Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

8 yr old bedtime worries - help!

17 replies

Danascully2 · 22/02/2022 20:55

Hi,
My 8 year old has no additional needs or traumatic circumstances. He has recently started getting very worried at bedtime. He used to start crying after I'd said goodnight and I had to keep going back up to him. So I put in place some 'talk about your worries' time before I say goodnight. But he is dragging this out so much that sometimes it takes him an hour to tell me his worries. I'm tearing my hair out because then I come down at 8.30-9pm and then have to go round doing all the laundry/washing up/getting everything ready for tomorrow. Also he's getting tired because he's going to bed later because he's taking so long with it. I want to be sympathetic but feel it's getting a bit ridiculous and counterproductive.... I tried sending husband up instead but son refused to tell him his worries and then just cried and cried until I went up and then took ages to calm down. Any ideas?? Is it a phase which will just pass?? I'm getting so fed up I'm getting cross with him which I know is not helpful but just don't know what to do!

OP posts:
Marmelace · 22/02/2022 20:59

Maybe all the upheaval of the past few years as really affected him?

artificialhells · 22/02/2022 21:01

Have you tried encouraging him to keep a diary or journal? It could be a place to write down his worries, but it could also be a journal for good memories. I used to do this with my dc when they were having a tough time at school and it worked: write down three happy memories from today. Then you always have those to look back on even when your mind is full of worries. You can just take out the book and think about your happy memories instead.

I used to do it with dc to show them what to do - memories can be very simple eg ‘the sun felt warm on the walk to school’ or ‘the dog wagged her tail when I got home.’ If you’re a worrier it’s a good way to train your brain to focus on other things

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

8 year olds Families
Original poster
Danascully2 · 22/02/2022 21:11

Thank you all. We have some worry dolls but he still seems to need me there while he spends hours telling them his worries.... He does like writing so a journal might work, it's just trying to do it in a reasonable time frame so he still gets to bed at a sensible time....

OP posts:
Original poster
Danascully2 · 22/02/2022 21:13

Yes possibly the upheaval has been hard, especially the second lockdown last year when he was at home while I was trying to work and his brother was going to preschool so he was quite lonely.

OP posts:
DownWhichOfLate · 22/02/2022 21:27

It’ll still take the same amount of time but could you start bedtime much earlier? He will probably (hopefully!) have enough of talking about these things soon. Or could you discuss during the day, with reassurances that it’ll be ok, then remind him that you have discussed and agreed it’s alright?

BananaPie · 22/02/2022 21:31

Try this book: What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What-to-Do Guides for Kids)

It’s on Amazon.

It has some good strategies for dealing with worries explained in a child friendly way.

One of the strategies includes “worry time» not at bedtime.

Mayhemmumma · 23/02/2022 00:00

100% what bananapie said, 'what to do when you worry too much' and schedule non bedtime 'worry time'

Original poster
Danascully2 · 23/02/2022 07:20

Thank you, I was wondering about a book but looking online there are so many different ones it was hard to know which one to go for. I have tried having 'worry time' at other times but he just says he doesn't have any worries and then still comes up with loads of worries when he actually gets in to bed... I might have to do earlier bedtime although then he gets upset because he hasn't had time to do x/y/z other thing he wanted to do.... Thank you for your suggestions :)

OP posts:
reluctantbrit · 23/02/2022 07:50

We had luck with meditations by Relax Kids at that age.
relaxkids.com/store/cds/quiet-spaces/

There are lots of free apps and websites for this and if you have Spotify you can also find tracks. Not all work the same and we went with DD through several until she settled some she enjoys listening to.

Otherwise there is an app DD uses at the moment called Three Good Things which is a kind of record keeping of three good things which happened on the day. It focuses on the positives instead of the worries. Early stages for us but DD does it just before bedtime and so far she likes it.

Saying that, she is a teen and a bit more consious about the worries but the principle can be used by any age.

Original poster
Danascully2 · 24/02/2022 19:42

Thank you, I have ordered the book and will investigate the meditations. It's just really hard to balance taking all the time to deal with this alongside all the millions of jobs that need doing around the household. Never mind that I might like to actually sit down once in a blue moon and watch half an hour of tv or something....

OP posts:
MrsBloxby · 24/02/2022 23:44

Hi OP, my daughter was like this, very anxious at bed time and wpuld sneak in and camp on our floor, now at the age of 9 she is finally putting herself to sleep and staying in bed all night. I found audio books really helpful. She puts it on a low volume and listens until she feels sleepy.

Original poster
Danascully2 · 26/02/2022 09:46

Hi, thank you, good to hear it's got better! I put quiet music on after I leave the room, same sort of idea.

OP posts:
SNUG2022 · 26/02/2022 09:53

We tried a gratitude journal for kids. 3 positives from the day.

You can have a worry window which is a short period of time to download worries, then it is over. I tell my ds he can give me 3 worries that we chat about, then we talk about something positive and I wrap it up quickly. I have since said that I wasn't happy about the habit of making bedtimes a focus of negativity and he got that and lately we have more general chats. Hopefully just a phase.

bruce43mydog · 26/02/2022 15:53

Sounds like he might not know how his feelings are making him feel. He might just need to unwind a bit and relax. Read him a bed time story. Or put on some self sooth music to help him relax. He probably just needs reassurance to stop his overthinking. He will grow out of it and need you less. In time.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 26/02/2022 16:13

I remember DD "regressing" a bit around the bedtime routine around 8 and wanting to be read to more, chat more before bedtime and sleep with me, so we did. It wasn't always convenient because like you say, there are many jobs to be done in the evening, and I like a bit of personal space. But she grew out of it after about 6 months and now she's a fiercely independent 11 I sometimes miss that closeness.

Original poster
Danascully2 · 06/03/2022 20:05

Sorry meant to reply to these, all very helpful advice thank you so much :)

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread