New colleague driving me crazy - solution?

[janeseymour78]

I'm really happy in my job overall, my managers are great and not micro managers as I've previously experienced.

But I have just started working with a new colleague who messages, emails and calls me day and night - it is worth saying she also some times does this with my manager who has found it annoying.

Problem is she is treating me like a subordinate I need to report into. When this first happened I spoke to my manager immediately, who clarified I was correct and the workload was mine only and I didn't need to report to her.

The micromanagement from this colleague is continuing and now the manager suddenly says ' oh actually, it might be better if you work together on this' - although we are both the same job level she is now to lead overall and I'm leading a specific area. But she wants to know details on what I'm doing/copied into most things and I have never had to report into anyone but my manager.

Although I like everything else about the job, I feel life is too short and I'm not willing to work like this long term. I think my manager has not given clear instructions and just expects us to co-manage but so far it is not working out. Any advice on how to handle it?

To summarise: we work on same level in different departments. Out of nowhere this person is now asking me to report into them on an area of my work because she views it as part of her domain. Her work style is overbearing and my boss has gone from saying 'this is all yours' to 'yeah maybe you should work together'. I'm feeling frustrated/unhappy with this.

I think you need a formal meeting with your boss. That sounds absolutely unbearable.

@HollowTalk I have set one up for later this week. Just trying to decide how to approach.

Thing is I'm still fairly new to the role myself but have been receiving great feedback so far. I worry I'll look like I can't collaborate although I'm doing well with all other colleagues.

If she is so desperate to take on this part of the project I have current ownership of, I would rather give it to her than get caught in this tug of war. I have a million other things to do and the bad feelings I have about this is sucking up my energy.

Firstly, I'd consider there may be a hidden agenda and she is being fast tracked for promotion. So be careful unless you're nothing is afoot.

I would say things like "I am looking forward to the sole responsibility of this challenge".

When this woman micro manages, can you leave a silence to indicate the problem?

If you have to work with her, keep clear records as to who made which decisions. Someone like this will try to take credit away from you and allocate blame to you.

@EmmaH2022 well she is already playing the blame game. She told me a deadline and then tried to say I'd missed it. Turns out she finally set a deadline one day earlier than the date she told me.

I'm worried because my line manager said he sees me being promoted and now wants to work towards that. This person on the same level as me has since started and is behaving in that sort of bullish way that does sometimes garner promotion. I feel like my own opportunity is likely to be threatened but don't feel I can say this to the boss really.

I can't really leave silences as we are still working from home. I am not replying to her immediately however...

Do you have an HR Department? I would diarise everything, including the fact that your manager has also found being in the receiving end of her incessant demands for attention annoying and refers her to you. Rather than clearly define her job boundaries, your manager has given her the impression that she is your superior and you now defer to her to avoid further harassment. This is not management, this is conflict-avoidance.

You’re totally sure your boss hasn’t tacitly agreed to/ asked for this level of micromanagement of you? It sounds odd that someone at a higher level wouldn’t nip this in the bud.

Do you have evidence re the deadline thing? Keep it. Consider showing your manager and say "there was confusion". Raise an eyebrow, they should get the message.

Your manager is either going along with her for minimum hassle, or has been told by people higher up the chain to keep her happy.

Be prepared. I once had someone like this and did a sort of quiet resistance thing. Luckily, she responded by sending me a really nasty email, effectively giving me the evidence that she was trying to make me look bad.

She was so bonkers, I don't know of she thought I'd be too scared to forward to my manager - the CEO thought she was brilliant.

But it was a tough time. She was managed out after that, but it took a couple of months and she sat two desks away!

Sorry you are dealing with this.

Go in armed with specific examples and what you want from your boss IE to clarify what areas are yours and back you up when she power plays.

[quote janeseymour78]@EmmaH2022 well she is already playing the blame game. She told me a deadline and then tried to say I'd missed it. Turns out she finally set a deadline one day earlier than the date she told me.

