keep telling myself get through this day. Every day. After a while things do get easier and it becomes possible to imagine life being good.

Well I for one am glad you told us how you’re feeling it takes a lot of courage to say you’re this unhappy. I know this.
Are you alone in your house right now?
Please keep talking to us.

@Lily2075 reading your post has made me feel so sad. Life can be so difficult sometimes, I know this very well. But believe me when I say things can and will change. Things can and will get better.
There are some wonderful people that can help, click on one of the links.

I’ve been there, and still sometimes am.
It’s utterly life consuming and there’s times when I’ve felt paralysed by my depression.

I’m slowly, slowly coming out of it. I’ve never taken meds because I’ve been bought up to believe all meds are awful and your body should naturally fight everything. This is instilled in me, and it’s a shame because I could have gotten better, quicker with some medication.

I know pushing yourself is so hard and sometimes impossible, if it feels impossible at the moment hang on in there until you find the strength to push yourself another time. Apply for different jobs, take up a new hobby. Try to work out a bit. Just a walk, 10 minute home workout before work.
Or just talk to some one.
If you make a small change you slowly start to get a little better one step at a time.

Another thing I do (don't know if these are helpful to brains other than mine, but worth a shot) - & I'm not religious... but sometimes I think 'maybe there's a reason for this' & that somehow the things that happen to me happen so that other things that need to happen can happen. It doesn't always work, sometimes things are pointless and shit, but sometimes I can tell myself that I'll learn something, help someone, become more resilient, meet someone, those kind of things. I'm tired now and rambling but maybe you could try thinking something good will come out of this. Maybe someone who feels just the same as you but was scared to post is reading and can face tomorrow because you spoke up?

@Lily2075 How are you feeling today?

@owmn not great. Tried to distract myself. Cleaned the whole house. Should've gone food shopping but just couldn't face it. I feel like I need to change everything about my life to be happy again.

Sorry to hear today wasn’t a good day, but I’m impressed and think you should feel proud that you had the energy and motivation to clean the whole house! I know I certainly didn’t in my low periods.

Are you able to order a food delivery perhaps, or even just a click and collect to save traipsing around the supermarket? At times getting out and doing something mundane like that would’ve helped me, but others definitely would’ve called for a delivery.

Can I ask what you think you need to change, and whether you think you’d feel happier with each change you made, or if it’s more so a ‘everything is wrong and nothing makes me happy’ type feeling?

Hey! Well done for the distraction of cleaning, don’t worry about the food shopping - you’ll get to it when you can.
Corner shops or little local shops can tide you over for the time being if you can’t face a full on food shop.
I know when I’m feeling at my lowest how insurmountable even the smallest task can appear - take it easy and don’t force yourself to do too much.

@Lily2075 hang on in there know that things will get better.
2 of my sisters tried to commit suicide they both got help and counseling it wasn't a quick fix for either of them but it did happen.
It's small steps reach out to a friend or family and be honest or chat to a GP.
Today you achieved to clean your house that's more than most of us .
Thinking and praying for you:)

Hi Lily. Are you at work over the weekend? Can you go to a supermarket you don't usually visit to see if they have anything different to tempt you? That you might enjoy? Could you pick up a cheap bunch of daffs to add to your newly cleaned home?
I can't change how you're feeling, but I hope you know that you deserve to have treats. And you deserve to have pleasure. And you deserve to be heard - try to pick up the phone to someone to talk through what's going on in your life. Someone who might support you to begin making tiny changes towards a happier life.

You can't change every single thing about your life in one go, none of us can.
So this weekend choose one thing you're going to change and work out how.
What sort of job would you want if you could choose any? Maybe we might have some suggestions on how to get there, or as near as dammit. And you can start pulling yourself out of this rut.

@Lily2075 I wonder if you could do a circle of influence list. Simply, this is thinking about something that’s upsetting you and deciding what’s aspects you can do something about and what you can’t. It might help you let go of things that are out of your control. For example, I’m overweight and unfit. In my circle of influence I can’t control the fact that I’ve got Long Covid and a damaged leg. I can control whether I spend 20 mins a day on an exercise bike.

Also, do you have a good GP? You might consider antidepressants. They do have their place.

@Lily2075 what sort of job do you think you'd enjoy & be good at?

Thinking of you @Lily2075 I hope you are coping

Just as bad as I was if not worse. and just found out I've been discharged from mental health services without anyone ever having a discussion with me. So that's great.