Please help me make sense of my 15YO DD - exam related

[AllTheGoodOnesAreTaken]

She's in Y11. Fairly good student, especially in subjects she enjoys/is good at, nothing unusual there. But with subjects she's not keen on, oh my god she'll bury her head in the sand literally until there's no time left to revise, and then panic, be utterly foul to everyone else in the family, and performs badly in the exam.

If her dad or I suggest she starts revision early, she bites our heads off. We can't suggest anything. She will then cry, refuse to go to school, say she feels depressed... She's not depressed, she's panicking because she's been procrastinating!!

I don't know how to help her get out of this awful vicious circle. Any advice anyone please?

She knows. She knows she's messing up. I was that 15 yo. I knew it was idiotic to not just get on with bloody revision, but I still didn't start.

Can you help her get over the first hurdle? Usually that is to work out what she needs to do/cover overall, and break it down into manageable chunks.

Good luck! I was FOUL when in the run up to exams!

Honestly I have tried. I have tried everything I can think of. She created drama, cries, stays in bed, refuses to speak with me... She's her own worst enemy. I just don't know if I should be hard on her or soft. I just don't know anymore.

You have all my sympathy! She is pushing back rather than admit she is screwed.
Thing is, she probably isn't screwed - unless she has major coursework due and unstarted.

I teach this age group, and tend to treat the drama llamas as big sized toddlers. Lots of very sensible tones, a bit of Mary Poppins bustling them along and the phrase 'what we need to decide on is what to do next. Do you think A or B?' until they get over the floppy armed dramatic sighs. Relentless unflappable calm positivity. Drives them nuts, but seems to work!

Hang on in there. She will get through this and the fact you're so on it suggests she has a great chance of doing well (statistically more likely).

Maybe try suggesting that she does just 5 minutes with the subject? Sometimes judt starting is the hardest thing. She might study longer, or just gradually go up from 5 minutes to longer.

Keep your sense of humour.
Don't get emotionally involved.
Suggest but don't nag.
Express sympathy when she's disappointed (even though you know she could have prevented the disappointment with a bit of planning).
Don't criticise.

Ask if you can do anything to help her be more pro-active, offer to sit with her while she revises or help her draw up a revision schedule or quiz her on material. She may reject the offers, but she'll appreciate you tried to do what you could.

Listen any time she tells you her thoughts or feelings.

if she blows up then tell her it's not your fault she's upset & point out it's not fair to take out her upset on other people.

Enjoy the good moments when she's funny, kind, thoughtful.

Thank you all, your replies are genuinely so helpful. I do feel that things are probably as bad as she suspects, she did very badly in her Chemistry mock, like really really badly, and she has not changed her approach this time around, so there's no reason why she would do any better. She really only has herself to blame though.

Another thought just occurred to me - are her school offering any catch up tutoring or interventions? We are doing a TONNE of this with y11. She might have been offered something and turned it down due to burying her head in the sand. Worth a gentle question? If she's behind in Chem, it will likely be lack of knowledge of the content, which is slightly easier to address than lack of skills.

My year 11 is a bit like this. I have resorted to micro management and bribery. I explain I know it’s hard d and anxiety provoking but if she approaches it methodically she can do well. She cries and says she can’t. I then offer to help devise the method and if she follows it she can choose dinner/something else small but important to her. Then I suggest things like today let’s just concentrate on revising the kidneys, here is your text book page and a revision card (pre made and ordered off Amazon). Go over them. Now here are five exam questions from past papers online. Answer them. Now here is the mark scheme, mark your own work then write out a model answer.

I was very similar at that age. My GCSE results were average / below average, but I did a lot better academically as I got older and was able to focus in on the subjects I enjoyed and was good at. I ended up getting a first at uni back when people didn't get them as much, so don't despair, she will find her path.

My parents got me a tutor for the subjects I was most at risk of failing, it helped a lot, not because he was an amazing tutor, he really wasn't, but it gave me focus and structure and I couldn't argue back or paddy with him the way I would if my parents pushed me to revise the subjects I hated.

I couldn't handle them talking to me at the point when I actually needed to revise because by that point my anxiety was already sky high but if they spoke to me hypothetically about it, at a time when I didn't have an urgent need to revise, I was a lot more relaxed and able to engage with them and create study plans / strategies for later use.

A lot of it for me was around insecurities and anxiety, I focused my time on the subjects I was good at because it feels good to get something right, and it was easier than addressing the things I was struggling with.

The other thing that helped a lot was actually taking some time away from academic pressure to do something I enjoyed that was just for me. I always loved animals so I got a Saturday job at the kennels and although it sounds counter intuitive to study less, it was so good for my mental health to be doing something I loved all day, that I ended up doing my best quality work on Saturday evening and Sunday morning when my head was clear.

Teenagers have been hit so hard by the past couple of years, it's a hard enough time without everything they've had to deal with and I have so much compassion and respect for any teenager coping through the pandemic. I'm glad yours clearly has v supportive parents and I'm sure she will find her own way with your patience and support.

10 mins of each subject per day, or ,ore realistically 10 mins of some subjects per day.

So if she is taking 10 GCSEs

Monday subject 1, 2, 3
Tuesday subject 3, 4, 5
Wednesday subject 5, 6, 7
Thursday subject 7, 8, 9
Friday subject 9, 10, 1
Saturday subject 2, 4, 6

Does she have past papers? Working through them 10 mins at a time is a good way to revise. If she finishes a paper (done open book) then she gets a day off that subject.