How do you talk to your children about Ukraine?

[MrsPear]

They are 9 and 12. We quite happily discuss all sorts of world events. But this feels like something else and as the eldest reminded me ‘you said covid would blow over by summer and it took 2 years’! Any ideas

“you said covid would blow over by summer and it took 2 years’!”😂lol
DD is six so I doubt she will ask, but she did get truly fed up of covid, or the germ as we called it!

Do they watch the news? Read history books? I’ve no advice really, it’s difficult. Have they asked specific questions?

I don’t. They’re six and nine. I think they know somethings up from the snippets they’re hearing but unless asked specifically by my eldest, it’s just business as usual.

The 12 year old should be watching the news and forming opinions. They'll be talking about it at school.
The 9 year old- Newsround? Together?

Mine are 15 and 13 and I send them bite size articles to read and learn. Kids at school will be talking and it’s good they understand the history and why this is happening. I also have Russian friends so I try and give the full balanced view.

We subscribe to the week junior magazine. It's excellent and a good starting point for discussions.

I'm trying to stick to the facts without frightening them.

Sadly my 12yo best friend has her entire family in Ukraine so she is understandably very upset and frightened and this is obviously transferring to DD.

Mine are the same age as yours. My 9yo came home from school asking what was happening because school friends were saying to him "how do you not know there's a war on? It's all over TV" so I said to watch Newsround which he did.
Any questions he may have had seem to have been answered as he hasn't asked anything else.
I think we will make newsround a daily thing in our house. My kids don't watch a lot of TV. (Not gloating - they watch YouTubers!)

We have the Today programme on at breakfast and on the school run and PM is often on in the kitchen while they hang out with me doing homework and making tea. At 12 and 10 they are beginning the absorb quite a lot if what goes on. I sometimes have to do a quick fade out, but not often.

In terms of Ukraine, I did sit through down yesterday morning and say what had happened, as it’s a pretty big deal. They both wanted later to know about NATO, the USSR, Putin’s intention, what it means for us. I talked it through as best I could.

More generally, we talk about news issues and stories all the time, so it’s not unusual to discuss something that has happened. DS became particularly concerned about Afghanistan and the plight of the children there, and wants to raise money through War Child.

DS watches Newsround each day in school, which is part of the reason I discussed it with him first. We get The Week Junior which both enjoy and which contains excellent articles.

I know it’s hard, but I do think it helps to keep a dialogue open about world news. Children hear and process more than we think and at this age they are seeing their broader place in the works affect beginning to think about what this means.

"Russia has invaded Ukraine". That's it.

Then it's up to her if she wants to look it up online.

Children have been through so much over the past 2 years, I don't want to add to that anxiety.

I will tell them there is war "over there", and that we are perfectly safe and nothing will happen here. I spent my childhood worrying about war so I'm going to lie.

I think it is the fact we are a news family - I listen to radio 4 at breakfast then there is Albanian news which is what n in the background all day due to the inlaws here. Plus we read a variety of papers online. It’s all about war. I’m thinking should I just switch it off. The 9 year sat drawing last night and it was a picture of explosions. I’m worried this is too much on top of covid. Oh and newsround is a daily fixture at the 9 year olds school.

You don't need them being exposed to the news all day everyday.

My kids are younger and have learned about World Wars already in school, to a limited degree in that very factual, childlike way. That it happened so long ago and far away its not relevant to them. So I they have an understanding when I say there is an invasion in another country.

I grew up watching the news in the 80s. If it wasn't planes being hijacked, it was prison riots, nuclear power stations blowing up and the IRA bombing somewhere every week. At least that's what it felt like.

“you said covid would blow over by summer and it took 2 years’!”

I told mine during the first few weeks that if we were locked down the following year, I’d buy a hot tub. Thank god they forgot that comment

Mine watch Newsround at school so often ask about the news. I ask them what they think and then answer their questions as simply as possible. This article is helpful: www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/13865002

I also use the ‘look for the helpers’ idea. In any bad news story, there are always people helping. If we look for them, we can focus on the fact that most people are good.

My 9 year old ds (nearly 10) who has autism is obsessed with the news and reads bbc news everyday () so he knows more about it than I do really. He was a little anxious but I explained that Putin is unlikely to do anything directly to us here in the U.K. () and that the U.K. government is trying to help the Ukraine. He’s fascinated with the politics of it all but I accept that because of his autism and the news being his special interest he’s probably not got the same anxiety about it that other children may do. We just answer his questions very factually and then encourage him to do other things.

