How often to you hear from your DM/DF

[notachildanymore]

Just that really.

I'm in my late thirties, moved out at 18. My DM messages me everyday, at least twice (AM/PM), and sometimes throughout the day, not unusual to have 4/5/6 messages a day. Nothing of any importance, just "hope you're ok", updates on the weather etc.

I phone once or twice a week, but generally ignore all these messages in between as I don't feel the need to reply. Plus if I do reply, it just makes her msg me more. Like most people, I have kids and a busy job.

It started when I moved out, and it was a comfort at 18, but never did I think all these years later it would still be going on.

She got annoyed with me once a few years ago, I think I had about 30 unread messages, she said she'd seen the blue ticks and knew I'd read them. I explained I don't feel the need to reply when it's nothing important, explained I would call her in a few days- meaning that she doesn't need to msg me in the mean time, it didn't make any difference and I think I had a msg just a few hours later.

She's on her own, I've tried encouraging more social groups, even joining mumsnet as there's always someone to talk to.

Thanks if you've got this far.

Me and my mum speak every other day, usually just general messages asking how we are. We speak on the phone once or twice a week and have a catch-up. I’m happy with our level of contact.

I speak to my mum every day. Im 40 and moved out at 18 too but as a single parent to 2 boys one of who is disabled i get quite isolated. Shes widowed too so lives alone. I can sometimes speal to her twice a day depending whats happening.

Think i last spoke to my dad about 7 years ago.

That seems like a good balance. It's the neediness I struggle with. If I respond it just opens more messages and questions.

I do reply, but for example this week DS isn't very well and DH is away so its just me.

We live in Scotland and DM in London so visits aren't often.

Maybe it's just me who doesn't WANT to speak to my mother every day. Several times.

Im in scotland too. When my mum lived in south of england i didnt speak to her as much. Naybe twice a week. She wasnt involved in our day to days lives then. She moved back about 60 miles from me a few years ago

Two or three times a week, have a family call with my sister as well. The only other time is if someone has been ill or dies who we both know, or some other unexpected thing.

@notachildanymore

Maybe it's just me who doesn't WANT to speak to my mother every day. Several times.

It's not just you. I could happily not speak to my mum for aweek or longer but she just turns up here usually when am busy.

Every day. DF is alone and after a couple of health scares he worries that something might happen to him and no one will notice for days, so we talk on WhatsApp every day for his peace of mind. We speak on the phone 1 or 2 times a week too.

Pretty much everyday, altho not directly. We’ve a group chat with me, my siblings and my mum and that’s active every single (bloody) day.
Directly… hmm. She can go a couple of weeks between calls. I never call her first.

Change your settings so the blue ticks don't show and then she can't tell if you've read the messages or not.

Can you fix a certain days/ days of the week to call so she has something to look forward to? Do you ever text her first? You have kids, you know how much you love them , she feels the same about you. You feel the same about your children wether they are 3 or 30.

I speak to my dad about 4x a week and text most days . Mum is speak to weekly and text most days.

** I speak to

About once or twice a week. Nothing much. 5min call

I've been NC for a while but have recently reached out again because I feel mentally strong enough to not let my parents infect my mind. We video call once a week and just the odd message here and there otherwise. I can't stand the invasive questions and judging my life choices for putting my mental health and children first. I also hate constant texting with anyone, so I don't blame you for not replying.

Probably every few hours via WhatsApp? She helps us to care for our disabled DS though so it’s a little different.

Maybe once a year, before I had my daughter didn’t hear from them for around 12 years.

They moved a few times and never shared address, no fall out such, that’s just how they are. Seen them once in the last 3 years because I made the trip.

Phone call once a week on a Sunday afternoon. Sometimes leave it for 2 weeks.

I speak to them maybe 2-3 times a week and see them 1-2 times a week. It used to be much less but they like me more now I have children

Much mum, a few times a day, I’d feel weird if I hadn’t heard from her for a day! But we get on great, better than most I think.

I haven’t spoken to my dad for years, but before we fell out of speak to him once or twice a week.

Generally we message once or twice a week (brief conversation) and have one phone call - unless I go to visit her, in which case we don’t bother with the phone call.

Occasional WhatsApp exchanges. No phone calls, they absolutely never ring.

Now that I have DC I find it a bit sad, actually. I feel like I'd want to keep in touch with my kids more.

DH parents different, he speaks to them at least weekly, Facetimes with DC as well.

We probably talk on the phone about every other weekend with occasional texts in between depending on what's happening. I'm always baffled by people who speak to their parents daily, what do they have to talk about?!? Even after 2 weeks my mum will ask what's new and doesn't seem to believe me when I say "nothing" but I've been to work and the gym and done the food shop but other than that it doesn't change much from day to day!
If my dad rang i would assume someone had died and he doesn't do mobile phones! Occasionally he'll email.

I'm older now so I speak to my mum all the time. But when I was your age, I might speak to them both at the weekend and she would probably ring me. My job was quite stressful and I couldn't always be bothered. Sounds a but cruel now, but I was young and my life was about me! It started to change when I got into my forties and I went part time so I could see them more. I enjoyed our relationship much more by then and it has continued to get better and better and I'm in my sixties now.

I speak to my mum and brother every day. We lost my dad very suddenly 2 years ago and we just always chat in a group text. Doesn’t take much time. I’d do anything to be able to hear from my dad daily again x

Once every few weeks. I just don't have anything to say to her.