Always making promises to myself to improve last thing at night

[qw3rty]

Does anyone else do this? In the last hour or so before bed I always feel rueful about how I spent my day and how I hadn't done any of the self improvement things I promised myself I would. I always make great plans and thoughts about what to do better tomorrow.....and then I'm sure I'll be sitting here tomorrow thinking the same thing.

Does it suddenly hit me because it's too late in the day to do actually do anything? Anyone actually manage to use the mental energy spent each evening to actually make a change to their life?

Have you tried writing things down as a to-do list for the following day?

Or writing yourself a schedule so you're planning ahead WHEN you're going to do the things you want to do?

This is something that helps me - eg for tomorrow I have already planned and written down when I'll exercise, walk the dog, meditate, food shop etc. My brain needs this!

I also suggest writing it down. Lists help in general as I get a sense of achievement when I cross things off the list.

Yep. Every day almost.

It's often easier to say you will do things in the future than actually summon the energy or willpower in that moment.

I have to think of my "reward" in order to motivate myself. Eg I hate cleaning but I LOVE baking in my tidy kitchen/getting into freshly made bed/seeing an empty wash pile.

Id suggest a bullet jounal.

Thanks all. I do have a general to do list, but I never add the 'self improvement ' stuff to it like exercise, meditate etc.

I think that's exactly it EdHelpPls - when it comes to it, I don't do the stuff. I am very good at forward planning, but not doing. It amazes me how I can push it to the back of my mind until 10pm every day.

@EdHelpPls

It's often easier to say you will do things in the future than actually summon the energy or willpower in that moment.

I have to think of my "reward" in order to motivate myself. Eg I hate cleaning but I LOVE baking in my tidy kitchen/getting into freshly made bed/seeing an empty wash pile.

Oh I totally agree. And then you end up living in some future fantasy world. I do this anyway. V bad for me.

Write it down as people have suggested but also do micro action lists. Eg it’s no good writing “exercise”, it’s like writing “write a novel”: too big a target! Break it down into what you need to do to achieve that, like:

Find old running gear and try on
Order new sports bra
Look up route
Download running playlist
Etc

I achieve much more when I have micro actions I can tackle, because you can pick one tiny thing even when knackered/busy, and the sense of achievement from that spurs you on to do the next thing.

Also, Forest app on my phone so I don’t lose evenings to mindless scrolling, and don’t sit down on the sofa after dinner “just for five minutes” because you WILL be there until bedtime. A schedule, so I know which evening I’m doing what, with several evenings allotted to TV, date night, early night for extra sleep, etc, so it doesn’t all feel like a relentless treadmill.

Takes 21 days to make a habit (possibly, cba to Google it), so pick a quiet month and make the habit of doing things on your micro list and eventually it does stick. You’re just in the habit of not doing stuff, and of doing plans just before bed. It’s just a habit and you can change it

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Id suggest a bullet jounal.

Thanks StrictlyAFemaleFemale. I've read about it but never got my head around it, so will need to so some research. Any guides you would recommend in particular?

If you keep doing this, why not make a list each night of what you did actually achieve each day. It'll show you how you are spending your time and motivate you by reminding you of where you are productive/successful/self-disciplined. It's more motivating than repeatedly noticing your failure. Focus on what you already succeed at, even if it's everyday stuff like reading DC a bedtime story (not everyone does) or home cooking every evening, or doing a full day's work etc.

I certainly don't spend a lot of time thinking of ways to improve myself/my life, but I do have a couple of things on my phone calendar: a workout twice a week, and aqua aerobics once a week. Because they're scheduled, I do them. Also have a fitness tracker with a step target.

Don’t think about it too much. Lists and overplanning give something the kids of death for me.

But am yet to really master this myself.

If this isn’t me !

I can be so adamant that I will do x y and z the next day but then I just often cannot be bothered by the next day !

I don’t know if it’s to do with how I am generally - my move tends to improve throughout the day ( not a morning person ) and I am a night owl , so no advice just solidarity 😁

Mood not move

Me too! Though the other day I listened to a podcast about healthy eating on my way into work & that did give me the impetus to eat well (just on that day, normal service resumed on the next ) so maybe some sort of reminder every morning about why you want to achieve your particular goals?

Thanks everyone.
@gingerhills thanks, I really like that idea. I do a bunch of stuff in the day that I do think is positive, but it is for others, not me. When I think about it, tt's obvious really that I prioritise that (which is the crux of the problem I guess!).

@Changemaname1 glad it's not just me. I feel so very virtuous when I make thepromises :)

@Sammysquiz good idea too - I need a visual or other reminder when I just want to do the normal things. There must be an app for it somewhere!

Yup this is totally normal. One day I just decided to actually stick to what I’d said every night for months and I lost 7 stone in 12 months.

Yes, but mine happens at around 2am! I also often have a sudden burst of work just before bed (self-employed/wfh).

If it's at all possible I'd suggest ignoring the time and taking the first step immediately if practical. So email to book the fitness class, dig out your gear and have it ready for the morning, research local facilities etc. Make a start immediately and picking it up the next day will feel less 'big' because it's not a whole new 'job' from scratch.

(I got that from one of those inspirational change your life type books many years ago and found that it actually really helps).

It's still a bit sporadic though! I also am more likely to achieve if I get up and get at it as soon as I can in the morning, before the normal routines take over the day.

Are you trying to do too much? A little bit is better than none at all. Choose one thing from your list to achieve. It could start the ball rolling for the future.

Have you heard the expression ‘eat the frog?’ Start your day with the thing you’re most likely to avoid. Get it over and done with.

Thanks all. @NotImpossible that's a good idea and actually I can see that might work for me. Reduce the friction to the next step.

@SmolCat yes I've heard of it. And I have great intentions, I just need a kick up the butt to do it!

@SartresSoul well done, that's amazing!

@stuntbubbles I've been thinking about your micro actions and I can see this would be helpful. I liek the idea of scheduling TV too so I can see I'm getting some down time and not just rushing around doing the things. Thanks.

Now I'm going to try to do somehting rather than put it all off for another hour and then think about it at 9pm again!