I'm worried because my line manager said he sees me being promoted and now wants to work towards that. This person on the same level as me has since started and is behaving in that sort of bullish way that does sometimes garner promotion. I feel like my own opportunity is likely to be threatened but don't feel I can say this to the boss really.

I can't really leave silences as we are still working from home. I am not replying to her immediately however...[/quote]
Why cant you say that to your boss?

It is perfectly fair to suggest that your opportunity in independently leading and delivering this project is being compromised and so you are concerned the platform that brings is not as strong as it otherwise would be viewed for promotion.

I would simply highlight that you have demonstrated that you are happy to partner with others by working together to date, but as things have progressed you are having some concerns over how effective it is actually being and give tangible examples of the micro management / mis communication that it is causing.

I also wouldn't be afraid to challenge your manager on the fact they have given you conflicting information / changed their stance on this which hasnt helped either.

@EmmaH2022

Do you have evidence re the deadline thing? Keep it. Consider showing your manager and say "there was confusion". Raise an eyebrow, they should get the message.

Your manager is either going along with her for minimum hassle, or has been told by people higher up the chain to keep her happy.

Be prepared. I once had someone like this and did a sort of quiet resistance thing. Luckily, she responded by sending me a really nasty email, effectively giving me the evidence that she was trying to make me look bad.

She was so bonkers, I don't know of she thought I'd be too scared to forward to my manager - the CEO thought she was brilliant.

But it was a tough time. She was managed out after that, but it took a couple of months and she sat two desks away!

Sorry you are dealing with this.

Yes I did, I quoted the actual date she gave in an email to my boss. This was in response to her emailing me to say I'd missed the deadline and copying him in.

I can speak to my manager's manager who I also work closely with if this continues. He seems to value and like me, so I hope he would be willing to help.

@FiftyStoriesHigh

You’re totally sure your boss hasn’t tacitly agreed to/ asked for this level of micromanagement of you? It sounds odd that someone at a higher level wouldn’t nip this in the bud.

No absolutely not. He told me he wasn't happy with her behaviour last week and congratulated me for how I handled it.

But now like @EmmaH2022 suggests I think he is taking the path of least resistance which is affecting me.

I would come at it from the angle it is disruptive and slowing down the progress rather than just how you feel.

Unfortunately the former tends to get action rather than the latter.

@monroeagogo

I would come at it from the angle it is disruptive and slowing down the progress rather than just how you feel.

Unfortunately the former tends to get action rather than the latter.

My manager has already stated progress ends up being slowed due to her disruptive nature so perhaps that is a good angle.

What I find annoying is he says this to me but treats her like the best thing since sliced bread in reality. I think you can be kind and professional without doing that so my eye is on him as I find it a bit two faced.

If you plan on speaking to your managers manager I would at least make sure you tell your manager that is your intention and why you feel the need to do that (ie. You have raised your concern snd given them an opportunity to resolve it snd they haven't).

The last thing that will help you on a promotion front is if you circumvent your own boss without making them aware.

@Newdad19 I am first aiming to speak to him and resolve it. If speaking to him doesn't resolve it and my job satisfaction continues to plummet, then I will speak to the boss's boss and let my own manager know I feel it has become a significant issue.

I also need to find out more about HR as I haven't yet been given info about it.

Use your C's. Confused, concerned, curious.

You are confused that she is interfering in your work when you are in different departments.

You are concerned that her interference is causing delays. You are also concerned that she is trying to bad mouth you by blaming you for missing a deadline you you hadn't missed

You're curious as to her interrelationship with your role and the extent to which you are expected to collaborate with her. Can your manager expand on this and clarify for you.

The Cs put it back on the other person to do the explaining.

Thanks @k1233 - as it turns out, my boss actually had a word with her boss last night. And it turns out more people feel the same way about her behaviour.

He also made it clear I was in charge of my project to her manager so I'm hopeful this will resolve things.