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Why did I feel like this?

6 replies

whathappenedtoyou · 23/02/2022 19:22

I went out for lunch/run in the car with a very close friend about a year ago - big age gap between us (23 years) and she fills a gap as I didn’t have stable parenting/nurturing always during childhood and teenage years. I love her very, very much .

When we last went out we were in car driving home and talking and she said, a bit out of the blue, ‘when xyz happened to you, when your parents did xyz you must have been so frightened’ .

I felt horrendously ill as soon as she said it to the point I remember her telling me to put my head between my knees . She was talking about abuse that occurred a very long time ago, that I’ve only ever talked to her about . I was very, very scared but I’d never thought about it before and when she said it in the car I felt sudden rush of terror, anger mixed together .

I ended up feeling very strange for the rest of the day, and into the morning - as if I wasn’t really here, watching myself on a film or similar . Was a horrible feeling . In the end my GP prescribed me diazepam which controlled it, he said he thought it was a trauma response and that whatever friend said had hit a nerve/brought up old feelings .

I haven’t seen my friend since, we talk every 2-3 days but due to meet up next week and scared the same thing will happen again . I still don’t understand what it was and why I felt like that, and how to control it so it doesn’t happen again . I don’t want to hurt friend by telling her, do I just deliberately try to keep the conversation light ?

OP posts:
riverpebbles · 23/02/2022 20:00

I'm so sorry. I had PTSD and it sounds like a trauma response to me. Anything that triggers the traumatic memories that are stored in the amygdala will make those memories spill out uncontrollably. Your system gets flooded with the memories and feelings again and the effects can last a while.

I had a PTSD specific therapy which was very successful, but I have heard amazing things about EMDR therapy - it can act relatively quickly to help you.

I would say/text your friend saying that you appreciate her concern for you but that talking about it is too difficult.

whathappenedtoyou · 24/02/2022 08:40

Thank you, that makes sense . It was a horrible, horrible feeling . I feel completely safe and at ease with her, but I couldn’t cope with the memories that came up . It wasn’t even that awful what happened to me, it was emotional abuse/neglect but it’s feelings I’ve never acknowledged and can’t, I know I must have been scared, as an adult I find the thought petrifying so a 4/5 year old must have struggled immensely but … I can’t let myself feel them in case I can’t control it .

OP posts:
riverpebbles · 24/02/2022 11:27

Addressing them in a controlled therapeutic environment will be a good idea. But your friend is not your therapist so you don't have to go there with her.

RelentlessForwardProgress · 24/02/2022 11:31

This does sound like a physical response to your body recalling the trauma you went through. I think you need some professional help to deal with these memories in a safe way. I don't think your friend meant to harm you by bringing it up casually during a trip with no warning, but I would explain to her that it isn't safe for her to do so again.

Ramalamadingdongs · 24/02/2022 11:37

Yep she's triggered you which has caused you to "flood". Especially because it was out of the blue. A good therapist can help you with it. EMDR has basically cured my ptsd, it was amazing, worked relatively quickly and you don't really need to go too deep into specific memories the way you do with CBT and other talking therapies. But i had a few of these kind of episodes when i was suffering with ptsd. I would just say to her that you don't feel ready to talk about it out of the blue if she tries to get back on the subject.

JohannSebastianBach · 24/02/2022 11:41

Please tell your friend, I'm sure she wouldn't want this to happen again. If you tell her she will know to steer clear of the subject.

Also as pp have suggested try EMDR, a friend of mine had it and it's really helped her. It's been life changing.

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