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Original poster

I don’t work

66 replies

GiveItAWobble · 20/02/2022 12:15

Hi, I was wondering what your initial opinion would be on someone if you asked what they did for a living and they replied “oh, I don’t work”.

Person in question is mid twenties, dresses what would appear to be nice (designer shoes & bag) and well groomed, drives a mid range car, no kids, partner in a secure public services job but probably not earning £££ due to it being public, never seen house and don’t know if they rent or own but don’t live with parents. Seem to spend a lot of their days in the gym and eating out etc. You also know that they have been to uni and have a MA degree.

OP posts:
EveryAvenue · 20/02/2022 23:06

People NC because people like you go rifling through their posting history for no reason 😂

I don’t understand why people do this other than to find a stick to beat the OP with. Imagine having the audacity to name change on an anonymous forum. I regularly name change.

BIWI · 20/02/2022 23:15

AS is there for a reason.

Bromse · 20/02/2022 23:16

I suppose I would just accept it. She may have worked and is having a career break. It's possible that she inherited some money.

My cousin, older than me, didn't work after leaving school for a very long time. She had inherited quite a lot of money from her father who died when she was fifteen; h se travelled a lot, lived with her mother. After a few years she got a job with a travel agent, went from strength to strength and ended up being a hotel inspector

It's nice to have the choice. Your friend is still young, I expect she will eventually find a job that suits her.

EveryAvenue · 20/02/2022 23:20

@BIWI

AS is there for a reason.
Personally, I don’t use AS to see if a question is worthy of me answering.

But then again I don’t condemn people for not coming back to a thread after eleven hours because I realise people have stuff to do outside of MN. Each to their own.

BIWI · 20/02/2022 23:21

As I said, AS is there for a reason.

Original poster
GiveItAWobble · 21/02/2022 09:51

Thanks for all the answers. Kind of a mixed bag but I got what I was looking for!

OP posts:
TabithaTittlemouse · 21/02/2022 10:11

I wouldn’t think anything. I know a few people in this position, a few I know why they don’t work and others I don’t.

stormstormgoaway · 21/02/2022 10:16

I would be mildly curious about why. I would not assume it was by choice. I would not assume it was a permanent state of affairs.

NoSquirrels · 21/02/2022 10:20

@GiveItAWobble

Thanks for all the answers. Kind of a mixed bag but I got what I was looking for!
Why did you ask?

It’s kind of not cool to just pose a question but give nothing back at all…

Original poster
GiveItAWobble · 21/02/2022 10:36

The person in question is me. I have a lot of chronic health conditions and I am on a lot of medication. I was diagnosed in my mid teens but it has progressively gotten worse and worse. They really are quite disabling. The issue is I don’t look sick and my conditions aren’t life threatening. Because I can still walk and I am out and about people don’t really realise the extent of my illness. My cousin is a nail technician and she comes and visits me every few weeks so my nails are kept on top of. A few months ago I invested in a human hair wig because my hair is falling out due to meds so I don’t look like a ‘sick person’. I constantly get comments ‘but you look so well’. It’s a fine line between making being disabled my personality trait and trying to make sure my family and friends realise I’m sick.

I haven’t drank since I was in my late teens due to the medication I am on. I also had a little part time job. Due to this I had much more money than my peers and I always saved all of my birthday and Christmas money to treat myself to nice things and I have a few pairs of designer shoes and a few designer bags which I regularly wear. Because I’ve never been on nights out or really out for long periods of time these have lasted me. I get comments on these too (because disabled people can’t wear nice things??Confused)

I pass out consistently for which I am under the blackout clinic and I am on meds. I am on a lot of pain meds and I recently got a PICC line installed (that you can’t see, especially in this weather as I am wearing jumpers) and I am having infusions 3 x a week in the hospital. These usually take 4 hours a day so right now I don’t really have the time to be holding down a full time job even if I could. The nurses at the hospital even comment on how ‘well’ I look.

I have a plan by physio to strengthen my core as I spent a lot of time on crutches so I try and attend the gym 3 x a week. On a bad week I literally can’t get out of bed though. My DP has to wash my hair because I can’t raise my arms above my head. I’m aware of how it looks to people who don’t spend all of their time with me though as obviously only people close see me at my worse and they presume I spend all my time gymming and socialising.

I haven’t worked since Jan 2021. I got a job in the industry I am qualified in and I was completely honest about my health. They employed me anyway and I had a risk assessment done by Occupational Health. Eventually they started expecting more and more of me and long story short put me in some unsafe conditions and I ended up hurt. They decided the workplace wasn’t safe for me and I received a decent payout and left.

Even when people knew what happened, after a few months of not working I started getting comments “oh you’re a lady who lounges” etc. I would be asked what I’m doing for money, if I’m on benefits (I just receive PIP), if my DP is happy with this and if I resllf can’t work at all.

I have started telling people I freelance in my industry and just shut the convo down before I goes any further. My DP doesn’t think I need to do this but I know if I say “I don’t work” that it will attract judgement or questions which is why I asked here. I am glad I did though and happy to still tell people I freelance after these answers!

OP posts:
ifonly4 · 21/02/2022 10:40

I couldn't care less, as long as both people in the relationship are genuinely happy. If whoever is around a lot more, I guess they're taking on extra jobs around the house, which should mean their partner has less to do on days off and can relax/enjoy themselves more, so they might be happy with the arrangement.

ifonly4 · 21/02/2022 10:44

OP, ignore my post, I didn't see your post first and didn't taken into account health issues. Things obviously aren't easy for you.

It wouldn't bother me whatsoever if you didn't work as long as you and your partner are happy with the arrangement and can afford to pay the bills.

NoSquirrels · 21/02/2022 10:51

Thanks for explaining, Wobble. Sorry to have been one of those annoying doubters!

It sounds really tough. If someone said to me “I don’t work” and didn’t go on to the “I don’t work because of serious health issues” then I might think they were either extremely independently wealthy/lucky or living off their significant other.

As soon as you said you had health issues though I’d accept that - I wouldn’t expect you to justify anything or make it ‘a personality trait’.

For general chit chat I think ‘I work freelance in X’ is perfect though - it’s not like you can’t discuss it. And that’s usually all anyone is looking for with that question - a quick easy in to some small talk.

LuckyAmy1986 · 21/02/2022 10:53

If you don’t want to invite questions just say you do a typing job from home or something!

Original poster
GiveItAWobble · 21/02/2022 11:00

I think part of the issue is that most people know I have a strong degree and MA from a good uni which could bring good earning potential so they are a bit Hmm at me not working.

Because most people my age are relatively new to their careers or recently out of uni themselves when I meet new people the topic does come up quite a lot so it’s not something I can really get around.

OP posts:
LuckyAmy1986 · 21/02/2022 11:03

Oh yeah I see your point! Don’t suppose you could say you are studying further? Btw there is nothing wrong with the truth! But I get why you don’t want to get into it

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