Does counselling work

[Mumofboys456]

Is counselling helpful? How do you know which one to go for and how long does it usually take to work?

yes it works but there are a lot of different types and you might not click with the first person you try with. how long it takes really depends on what you're trying to resolve and whether you do the "homework" too. you need to be committed to helping yourself work through it.

sorry missed the last bit.
for what type you need - again depends on what you are trying to fix, and what the blockers are for you at the moment.. some are better for some issues more than others.

Yes it works.
It can take a long time depending on what’s going on.

The type of counselling depends on what you want support with. I agree that the most single important thing is to find the right counsellor for you.
I’ve tried quite a few and I found the ines that worked for me are psychotherapist rather than simple counsellors.

It's one of those things where you get out as much as you put in. Counselling doesn't work, you work.

It's not a magic wand, you can't expect to be miraculously cured overnight of the problems that were created over a span of years. Trust is important. You need to work with a therapist you click with and be prepared to put in the effort.

It isn't all talking shit about your parents while they nod sympathetically. You have to be honest about yourself. I've told my therapist things that I will never tell anyone else because I'm so ashamed of them. But you can't work at changing something that you can't even bear to look at. So you have to trust the person you're telling it to.

It takes time and effort and it hurts but if you're ready to change things then it's worth it. I've been in therapy 2 years. I've come a long way and achieved things I didn't expect to ever do. I've still got a long way to go.

My problems are borne of trauma that occurred over decades. I'm not going to undo that in a few months, however good the counsellor. So you pick someone qualified but more importantly pick someone you like.

Thank your for the replies, How do you know where to even start with picking one?

I used counselling directory. Filter by the kind of counselling you want or the issue you want to work on. Filter again by the ones you can get to and the ones you can afford. If you have a preference for sex, age, orientation or w/e you can filter by that too.

What results remain are your options. I skimmed photos after that and make a shortlist of 5 that I liked the look of. Phoned them up and arranged a first session to meet them and see how they work.

I only actually met one as he was the only one to return my call. I liked him so I went back and here we are 2 years later.

See how you feel with them. It's not going to be comfortable as such but you want someone you feel safe with and can connect with. It depends what you're working on I guess.

For me there's a lot of talk about suicide and childhood sexual abuse so I needed someone who wouldn't be too quick to overreact but would be solid and unwavering in their support. A lot of the work takes place within our relationship so someone who is of that modality was essential.

A therapist who is more of a blank slate, a psychoanalytic therapist would have done me more harm than good.

He has good firm boundaries but isn't a completely closed book. I can ask him anything. He might not always answer but I can ask. Most trivial things he'll answer if I actually want to know. He won't let me redirect the conversation to him (usually to deflect something I don't want to talk about) but if I ask him a direct question, he'll generally answer it.

Some therapists won't though, they will refuse to give away anything about themselves, even pleasantries like how are you? I have issues around attachment and this kind of therapy wouldn't work for me. It's worth researching different modalities of therapy and how they work so you know what to expect.