Kids and bullying.

[freckles999]

I've just read the saddest story about a young 12 year old boy who hung himself due to being bullied at school (he was revived but died in hospital). I believe it was in America but I've read similar stories in this country too.

I was talking to my friend about this and we are both in agreement that not nearly enough is done to stop bullying.

I myself was bullied at school from 12-15 (from 2nd year to when I left in the 5th). I experienced horrendous things... being spat at, beaten up, cigarettes put out on me (on the school bus on the way home), bag being stolen and emptied, pencil stabbed in my leg (can still see the lead now), I use to have to lock myself in the toilets with my feet up during breaks so they didn't find me. One time they did find me and one of the girls stood the other side of the door and as I open it she kicked one of those sanitary towel bins at me bruising my legs. They would steal my clothes after PE and hide them .. not to mention the relentless name calling. This was everyday and even out of school. The school did NOTHING! Moving school wasn't an option due to where I lived. From that I developed anorexia and bulimia (I was bullied cause I was fat and ugly with goofy teeth and I still suffer with EDs now, 31 years on). Enduring that for so many years definitely had a lasting affect on me. All my relationships apart from my first marriage have been abusive, I guess it's all I know.

Anyway.... I absolutely think more should be done to protect these kids that are being bullied In school and out of school, and definitely greater consequences for the bullies.... cause as far as I'm aware being suspended/detention isn't much of a punishment, however if they knew the police would be involved and it would go down on file maybe that might deter them a little more?

I also think it should be raised in parliament...these innocent children need protecting.

My 10 year old daughter is getting bullied at the moment but the school don't want to call it bullying but instead it's "differences". It's very worrying when schools are far more concerned with reputation than children's welfare 🙄😡

What I don't understand is if, as an adult, a person or group of people regularly hit you, beat you up, stole your belongings, harassed and threatened you you'd call the police, they'd be spoken to, arrested (hopefully) go to court, retraining order etc.

When it happens to children it's downgraded to "bullying" when actually it is assault, harassment etc which is a crime.
We are supposed to, as parents, sit back and watch our children suffer whilst the "bully" has excuses made for them, they're going through something, it's dismissed as a misunderstanding etc.
The victim is usually told to stay out of their way, yep that's a good idea, the victim tries to stay out of the way whilst being hunted by their assailant.

It disgusts me that children, our most precious and vulnerable people are left to deal with it

There’s too much protection for bullies and not enough done for the kids who are the victims. There’s always some excuse as to why a child bullies others and often their own parents don’t give a damn. There is no excuse in my opinion and schools don’t take it seriously enough, often seeing it as kids being daft and ‘banter’.

I think a lot more is done by schools about bullying than in the past. I think it's taken more seriously and schools try to stop it. Thats what I've found at my kids' secondary school. There's a lot more education done about it and I know in my kids' comp parents and kids are asked every year whether they feel safe at school. In the past not a lot was done about it but I think a lot more effort is made these days. Obviously schools vary and some will be more effective than others

Ofsted survey kids and parents on whether kids feel safe, and judge schools on this. So if your child's school isn't doing enough to combat bullying do make sure the school knows this op and escalate it if you are getting nowhere

It starts when they are young though, they need to drum it into kids from when they are young that we don't say/ do nasty things to one another and to encourage them to include other children in their games/ not exclude certain children.
Kids are told to play with someone else, stop telling tells etc and it's not fair on them. If it's nipped in the bud when they are younger I think it would help.

I was bullied in comp, the solution from the teachers was to not sit in the canteen at lunchtime, very helpful!

My son had a bone broken at school by kids that had been bullying him for a couple of years, he got blamed because he was laying on the floor in the sun at break time and the girl that admitted she pushed another boy onto him on purpose got nothing because why was my son laying down? No reprimand for her, this was primary, it took a couple of years into secondary and he started cutting himself, superficial thankfully before anything was done, thankfully he's finished school now and is the most inclusive, chilled person he is but it was a very hard and upsetting time for us, I have younger children too and I dread any bullying ever happening ever again

I watched a lady I know dealing with her child been bullied in primary school. She went to the school and they did nothing. Her husband went to the child's parents and told them what was going on. The parents refused to believe that little Johnny could do this.
The lady I know found out that little Johnny did the same in his previous school.
The lady I know got help for her child. She also decided to send her child to a secondary school a few miles away from her home to get them away from the bully and the bullets pals.
The secondary school she picked is a better school and popular but she managed to get her child in.

@4plusus

My son had a broken arm from being bullied at school. They kicked a football at his face and he put his arm up to stop it and it broke (just shows you at what force that ball was kicked). I knew nothing about the bullying prior to that.

I went straight down to the school and sat with the headmaster and year head and said that this was unforgivable. They 'excluded' the perpetrator for 3 days and on his return they kept him in isolation for a week which basically was a room with booths in - where he was given all his school work and he had to sit alone with a TA - no talking and no mixing with other pupils.

He was still a bully when he came out just moved onto some other child!

[quote freckles999]@4plusus

My son had a broken arm from being bullied at school. They kicked a football at his face and he put his arm up to stop it and it broke (just shows you at what force that ball was kicked). I knew nothing about the bullying prior to that.

I went straight down to the school and sat with the headmaster and year head and said that this was unforgivable. They 'excluded' the perpetrator for 3 days and on his return they kept him in isolation for a week which basically was a room with booths in - where he was given all his school work and he had to sit alone with a TA - no talking and no mixing with other pupils.

He was still a bully when he came out just moved onto some other child! [/quote]
Fucking heartbreaking, so sorry you and your son had to go through that, awful that it had to carry on for another poor child too, my boy had a bullying problem during secondary school school too, he was awful, his parents did not even see us but called police because dh made a comment on his way into school yet again to make a complaint and just said,'someone is in trouble'. The police actually came to my house because the kid saw it as a threat!
Thankfully its all behind us now but my older dd gets the same bus as the boy and she saw him strangling and pulling a random girls hair, girl was terrified about catching the bus anyway so after this it will never happen again, few days later her parents were picking her up from college and see the bullying little fucker at the bus stop and her dad stopped the car and chased him. I got told bullying fucker cried when strangled girl dad caught up with him. I fucking hope he pissed himself too and I really wish I knew strangled girls dad.

Thanks for starting the discussion.

Absolutely agree with the sentiments and agree the legal side is woefully inadequate. Mainly because it is tricky to punish children without leaving unintentional overly complex consequences.

In my understanding, the current legal system protects citizens from wrongful or overt prosecutions of the state and also stringent protection for minors. The combination is effective, however an unintended shortcoming is that unruly/bully children suffer little consequence of horrendous and technically illegal acts if they were adults.

I believe all children are born good and are highly impressionable. Therefore the burden of teaching/showing them how to behave fall upon the adults/school/parents. I cannot think of an approach that is bullet proof though.
We must teach children to recognise bullying behaviour, but defining bullying behaviour isn’t as clear cut as it seems. Where does one draw the line of healthy boisterous playing to the start of physical bullying campaign?
(When I was heavily pregnant with my second one, a man in his 40s shouted at my toddling one year old that my toddler was bullying his four year old son. Mine could barely walk but he was accused of pushing the four year old at the playground. The father terrified us with all the screaming. He didn’t stop even when his four year old shouted they were only playing). Needless to say I banned myself from that playground but also developed prejudice against males similar to that father. Who happened to be white, straight, loud and a massive chip on his fat shoulder lol

Teach children not to be silent and complacent when witnessing bullying behaviour and all stand up against bullying collectively. But one could argue the so called bully is being singled out/isolated/bullied by peers and perhaps the “bully” is the real victim who is fighting back?

Coupled with overly protective parents, bullying is tremendously difficult issue to address and more discussions like this should be instigated.