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Confused - need help and advice about school behavioural issue

6 replies

BadLuckDragon · 23/02/2022 12:51

Don't know where to start. Don't want to write an essay but don't want to drip feed either. I'm in Australia so some terminology may differ.
My son is 5. He was in prep (reception) last year. He got on just ok with it. He didn't like school and would very often cry on a Sunday night that he had to go to school next day. However he just sort of got on with it during the week. We were never called in and there were never any issues raised to us by the school. He seems to have a lot of issues with 3 boys on his class - being mean to him, calling him names, hitting him etc. We ended up going into school and talking to his teacher and they were aware to keep an eye on interactions between them all.

He's now a few weeks into year 1. And it's been awful. I have emailed his new teacher about the problems he had with the other boys but she hasn't really acknowledged it. We have now had numerous emails from his teacher saying he is acting out in class, won't settle to do his work and is screaming and crying for long periods of time. I got called into school yesterday at 10:30 because they could not settle him down. We had a meeting with the guidance counsellor and the school engagement support officer. I was really taken aback by the meeting so probably didn't take things in as well as I could have. They asked questions about my son, but I felt the whole angle of this meeting was basically that my sons behaviour was unacceptable (agreed) and that he needed to pack it in because it is taking up too much of the teachers attention. I absolutely understand this, but it's SUCH a change in his behaviour and there was no sign of this last year.
They basically said he should probably be assessed but didn't give me any clear guidance on how to do that or what happens next. I do remember agreeing to the counsellor observing my son in lessons to see what support can be put in place, but she is only there fortnightly so it will be a while now before this occurs. They also said he should see a speech pathologist and get his hearing checked.
He's been very highly emotional at home over the past couple of weeks too. He seems to have absolutely no resilience any more. He's suffering with more sleep terrors, disturbed sleep and nightmares. He's saying he's being hit when he comes home from school most days, and will say things like XX says I'm dumb/stupid. The school seemed to brush off our concerns about potential bullying here.

I'm very upset and emotional and can't think quite straight.
I've booked an appointment with a child counsellor. I have a speech pathologist appointment booked. I also have a GP appointment booked to discuss referrals for further assessment (a few years ago we were basically kicked out of daycare for 'behavioural issues' where they also suggested further assessment, they started the process but then kicked him out saying they couldn't manage him - this was a huge shock to us at the time because he did not display any of the behaviours they struggled with when he was at home. He had no further issues in the daycare we moved him to so we didn't follow up at that time).

What else can I do? I love my boy so so much. I want to do the right things for him. I want to work with the school. I feel so lost.

OP posts:
Iwanttoloseweight · 23/02/2022 12:55

I am really sorry for what you are going through. What are school doing about your poor boy being bullied at school? You know what, I will move school to be honest. They sound like crap.

BadLuckDragon · 23/02/2022 13:05

We had already decided that we would see how this year at school went and if nothing improved that we would change schools. But if the issue stems more from my son then I want to ensure we have addressed that first.

I can only go on what my son tells me - I have no idea what's actually happening around all of these incidents and at the moment the school have given me quite a generic answer of if they see inappropriate behaviour they will redirect etc. It would really help me to know if my son is saying it doing anything to provoke any reactions, or whether he is being targeted. At the meeting they implied that a child's perspective can make them feel like victims when it wasn't intended that way - so for example someone accidentally banging into them while playing tag isn't a deliberate action but some children will see it that way, or when someone doesn't want to play with them it's not because they don't likely them, it's just at that time they don't want to play. Again, I understand and agree with the concept of this, but I don't know whether it applies to what's happening with my son or not.
I really do feel like moving him as he seems unhappy but I don't know whether it would fix the problem.
Sorry, I'm rambling as I'm still not thinking straight.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 23/02/2022 13:06

Well of course he’s going to act out if he doesn’t feel safe at school. I’d put the ball firmly in their court, asking them what they’ve done to address bullying behaviour towards your son and how they are going to meet their duty to provide a safe, nurturing environment for my child. I’d also be asking about the strategies they are using in the class to support his behaviour, and what they’re doing to promote emotional literacy in children. By placing the blame on him they’re reinforcing his lack of safety, which in turn will drive even more dysregulated behaviour.

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BadLuckDragon · 23/02/2022 13:15

Thank you @Jellycatspyjamas - that makes a lot of sense. I really feel like they are placing the blame on him! I don't want to be a dismissive parent who thinks their child is a blameless angel, but he really is quite well behaved at home so while I will take this seriously and work with the school, I feel they need to work with me too.

I need to have another meeting and ensure I have questions written down to help keep my son safe. I like the idea of asking what they're doing to address the bullying behaviour that he is currently experiencing. Thank you.

OP posts:
BadLuckDragon · 23/02/2022 20:49

Bump - does anyone else have anything they could add to help me right now

OP posts:
MaizeAmaze · 23/02/2022 21:08

How does a school move work? Could you have the chance to talk to some possible schools about what has gone on, and that you are looking for a supportive fresh start?
If this is the second location that is struggling to create a safe, nurturing, environment for your son, it is possible that he needs greater understanding and time to fully fit in at school. It also sounds like his current school has become a place for him that will rake a lot of input to feel safe.

I would do 3 things:
Carry on with the speech/GP/councillor referrals
Talk to school about how they are going to keep him safe at school
Look for a new school that will care for him the way he deserves. Dont jump quickly for something that might be better, research it and do your best to get it right.

Actually, id do 4 things: your son also needs a massive Mum hug.

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