DS's nap at nursery ruining bedtime

[user9873498]

DS is 3 and goes to nursery from 9:30 to 3pm every day. They put them down for a 1-2 hour nap around half 12 every day. Because of this nap, DS doesn't go to bed until 9-10pm, he used to go up at 7pm and be asleep not long after that. So this afternoon nap is really ruining his bedtime routine and also any free time we used to have in the evenings.

We've asked the nursery to please stop putting him down for a nap, but they clearly haven't listened. Is it unreasonable to ask that a 3+ yr old not be taking an extended afternoon nap? I'm getting a bit irate with the nursery - he's only there for 5.5 hours and in a class with other kids that are supposed to 3 and 4 yr olds, I can understand if some kids that age still need a nap but won't most of them have outgrown it by now?
What bothers me most is that he doesn't sleep in the evening and we're up with him till 10pm some nights! Exhausted!!!

This is the problem with nurseries IME. Of course they want them all to sleep because it is easy and less work for them. In theory, you are paying and they should follow your wishes, but in practice...

I would try talking to them again and say what you've wrote here and that it's affecting his sleep.

My Son goes to nursery 12:30-6, he's only 9 months but they're brilliant - they check if they've to have a nap and if yes what time they have to be up by. My Son usually does have a nap for an hour or two at 1pm but if he's been up earlier he has a nap before he goes. If he has another one there he won't sleep at night so if I say to them he's not to get a nap they keep him up. He is tired by the time we get him but we then take him home and do bath, story and bed so it works out well.
So it's definitely all nurseries, it sounds like yours just don't want to listen.

What did they say when you said to them last time about not having him nap? When you pick him up do they tell you if he's napped or not? If they do, I'd be asking every time why they put him down. I'd also remind them every time you drop him off that he's not to get a nap

*it's definitely NOT all nurseries that was meant to say!

This is ridiculous at age 3. I’d be telling them either they stop or you find a new nursery. It’s not about your free time it’s about your DC getting a proper nights sleep. I’ve worked in nurseries and had my DC in nursery and none of them have insisted 3 year olds have a nap! If a child was obviously tired they would let them sleep on a mat in a quiet area but they’d never put a 3 year old down for a nap.

Tell them again! They definitely shouldn't be putting him down for a sleep if you've asked them not to. Both of mine were doing full days at nursery from 12m until starting school and we asked for them to stop having naps just after they were 2 because we were having the same problem (our kids have never needed much sleep, unfortunately!) There was the odd day where they needed a nap and it was fine for the nursery to let them sleep when they really needed it, but once we'd asked nursery to stop them napping it was few and far between!

Where do you live? When DD went to daycare in the US the state law dictated that they had to offer naps to all kids up to age 5. DD was having 2 hours every day there up until we moved when she was 3 and half, and it was a bit of a tricky adjustment to a British school nursery where there was no nap provision!

My dd2 napped after preschool, 1-3 when I woke her to get dd1. Dd1 gave up napping at 20 months. They are all different and they shouldn't be forcing him to stay awake to suit your evening. Most dc do nap a bit at 3

I had the same issue last summer when DD was 2. She started doing 2 hour naps (and having spent the 1st year of nursery only doing 30min naps or not at all, the staff were delighted 🤣) but she wasn't going to bed till 9pm earliest and was then grumpy the next morning and having horrendous drop offs because she wasn't getting enough sleep overnight. I started off by asking them to cap it to an hour and explained why and how it was making the mornings worse for everyone. That helped for a month and then she naturally started to refuse napping there. They really should listen to you - of course they like the kids to nap to keep them refreshed but at the same time, it's got to work for you as well especially if it's having such an effect on bedtime and night time sleep!

I used to work in a nursery. They should be listening to you. It's your choice. Just say it nicely with a smile, 'no naps for X anymore thanks, its affecting his bedtime. Please can you pass this on round'. Then check at pickup. IME most kids over 2.5 didn't need them. Even ones who did, we would ask parents if they had a time limit or time they needed to be woken by. Usually 2pm.

what time does he get up?

i would agree a 3 year old does not need that much of a sleep, at that age mine sometimes needed a nap if they had a heavy week but realistically no.

Can you try a nursery attached to a school? They take from 3 plus and as such don't offer a nap time (ime).

DD napped at that age but not in nursery, only at home.

The nursery had a "cuddle corner" where a child could go and lay down with blankets and pillows and there was always a child or two there after lunch. But, it was a full day nursery and it wasn't a blanket apporach, that was stopped when they were 2.5.

At DD’s nursery naps are definitely the exception in the 3+ age room. She stopped napping there at 2.5 when it started interfering with bedtime, I didn’t get any pushback tbh, thought it was normal to go with the routine the parents wanted. I’d definitely ask again.