OP, I'm reading Philippa Perry's "the book you wish your parents had read and the one your children will be glad you did". I don't remember the exact details, but there's a piece near the start about children drawing pictures in response to a natural disaster. Some drew ruins and destruction, others drew sunny, happy pictures. Those who drew the ruins pictures had better physical health in later years than those who didn't

So perhaps you are doing everything right?

Use Newsround website - was always my go-to when there was a big but potentially distressing story on the news.

They have two good articles, one on the invasion, and one on the international response

Plus one withb advice if the news upsets you.

And don't worry, OP - there were at least 4 threads yesterday on the same theme, and there are a few when there are other inescapable news stories that parents worry will upset their DC. It seems like a huge deal before the conversation start, but once it does then it gets a whole heap easier. And you can help them learn to look for good news sources, and to evaluate how events are reported. Valuable skills

Yes because my daughter is half Ukrainian (I’m Ukrainian her dad is British). She’s 12. She’s never been to Ukraine but we have some family there. She needs to know the truth. It will be her world when she grows up and I want it to be a safe place for her…. She also sees how upset I’ve been over this, I don’t shy away from any questions that she may have. She’s a sensitive soul so I try not to get her too worried, I.e. we are safe here in the U.K., but the world will never be safe until Putin has been stopped.

@Mb76

Yes because my daughter is half Ukrainian (I’m Ukrainian her dad is British). She’s 12. She’s never been to Ukraine but we have some family there. She needs to know the truth. It will be her world when she grows up and I want it to be a safe place for her…. She also sees how upset I’ve been over this, I don’t shy away from any questions that she may have. She’s a sensitive soul so I try not to get her too worried, I.e. we are safe here in the U.K., but the world will never be safe until Putin has been stopped.

I don't unless ds asks. He's a child, I want him to be happy and stress-free, not worrying about a war that probably won't affect him.

If he asks, I'd explain the basics and leave it at that.

@Mb76

Yes because my daughter is half Ukrainian (I’m Ukrainian her dad is British). She’s 12. She’s never been to Ukraine but we have some family there. She needs to know the truth. It will be her world when she grows up and I want it to be a safe place for her…. She also sees how upset I’ve been over this, I don’t shy away from any questions that she may have. She’s a sensitive soul so I try not to get her too worried, I.e. we are safe here in the U.K., but the world will never be safe until Putin has been stopped.

I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family in Ukraine. You are doing exactly the right thing in how you are stating this with your daughter.

Not nearly as close to home but I became tearful about this yesterday, partly because my grandmother fled Lithuania as a refugee. I’m not going to hide that upset from my children because that is part of our family story.

As an aside, I wonder if families who do have their own histories changed by persecution and war view and approach this issue differently?

DD (11) came home from school yesterday talking about it and saying all her classmates are saying its going to be the start of WW3. I told her that everyone was saying the same thing after 9/11 happened and there was no WW3 then, that wars are going on in various places around the world all the time and its highly unlikely anything bad is going to happen to her.

I'm not telling mine yet. They've (youngest is only 16 months so doesn't care but eldest 6 is aware) just had 2 years of covid and it really affected my daughter constantly worried about hugging people, washing hands, spreading the germs and then all the time in lockdown. I just don't think I'm ready to pile another load of anxiety on to her so won't be discussing or watching news in front of her. However if she asks me or friends/school tell her then I will try to explain as best I can. What a sad world I really wish our children didn't have to deal with all of this

We watch the news and discuss it over dinner. If your not worried and scared then they won’t be, but if you are feeling and acting compassionately, they will be too. Maybe discuss it with them then suggest you make a donation to help the people of Ukraine?
I have an 18yr old who is doing politics A-level and we can’t avoid discussing it around my youngest who is 6, so just make sure they know they are safe and OK

@Mb76

Yes because my daughter is half Ukrainian (I’m Ukrainian her dad is British). She’s 12. She’s never been to Ukraine but we have some family there. She needs to know the truth. It will be her world when she grows up and I want it to be a safe place for her…. She also sees how upset I’ve been over this, I don’t shy away from any questions that she may have. She’s a sensitive soul so I try not to get her too worried, I.e. we are safe here in the U.K., but the world will never be safe until Putin has been stopped.

I really hope your family stay safe

My children are the same age as yours OP, we watched Newsround yesterday as I wasn't sure what to say and I know the youngest normally watches at school. I was glad we did as not only did it present what had happened factually, but went on to talk about how to deal with their thoughts and worries sensitively. I was glad we had done that. I don't want them going back to school next week in the dark and being thrown in at the deep end with comments from their friends or back to watching newsround with no idea what's going on.